"i'm alive....i'm a mess!" this kind of embodies how i'm feeling right now. i just got back from "grad student orientation" which sucked until all the oriented studnets left and i was left to kick it with the 2nd years from all the various ed PhD departments. needless to say i'm drunk after what seemed like months of sobriety. I even Biked under the influence to my house. the joy of college towns! Anyways my new friends varied by personality and department etc. There was Lori who was super bitter that she wasn't married but n ot really bitter, and i could feel her because this is what being a grad studnet is all about. wishing you were living a normal life but then obsessing about how awesome it is that you can go out on a thursday night and not give a shit. anyways she had crutches from an ACL tear thing and a handicap parking spot which we wholely took advantage of but apparently she claims she was just using her crutches to warn peopeo "stay away from me" and "to hold meup when i'm drunk" which i thought...I love you Lori. Then there was the really boring higher ed phd guy will who is apparently dating a super boring girl from stanford. lame. Then there was my jewish friend (blanking on name) who claimed he wasn't gay but kept singing me show tunes all night long. I don't believe you young gay jewish man! then there was fernando my fellow messican and we bonded on how hard it is to find latinos in academia. Then there was my black friend jamaal who kept telline me "I feel like you keep it real cris" to which i responded "i do keep it real jamall but onlly you can call me cris." anyways i played pool which apparently i am AWESOME at and i won the game singlehandedly. apparently i've seen "the color of money" one too many times. Anyways we hung out at some place called "babs" and another place known for their sangria called "dominics." also i would like to note that i am fitting on the smallest loop of my belt buckle and the guy i met in march claimed "you look thinner than when i saw you!" which is proof that the inner waif in me is clearly winning the battle. yay!! but i made "friends" ie people to drink with and i feel like i have some purpose in my life, ie drinking. so this is good. they also informed me that going to my orientation tomorrow as pointless so instead of waking up at 7 to be at school by 8 i am planning on sleeping in. i also met some awesome indians like my indian (like from india) friend Manu and my other indian american friend Ashima like Ashni. Also my corhort is decidedly FOBy or crazy. like literally. I had to tell the crazy girl in my cohort that she needed to chill. I was liek "i have masters from stanford. I know these things." That was the only time in my life when that masters has been relevant and it was very exciting for me to be liek experienced and shit.

since you are all dying ot know if i survived the gym shower experience, i did indeed and i live to tell the tale. The gym shower was super scary and i as suspected, one of those group shower things. David made one of those tasteless unsavery jokes about lesbian love affairs in the shower and i informed him that he was better than that. Luckily i found a handicapped bathroom in there with a curtain, apparently the handicaps need privacy. So i hopped in there and was shocked by the extreme water power coming from the shower head. It was the kind of crazy water pressure that makes you feel like if you turn the wrong way it will shave off your nipple, know what i mean? Anyways i am clean, blow dryed and working on what kind of look i wnat to give on my first day of unofficial school. I also found otu that the gym is like a block from the school of ed, which is good to know. i'm slowly figuring out where i am in this town. And trust me, it's a town, not a city. Alright i have to go watchmore dawson's creek.

showers and such

soooo today i did a lot of things: reading for classes, buying frames, putting up wall decor to make my room less hollow looking, and I WENT TO THE GYM. i know, who cared, but this all comes as useful information when you hear the next part. so imagine this...i'm all sweaty and gross from biking all over and from gyming it up. I get home and the water in our house has been strangely turned off. Apparently one of my roomies forgot to switch the bill to their name so, oops looks like we didnt pay our bill. this would never happne if i were in charge of the bills. NEVER!!! Anyways point being i have a major eeemergency. I am sweaty and gross and have no means of showering until they turn on our water sometime tomorrow afternoon or whatever but here is the rub, i have orientation tomorrow at 8 am! ahhh!! this is my one chance to make friends! this is like my opportunity to rise from the shadows of my basement room! and now i have no means of showering! so i consulted my etiquette advisor, bobby, and he suggested if go back to the gym, with my products, and take a shower there. so now i'm gonna drive to the gym, which has no parking....find parking, use their facilities and come back home and like do my hair and shit. i cannot look a hot mess tomorrow. tomorrow is my day! fuck

cheetah girls 4 EVA

apparently i am not the only one who loved the camp that was "the cheetah girls 2" movie.

feast your eyes on this

but even better than that news is this most awesome clip of the scene i was teling you about. It's so bad it's good. Amigas Cheetas 4 eva!!!!!

so i'm settinling into life here, if by settling in you mean, i sit in my room and watch dawson's creek dvd's because if that's what you mean then yeah, i'm settling in. turns out the dawson's dvd's were on sale for 19.99! amazing! i bought all the ones i was missing and now own the series. yay for me. they also had seinfeld for the same price but i already own those. yesterday i road my bike into town to get my id and then i went into my department and the secretary Janie showed me my office. my very own office!!! ok not really, i share it with another person and 2 random computers and bookshelves full of old articles. blah. wahtever it's mine! should i put pictures up and decorate it and stuff. what kind of pictures? I've never been a big putting pictures of my boyfriend or family kind of person.

anyways i road on to every bookstore in town to try to find this book i had to read for summer reading for my orientation tomorrow. turns out, no one had ordered it in 4 years! awesome. i thought, great, i'm already behind. but i called around and found it at a barnes and noble in another town. Then i stopped at this sports clothing store (i know right!) to buy a backpack and ended up buying...get this...a north face backpack! god i love it! i am such a north face whore! the story with this is that being from LA when i got to college i had never heard of northface because really who needs mountain wear in LA? exactly. so i was very intrigued but also felt that i could nto afford a fleece, a backpack and such. well now i can't afford it still but now i have a reason to buy it. like you know, i'm living in the snow and stuff, it's water resistant, it looks sporty, and generally i just don't think jansport is going to cut it for michigan. it's a frosty pink and it matches with the snow! ok but seriously i am not this stupid, it's actually a good backpack and i wore it around and while biking and it was quite ergonomic and you know me and my back ailments.

so today the plan is to pick up the key to my office, go to best buy to return something, buy a spare pillow case at target, and then find the gym. oh wait i also wanted to take some pictures for you all of some of the awesome local joints like "banditos Mexican food" and "beaners coffee." yes you heard that right, beaners coffee which might have to become my favorite hang out.

amigas = cheetahs

ok ok sorry for the bagillion posts but i haven't had internet in like 3 days which is a lot. so anyways another topic i meant to discuss last night. i got cable last night and so was willing to watch ANYTHING, no lie anything and you will see my point in a second. on top of this i tend to watch bad things ( in addition to good things) liek the time i stayed up until 4am watching that hilary duff movie "the perfect man" on on demand cable.

anyways last night i came across the grand premier of "the cheetah girls movie: part 2." i will admit, i never saw part one, which makes me really upset since i'm usually a huge fan of like olsen twins productions, things with hilary duff, and raven simone! serioulsy! anyways this movie was like, really bad but i couldn't pull myself away from it. i missed the beginning but somehow they end up in spain in some mansion and raven simone is huge, like literally what happened to little olivia, and they are in this mansion and performing in some concert. i don't know the details but there were vespas and crazy fashion statements and lots of cheetah print and raven's latina bff started hanging with a spanish girl and they bonded cuz they spoke spanish and her other blond friend met a spanish duke and they all ditched raven but in the end thye all are friends again and she writes a song for them, because did i mention, she's a song writer and she comes out on stage in this ridiculous get up that is like red velvet pant suit, with a red bodace and cheetah print bra showing and giant red heels and a giant brimmed red hat with cheetah accents and i odn't exactly know waht the point of the outfit was other than making raven look even huger.

ok but ANYWAYS she comes out and is like "i want to thank spain for teaching me the real meaning of cheetah" and then she starts singing

Amigas
cheetas
friends for life

and i don't think i have ot go into more detail since i wish you all could just watch it for yourself. Actually i wish you all could just watch it with me so you could relaly appreciate it because i think i have to be there to point out the awesomeness otherwise it's just you, watching a really bad movie.

To TorTor, my bff 4 life!!

So the other day i wrote my friend tory an email explaining that according ot gawker we are no longer cool with our truncation of the english langauge (ie: totes, ridic, hilar, etc.). i still stand by my belief that we started truncating before it was cool and therefore are cool, and also that ridic was so our truncation and not something we read somewhere and copied. whatevs bitches. Anyways i also sent her this article in the new york times which sucks and makes me hate truncation even more even though i really love it. she wrote me a most brilliant response about our use of truncation vs. a 13 year old's use of truncation and it really made me believe again. anyways here is the gawker article, here is the NY times article, and here is her response.

dude i could not read this one because I am not a paying member of nytimes.com :(

ok, in regards to the other article, who writes "natch"? for sers yo. we do not write "natch" for fuck's sake. the difference between you and me and all those other asshats, dear cricri, is that we are always ALWAYS aware of our truncations. we did not start to truncate solely for efficiency's sake, we truncate because we are artists. we lovingly craft our truncations and choose the right times to use them. do i sometimes say "totally"? hell yes sometimes i come right out and say "totally." but sometimes, sometimes the ONLY way to express something is to say, with conviction and confidence: totes. When I wear my totes shirt, I am not trying to evoke in other people the aura conveyed by the sense of the word "totally," except in a cute way by having used slang instead of proper english. I am not sending a message of "yeah, I am totally all that," or "i am totally rocking your world." No, I am sending the simple clear, but still somewhat obtuse message of "TOTES." We have moved beyond simple slang and into the realm of conceptual art, you realize. To say "for sers" is ridiculous, and not just because we went to Stanford. But we own that ridiculousness. You'll note there that I did not say "ridic," because, in that instance, it was not appropriate. I don't think the author of this article even realizes the depths of possibilities and how mired one can find oneself in the intricacies of such language. What I'm saying is, totes no longer means totally. It means totes. It is a neologism, something our self-satisfied little reporter apparently has not grasped. To lump words like "totes," "obvs," and presumably, though not mentioned because this guy probably isn't even aware of them, our beloved "ridic" and "for sers" in with words like "bestie" and "lylas" is insulting and shows a distinct lack of understanding.

and that, cricri, is why we are so so totes cool



to




Bravo ToTo!! bravo!! she managed to express my exact feelings using great words like obtuse, and neologism. brilliant!! and my favorite part was when she compared us to conceptual artists, which i have often considered myself to be a bit of a conceptual artists that people don't relaly get. Have you ever seen the movie "you me and eveyrone we know" because it's wierd and depressing and about a conceptual artist, but i kind of got it and dug it because i coudl feel her pain of being misunderstood. anyways totes rock on bitches! i shall not stop truncating because some stupid teenager has decided it is the cool to be ridiculous. i shall own my ridiculousness because it is what it is.

on another note i'd liek to inform you all that best buy is currently selling dawson's creek, gilmore girls, curb your enthusiams, and south park all for 19.99 a season 'after savings" according to their weekly special magazine. i do'nt knw owaht this after savings thing means but i'm going ot check it out tomorrow and see if it's true. i hope it's not some kind of lame mail in rebate. i fucking hate that shit. just give me my savings now! i know about this deal because as a joke my dad threw me the coupon section of the newspaper. for a split second i actually considered cutting coupons. would you judge me? actually the more important question is woudl i care if you judged me? yes i would care so i will hold off on the coupon cutting for now. i'm not that desperate yet....

oh god nip tuck starts this week! my frist new show of the season!!!!! i have to get my tivo set up tomorrow. apparently tivo can go wireless now. i must figure out how to do, stat.

so many things to discuss so i feel i need to bullet point them at the beginning, make myself a sort of outline, and then go into detail

1. people are fat here
2. people are super friendly here
3. i live in a basement
4. we drove forever and didn't even finish half a tank of gas
5. i love target
6. will i ever get real furniture
7. we're buying a condo next year.

wow what a crazy 4/3 days. serioulsy i don't even know how many days it has been. My dad and i both took separate red eyes here and we completely forgot that we lost 3 hours getting here so we ended up only sleeping like 3 hours but we got here and it was already morning, truly wretched. this was jet lag at it's worst. Then we got our rental car and went to pick up my car. my dad ended up renting a mini van which as much as i normally would hate mini vans was AWESOME!! serioulsy i might be converted! it was not gigantic and could fit in every parking spot but it was also way more roomy than our tahoe or any other suv i have ever been in. serioulsy, i am on the mini van bandwagon! no seriously!! check it out, the toyota sienna.

so then we went to the red roof inn which was ghetto but surprisingly decent considering it was like $70 bucks a night. apparenlty they are partnered with teh aewsome french hotel chain that we stayed at in munich, accor-novotel. Anyways we were planning on cleaning up the room and unpacking a bit that mornign but serioulsy we thought we were gonna die or exhaustien on the way to the red roof so we had to take a 4 hour nap. Then our day started and we went to see the house.

it's a pretty cool house, yellow, oldish, hardwood floors, reminiscent of living in a row house that is smaller. anyways it's a lot like hammarskjold. my room is in the basement. liek for reals, down almost two flights of stairs. But the landlord is really cool and we can paint our walls whatever color we want so i might have to plan some redecoration, although right now they are like blue and pastel green and i'm kin dof feeling it. when i got here my tivo and pottery barn duvet had already arrived. yay!! i opened up the duvet cover and by some chance it ended up looking way more ethnic than it looked online which i think is ok because it will go with my fiesta/ethnic art/chicana motif. eeeemagine. Anyways the room was filthy by our standards so we had to go to target to buy hella cleaning supplies, a vaccuum, etc etc. we got back and my papi and i got to it. wow, i tell you, i neer knew how hardcore my dad was about cleaning. he's more hardcore than my mom! it was exciting. and the both of us together was like insanity!! we didn't eat for like 6 hours straight all the of the days he was here because we just kept saying "we have to keep going....we have to keep going." But then after finishing my dad oddly wanted to eat at applebees everynight, which i found strange. he kept saying that he liked ann arbor because they had applebees and i kept trying to explain to him that we have applebees in la and he wouldn't believe me. anyways this brings me to my other point, no one in michigan understands my dad's accent. he'd try to order beer and the waitress would alwyas be like "excuse me sir." my poor dad.

anyways i love target, you can get everything there. i also love my dad because he is the best and totally helped me so much by paying for all the stuff i needed and all the stuff he wanted me to have. seroiously without his financial help i would be sitting in a room with a mattress, a blanket and my tile floors. instead i have a desk, a tv, a down comforter, and a rug. thanks papi!! my pap is the best!! also he felt bad since he knows how poor i am and will be forever! which agian brings me to another key thing i have been pondering...will i have ever real furniture. right now i have a bed i bought on craigslist, no headboard yet, just a frame. i have tables and a bookshelf that the guy who lived here before left behind which i'm sure he got handed down to him from somewhere. my dad bought me a target desk but it's not a fancy desk or anything. and i' msitting in a computer chair that a guy upstairs didn't want. and i feel liek this will be my lifestyle forever but i don't want it to be. but i also don't imagine ever having like 4000 to buy a new couch for a really long time. like seriously, will i ever stop living like a college student???? i don't really believe in buying cheap things so i tend to just avoid spending all that money and buying used at local second hand furniture stores. should i say my stuff in vintage??? right now i am in dire need of a couch. my room is HUGE, like bigger than david's whole apartment and so i can have a livign room in it if i wanted to. anwyays is this going ot be my life forever?

so my dad and i went driving around looking at real estate today since we are from california where a small house in the ghetto would cost you like 500 to 600,000. we saw this beautiful 1800's house that had 8 bedrooms, yes 8 bedrooms, totally redone inside, with a full basement for 250,000!!! ahhh!! then we saw a 2 bedroom condo with all new stuff in it, on a lake really near campus for less than 150,000 and it was decided, my parents and i (mainlymy parents) are teaming up next year and buying a condo. actually my parents are buying a condo and i'm living in it. seriously that kind of money is like monopoly money to us!! i decided that someday when i'm a professor i need to work in california first so i can buy a psuedo decent but expensive house there, build up equity, and then move to another state where things are cheaper so i can buy a PHAT house with all the fixings! this is my life plan. ok but serioulsy, logistical question, if i have no real furniture what am i going to decorate my phat condo with???

ok another random thing to note, my roommates never lock the door. my dad and i were wigging because we're from la and we ALWAYS lock our doors because you never know who is lurking. the midwest is wierd.

oh yeah, my dad and i drove all over the area, like seriusly a lot of driving and we barely did half a tank of gas. that is how much my mom uses ina one day period. i was shocked, SHOCKED. we came to the conclusion that it must be because all of the houses have a lot of land so you feel liek you are driving further than you actually are, like an optical illusion. does that make sense. anyways real rural. i will take pictures tomorrow and post them. i am tired, jetlagged, i am so wierded out and i have no idea where i am or what time it realy is here ore there. the wierd thing is that i'm gonna get ready for bed now while all of my california peeps are getting really for dinner. le sigh....

shout out to my baby boy, david who does not read this but who is awesome. today on his surgical rotation he saved someones life by diagnosing someone with the gaut. the surgeon of course wanted to do surgery but david was like, no i think they have gaut, because like me david knows about the medici's and how they all had gaut and had pain in their toes and stuff like that. anyways the surgeon was wrong and david was right!! apparently surgeons are as assholish as they seem on tv. they just want to cut you open and get you out so they can cut open the next person. David also got to take out an absys (however it is spelled) in someones ass. is it wrong that i am aroused by this?? the life saving, not the asshole stuff

ohmy goddddddd!!! ahhhdieowfkjfkdsajfkd i can't even type. guys i am in michigan. MICHIGAN!! we just got out interenet up and running and i have way too much to say that i can't say right now because i hvae to finish cleaning my basement, yes, my basement. eeemagine. ok but seriously quick update,

michigan is humid...who knew???

no one could understand my dad's accent and kept saying "excuse me sir??"

all weekend long my dad kept saying "everyone is really ugly here" and "everyone is really fat here" here being the midwest. it was real disconcerting for him.

finally this morning i fit into my skinny jeans, literally skinny and figuratively skinny. like they are the skinny style but like they are the jeans i used to be able to wear when i was skinny. and they fit like no tight pressing in the stomach either. i have a waste!! i am embracing my inner waif. And i tried on of my 10 blazers and the button buttoned with room to spare! liek for reals, biking everyday all over LA really worked. i bought a bike so i could ride to class everyday which is like a mile and a half each way. awesome.

ok that is all i have to say. tonight my roommates are cooking fajitas, and i haven't told them i'm mexican because i want to see waht they thing fajitas are. And then afterwards i'm going to judge them.

Not to alienate the few readers that i actually have but (Cathy and Orges excluded) you guys suck at commenting. Anyways moving on. My last day in LA.... a big fat leeee sigh.

I was driving down the 405 today and i heard the familiar tune of "don't stop believing." I knew it was official, i'm leaving. I have spent the fast few days packing which is so awful and i'd liek to swear that i will never have to pack again but due to my somewhat wandering student lifestyle I am guaranteed to be able to do this every year for the next 5 years. yay! Do you think I'll ever actually buy like real furniture before the age of 30?? Actually the real quesiton is do you think i'll ever have enough money to buy real furniture before i'm 30???

Other things to note. I am utterly disgusted with myself. Granted i'm generally speaking pretty disgusted with myself on a regular basis so this was not that unusual but i'm a especially grossed out by the amount of crap that i have.

- I have about 15 jackets, varrying in size and length from coats, to rain jackets, to rain coats, to blazers. Seriously 15! is this necessary! i'm from California for fucks sake!! Mind you this does not include the coats that i got rid of at the beginning of the summer. disgusting.
- I am taking 20 pairs of shoes (i am leaving some at home). 20 shoes!! why!! why the fuck do i have 20 shoes!! I mean i guess when you really think about this relative to like Mariah Carey it's not that many shoes.
- I have 25 purses. again i ask myself...why??? And these are all like legit namebrand purses. if my luggage were to get lost i woudl probably lose thousands of dollars worth of stuff. Which answers the question of where all of my money has gone over the yeras
- I have 18 scarves. i hate myself
- Other odd fact, I own alot of things from AX, which i find ot be really odd considering i don't remember shopping that much at AX nor do i like AX all that much. And yet here i am with all this AX clothing. Very odd.

Now all that being said i generally only wear like 5 things out of all that stuff i have which is where the self loathing comes in. I think i'm gonna really start a buy one item get rid of one item policy. Next time i buy something i have to trade something in my wardrobe. Anyways i'm hoping the 4 seasons will give me the opportunity to really explore my wardrobe potential.

lost items:
- burberry scarf. why??????!!!
- black H & M v neck sweater, not a big deal, cost me like 15 dollars
- black Sisley wool sweater - this one actually did cost me a lot and i bought it in italy. what is it with me and black sweaters? i cant' seem to keep them
- half of my copy of gone with the Wind. I was reading it on my last trip and it was so old and falling apart that i decided to just start ripping off the parts i had already read. Wait i just found it! in the pocket of my luggage.

Well i don't really have anything deep to say. Other than, I spent $40 today to ship my costume box. yes, i am an idiot. My fur coat, bjork swan tutu dress and bedazzled body suit, madonna like a virgin costume, school girl costume, general 80's wear. All of this probably cost less than the shipping price, but it is worth more than that to me. I talked it over with Belton and she convinced me a while ago that i needed the costumes so whatever, it was worth it. And with this i leave you all. If my life had a soundtrack right now "more than this" by Roxy Music would be playing, because that is how i'm feeling.

LOST!! V. IMPORTANT

MESSAGE ON THE WIRE!!!
I think i lost my Burberry scarf.
I'm inconsolable
Dave Matthews is playing on the radio. why!!! Dave matthews reminds me of being 18 and thinking that dave matthews was good sex music when it's not and all that jazz. why???

i have no idea where the scarf is and it was my favorite accessory and it was cashmere and it was THE ONLY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING THAT I HAVE THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE GOOD TO HAVE IN COLD WEATHER, and i somehow lost it in my move back from SF. I won't go on to say how much this stupid piece of fabric cost because if you know you feel me and if you dont' know then you will only judge me for owning a scarf that cost that much. but all i know is that a grad student's salary does not allow for luxury purchases like cashmere scarves. Serioulsy WHY!!

If i have seen you in the last 4 months please tell me if i left the scarf somewhere in your house, car, etc etc. serioulsy this is so very disconcerting.

I'm packing!! ok that's a lie. i'm actually sitting in a pile of my crap contemplating packing but getting other things together like my health insurance app and registering for classes. I have to take a stats class, but i figure this time i will actually pay attention and try to learn stats. FYI i have already taken advanced stats as some of you might remember during my coterm year. There were alot of tears, very few showers, a lot of all nighters and sweat pants. One mornign me and Saski stayed in the psych building doing stats with no windows and when we finally finished we saw our professor coming in for work in the morning. hate. Maybe i will actually learn it this time! I'm listening to some bruce springstein right now, good stuff. I also got to register for this class on Motivation in the Classroom which is really cool because it's being taught by the greatest living expert of classroom motivation, jacqueline eccles. ok maybe she's not the greatest but apparently she's a lesbian and she has like 800,000 a year because UMich loves her so much so i'd say she's pretty high up there. she's definitely one of the greatest and she's retiring this year. I met her at the orientation and she was really scuuuurrrry, as lesbians tend to be, and she was wearing like art fair/craft fair type jewlery. you know waht i mean. like big giant stones and wierd things that are pretty but not really. She had a dolphin pin made of turquoise, but she rocked it. Maybe this will help me deal with my isssssssues with those other gays.


Speaking of the gays, my future Filipino gay BFF has been messaging me from Umich all summer. Apparently he loves Karaoke and so we've been taunting each other with who can do karaoke better than the other. I told him my Magic Mic score was 97 which is pretty much unheard of especially on a difficult song like "careless whisper" which has a lot of background noise and stuff, so he's apparently really scared. We decided early this summer that to prove our worth as karaoke singers upon my arrival we'd have a sing off where we both sang the same song and whoever was unanimously better was the ultimate karaoke champion. I left him the option of choosing the song and he emailed me this morning that the song choice will be "Zombie" by the cranberries. It was at that moment that i realized that this guy was SERIOUS! Seriously what an inspired song choice!!

So anyways i'm getting pumped for meeting new people, and doing the whole school thing, and having money again, and paying bills and such. Apparently they give me my semester stipend checks in one lump sum at the beginning of each semester. big mistake! i just have to remind myself that i need that money to live and not to buy clothes and alcohol. I orderd my tivo last night. it's the new version that can record 2 shows at once! i might die like literally. death. Ok well have to go back. As Bobby would say "leave me with my things!!!"

TO DO LIST

So the countdown begins, 3 days until michigan, and this has all inspired me to start shopping!! yay!! i have held off all summer knowing that buying summer clothes would be really dumb since i'm moving to winterland but now i can rationalize some new purchases. I just bought a duvet from pottery barn on clearance for 30 bucks!! can you believe that! It wasn't my top choice but when you're living on stipends you cannot be too choosey. I mean i was willing to pay like 100 for a duvet so i basically saved myself 70 dollars. woo! That one purchase gave me the shopping bug real bad.

anyways my question is this. For a long time now i have had really mixed feelings about the puffy vest. part of this though i think is that i am from california therefore wearing the puffy vest is kind of really stupid and useless and i am a little doubtful about vests in general. but in michigan the puffy vest might actually be cool if not functional. so like, should i explore the world of puffy vests? or is that a door that i should leave closed? I mean what is the point of a puffy vest really if your arms are not being insluted? does anyone know the answer to this???

Another question...is LL Bean like reputable and good quality? or is it like the east coast poor man's old navy? like this is a legit question because i don't think anyone in LA even knows what LL Bean is. Also should i explore the world of shearling boots, ie boots that have fur in them (not uggs) but like real winter weather boots with rubber bottoms and lambs wool popping out of the top? i kind of feel like i'm just seeing this move as an opportunity to buy a whole new wardrobe and i'm not realy seeing the ramifications of such weather. But it's like I can suddenly be as ridiculous as i've always kind of wanted to be, but that my sunfilled roots have prevented me from being. I'm talking fur and shit. like seriously hold me back, guys.

so my parents and i just went to hoff's hut, our favorite suburban establishment, for a celebratory desert. My mom only lets us get desert once a year and this was it. very exciting! anyways i wanted a coffee and so i asked for one and the girl looked at me like "coffee?" with that "you're too young!" look and i was like "trust me i'm older than i look." Anyways she brings me my coffee very apprehensively like she's fearing she will stunt my 5.0 ft growth. so later in the meal she's like "how old ARE you?" and i was like "24" and she goes "oh cuz you look like you are 12!" Mind you this girl was like 19. why do people tell you things like "you look 12"? don't they know how offensive that is. If i was 30 and they thought i looked 18 i'd be praising lord jesus but to be like a fully developed woman and to be told that i look preadolescent is so wrong on so many levels.

anyways something my dad said had me busting my shit. So he was looking at the menu and he goes "what is merengue pie?" (pronounced to the non latinos like mur-ang-ey) like the Latin dance salsa, merengue etc. I just started cracking up like literally ROFLing! i was like, "no papi it's meringue, like egg whites and sugar and some other stuff." to be honest i dont' actually know what meringue pie is like how i've never tried meat loaf or beef stroganoff, and i guess if i only read spanish i would also thing that meringue sounds alot like merengue but trust me they are two different things entirely. Anyways when he said that i was imagining what kind of pie that could be named after the merengue dance and like carmen miranda and flashy colors and things popping into my head. EEEmagine a merengue pie.

MERENGUE

MERINGUE

so the saga of "six feet under" finally ended and i must say, what a great show! fuck man, i have seen many a series finale in my day but this was up there with greats series finales ever. this might have been that i watched the show over a 4 day period but i really think that objecitively it was a great finale. Dawson's was up there too because it gave you closure. As was felicity. I need shows that show me the future, let me know that everything is going ot be ok. And i know i always hate future oriented episodes but for a series finale they are tre necessary. but this, this was just beyond. I am going ot give some spoilers, but fuck it, they are irrelevent if you watch the show or not. the point is i was in such a state of mind that they deeply deeply touched me!

in the end scene claire is going to leave LA to move to New York to pursue art and she has to say bye to her family and she's all sad liek she doesn't want to go but everyone knows she has to go. And so she gets in her brand new prius (i secretly want a hybrid) because her old hearse got totalled, and she pops in a mixed CD that her republican unhip boyfriend made her (my boyfriend is an unhip republicanish!!) and the song starts, and it's just so fucking moving. brilliant brilliant brilliant song choice!!!! fucking amazing. if you have not heard Sia "breathe me" which i think at this point everyone and their mom has, i suggest you sit down in a dark room, download it off of itunes, and close your eyes and just FEEL the music because it will touch you too! it touched the cold calloused heart of my dear from Tory, it's that good. Anyways the song starts playing and she's driving on the highway sad about leaving and the cars are rushing by her and then the montage starts. god montages are so excellent! and the montage tells us in essence how everyone dies and it shows each of the main characters at their deaths, and at significant moments in their lives like weddings and such, and the song gets stronger and stronger and at this point i just started like bawling. buckets, guys, buckets. Because it was at that moment when it hit me, fuck i'm moving! and i wish that i could have a soundtrack to my life and have montages of key moments! And this song would be on the soundtrack to my life!! also on that soundtrack would be Desree "kissing you" and of course a lot of Sufjan Stevens becuase Sufjan moves me too!

I had this brilliant idea once for an ad campaign for IPod. it came to me one night while me and my peeps were out camping in some mountain. Emily and I brought our ipods even though the othe rpeople said we were lame and city girls for bringing ipods but emily and i were absolutely positive that mood music was essential to getting the ideal camping experience. So we spent weeks making mixes and compiled them ot have morning mixes, evening mixes, drunk mixes, late night high mixes, and back up mixes for songs that don't belong in a particular mix but that we might need to hear at any given moment. I mean really, and in the end everyone was so grateful for those damn mixes because it was the soundtrack to our camping trip. but point being, i had an epiphany one moment while we were all high looking at the stars and "pink moon" started playing in the background. Imagine that there are these commercials and they each have different scenes in life. Like ok scene one you have people out in the wilderness camping and then you hear "pink moon" in the background and the people are like having a good time and chatting and it seems like the music is an added effect of the commercial and then the camera zooms out and you see the little white ipod and the little ipod light and then the camera zooms to the stars and it says "IPod, the soundtrack to your life." You see becuase you think it's soundtrack music but it's actual music that the ipod is playing because ipod allows you to have a soundtrack to your life! are you eseing it?? another example commercial like you are in a car or at a park of in some setting and it's a girl and a guy and they are real nervous cuz they are about to make a move on each other, the first kiss, and some romantic song starts playing in teh background and the couple doesn't notice cuz again, it's all part of the commercial, or so you think! and then the couple kiss and the camera zooms out and you see the ipod light and the shiny white ipod and then camera zoom to the sky and you see "IPod, the soundtrack to your life." Aren't you feeling the idea???

this brings me to another point, why doesn't anyone but cathy comment? comment people! and my first assignment to you is that you comment by giving me some other ideas for awesome ipod commercials that could be but never will. or maybe comment on what songs would be included in the soundrack to your life...

****edit: other song included in Cristina's soundtrack to life Sufjan Stevens "holland." listen to it, feel it, tell me you don't love it!! granted i also like slow, thought provoking type music so take this into account before listening to either of these songs. But i like slow thoughtful songs that have a real build up and that you get real involved in emotionally and by the end you are just drained. you know!

I would just like to say that I could be doing 1 of 2 things right now if Cathy were not with her boyfriend or if i had more friends in LA.

a) I could be seeing Snakes On A Plane!!! Damn this is most regrettable.

b) I could be seeing Metal Skool on Sunset.

Why!! Instead I just got back from eating at the fine dining establishment, Hoff's Hut with my parents and I am now in bed elevating my jacked up scabbing knee while watching my bagillionth hour of six feet under. I have like 4 episodes left. I am a champion. so my knee is healing but the scab is in such a location that it's pulls on it when i bend it.

Today I went Museum hopping with my mom. We went to the getty which when I really think about it is quite an amazing establishment. J. Paul Getty was this oil tycoon and he made billions of dollars. He hated his family though so he didn't want them to have any of his money. My favorite story of him was that once his son got kidnapped in Sardegna and the kidnappers wanted a ransom and getty was like "no, sorry" and the kidnappers cut off his sons ear and sent it to getty and even after that he still would nto pay ransom!! the the kidnappers just let the son go because they realized they weren't going to make any money off of him. isn't that aewsome! anyways j paul getty was basically and asshole but he did one awesome thing for humanity. he left all of his money to the getty foundation which was dedicated to just buying art throughout the world and now thye have this awesome museum on the top of a hill overlooking all of LA and it's huge and has like all kinds of awesome art from different eras like Van Gogh's "irises" and other cool stuff. And what makes me love the getty even more is that it's all free to the public! isn't that awesome. I've been quite a few times so i noticed that they had aquired a bunch of new peices, some include some Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. If you don't know what that is look it up, cuz they have a really cool history. PBR, serioulys look that shit up. They were having a Rubens/Brueghel exhibit and i was remembering when i was in high school and i had to do a presentation on Rubens. Rubens among other things like to paint voluptuous large women and horses. Anyways i gave this really good talk and at the end someone raised their hand and was like "so he just painted fat chicks? yuck!" I hated high school so much.

Then we went to the LACMA which has a lot of latin american art and really cool ancient sculptures and jewlery. They have an old mummy tomb. and by that time my leg was killing me so we came home and as i said before i am now sitting at home. I'm going to some spa tomorrow. Burke Williams or Brooks Williams or something. I'm not sure but my cousin is sponsoring a shiatsu massage and pedecure. yay! i don't realy like people touching me but we'll see how this goes.

why I love kelly, and my knee

Ok so i was perusing Perez when I came across this. So basically it's this metal rock concert, i'm thinking something of the whitesnake variety. The lead singer looks really really familiar so it's definitely a band that is featured on my "monster ballads" cd. If you know who this band is let me know. Anyways the lead singers are all like hairband assholes and drunk and then suddenly they are like "holy shit, kelly clarkson is in our audience!!" And then they drag her on stage and apparently she is with the lead singer of Yellowcard (you are much cooler than this kelly). And then they make her take a shot of jack and she's loving it cuz apparently she loves 80's heavy metal. And then they are liek "kelly waht do you want us to sing" and she's like "sweet child oh mine!!!!" And then i knew, kelly and I are kindred spirits. And kelly and the hairband all harmonize for a most intense version of "sweet child o mine." The rest of the clip can only be compared to when cathy and i sing karaoke. yes, it's that good. This clip is exactly why i fucking love kelly clarkson.

Anyways what we all knew would happen finally happened. Yup i fell off my bike. i was riding to the movie theaters and i hit a really residential area and the roads weren't paved well and my bike got caught and i skid to the side and fucked up my knee. I got up and just started yelling "fuck fuck fuck!!!" It's a good thing i started wearing my helmet. I usually think helmets are lame and nerdy but last year my parents tabulated how much all of my education has cost and it's about a million so my brain is worth a million dollars so yeah, i really should wear the helmet. Anyways my knee was like gushing blood and puss and shit. Good stuff! But you know what, I got right back on that bike and road on because i dont' know if you know this, guys. But I'M A WINNER! Ugh it was so wretched. I'm never riding again. What made it worse was that after the movie i had to ride all the way back home like 5 miles.

But i saw "Little Miss Sunshine" which was cute. A little depressing but very good.

*** Edit, the band is called Metal Skool. I still think the lead singer used to be in an old band. let me look it up

***** wow ok apparently metal Skool is this 80's metal tribute band, the best one apparently. no wonder they look like whitesnake. And they like rock out and do all kinds of awesome 80's hairband music. How have i never heard of this band! i fucking love metal cover bands! In addiiton apparenlty the lead guitarist whose stage name is Satchel (love) does a solo part o fthe show where he plays the guitar and the drums at the same time! eeemagine! Ok new goal in life, go see Metal Skool. they are basically like Spinal Tap only live. This reminds me of my Uncle Lou's 80's metal cover band "CLAW." so awesome

Me and My ssssss's

so last night Cathy came and picked me up so that we could go shopping for a wedding dress. Cathy's getting married!!! haha no no J to the K. She is attending a wedding and needed a dress to wear. It's for some girl who lives in time square in new york and is hella rich and hella aZian. check out their website http://janeandleon.com/. It's kind of awesomely bad as all wedding websites are. My favorite part is the proposal section where leon talks about taking out the "teal blue box" how original, and feeling "pearls of joy in his soul" after Jane says yes. I've never been proposed to so i don't know if i too would feel pearls of joy but in the meantime i can only mock. I love it! Point being cathy somehow got invited to what is expected to be a very posh affair and she needed a fashion makeover, stat. If she were left to her devices she would show up in a cotton day dress and some Steve Madden kitten heal sandals. It would be truly tragic! These are Azian women! they dress well! I understood her plight because i too am short and find it difficult to find dresses with the right proportions. Anyways we found a black dress and a brown dress with a teal ribbon. I know, sounds wierd, but it works.

so on the way home Cathy started elongating her sssssss's and talking about my lisp and then she asked me why i never fixed my lisp. I then decided i felt it was necessary to tell the story of one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, the day i found out i had a lips. I was 18 and visiting knott's scary farm with my friends. There were a couple random friend of friends people there and one girl named Serena. I only knew serena from Religion class because that was my class where i got to socialize with the non honors students, the plebians. I hated that class. Anyways Serena was talking to me and was like "Cristina, you have a really cute lisp, you know that." In retrospect Serena was kind of butch, a volleyball player, and she might have been hitting on me. Anyways the rest of the convo went like this

Cri: "um....haha....what do you mean? I don't have a lisp."
Serena: "yeah you do. Well it's more like you elongate your sssss's but you definitely have it"
Cri: No i don't!!!! (turn to other friend who i have known since i was 3). Do I have a lisp???
Other friend: Yeah...
Cri: why didnt' you ever tell me!!!
Other friend: We thought you knew! You didn't know!!
Cri: No!!!

This sent me in a gigantic, whirlwind shame spiral. When i got home that night i asked my mom "did you know i had a lips, mom?" My mom responded "yes I did. We were going to take you to speech therapy when you were younger but the doctor said it wasn't bad enough to put you through that." I was in shock! shock! eeemainge you never knew you had a speech impedement and suddenly at age 18 you find out you did and everyone knew you did but you. so tramatic. when i read Harry Potter later in my life i started thinking that maybe my sss's are kind of like parsel tongue or something. so anyways ever since then i have tried to appre-ceeeee-ate the sss's in my life. Anyways i hope this helps to kind of explain my lingo where i write things like "ssssssexual" and "apreccccceeeate" and stuff like that. Maybe take some time today and try to appreeeecceeeeate the "s" in your life.

On another note my housing in Michigan has been finalized and i can move in next friday. yay!! Originally they weren't going to let me move in until the 1st so I was going to have to sleep in a hotel or something for a week. The other day when i road my bike to the mall i stopped at Macy's because i had this idea that i could buy a mattress here and pick it up at a store location there. how very narrow minded of me. I had totally forgotten that they don't even HAVE Macy's out there! Which begs the more important shopping question. What DO they have in Michigan??? What if their malls suck? what if the best store they have is like Kohl's! Orges, can we go shopping in chicago??

sing to me hilary duff!!

ok so i made a deal with Belton that if she watched the new season premier of Laguna i would watch it too. I thought i was too old for this shit, but damn this is gonna be a great season. I hate everyone! this is key to me truly enjoying these reality shows. If i liked everyone what would be the point. Anyways i was contemplating writing a minute by minute update on the episode but i thought...no...but the more i watch the more i realize i NEED to write an entry on this. so i will tivo it sometime tomorrow and recap for you all because it's pure genius.

Let the rain fall down!

I fucking love the theme song. hilary duff i love you!! Assley Simpson has nothing on you, NOTHING!!

SOAP II

did anyone watch the Daily Show last night. Samuel L Jackson was on! Mother fucking snakes on a plane!!!! I'm not gonna lie i was initially worried that wiki was lying and maybe he was not as excited as they were claiming he was, but no, he really IS that excited! he was even talking about a sequel! ok ok i am seeing this movie come hell or high water. apparently it was originally supposed to be some kind of crazy hong kong like movie but that director got fired thus the whole name changing fiasco but the new guy did Sam L. Jackson's favorite movie, "Final Destination 2." ??? I know wierd but whatever i'm willing to roll with it. I have loved Sam L. Jackson ever since i stalked the filming of Jackie Brown at the Del Amo Mall for a week straight. If you look really close during one scene at in the food court you can see my arm buying an Icee. Anyways I got his autograph and took a picture with him in his Kangol hat. Sadly i lost both of those items but it's seared into my memory forever!

SNAKES ON A MOTHER FUCKING PLANE!

me and my bike

i tell you that Raleigh sport bike is the best thing to ever happen to me! I biked to the mall today because i had to stop at joanne's fabrics to buy some piping to finish that baby blanket i've been meaning to line for a while now. Point being, i would like you to eeemagine the closest mall to your house. Now eemagine riding your bike to that mall...are you seeing it? No, because that would never happen!! you would never ride your bike to the mall because that is ludicrous and far! well i did it! It ws approximately 9 miles. 9 MILES!! I am totes getting in touch with my inner waif! Anyways as i was riding back home from the mall i was reminiscing. This was the route that i used to take on my way to school everday. I went to catholic school because all the public schools in my area where ghet-to. liek seriously, people got shot and stuff. So anyways i photographed some of the sites that i showed Cathy when we drove down Sepulveda on Saturday.

First I road by King's Hawaiian, the japanese/hawaiian themed restaurant i discussed a few days back. basically if you are hawaiian you eat here like at least once a week. not being a huge fan of the food or the people i tend to stay away but anyways we noticed this sign on saturday for "kahlua pork nachos" and we both kind of got grossed out.
Doesn't that kind of sound revolting like someone vomitting on your nachos? ugh. I could go off on a whole rant about how i hate nachos because they are gross and excessive and so very not mexican in any way, but i won't. Ok ok wait i take that back. I hate restaurant nachos that have like beans and sour cream and all kinds of crazy shit. i LOVE movie theater and carny nachos that have like the melted velveeta cheese smothered all over them.

Then i road on a little further by this little mini mall parking lot and i saw a used condom. eeewwwwww
My guess is that someone must have been boning in the lot last night and then thrown out the condom as they drove away. so gross. But if i were having sex in parking lots would i be doing the same thing? maybe, who knows.

Then i drove by this foursquare christian church. FYI i went to a foursquare christian middle school and can legitely say they are craaaazy. Protestants generally freak me out though. I found this sign to be quite deep.
It's true, Money does sometimes cost too much. This goes along with my mom's old saying "in everything you do you have to ask yourself, is the fucking i'm getting worth the fucking i'm getting." This can be applied to a job (money) or a relationship or friendship or even literal fucking. so ask yourself today, is the fucking i'm getting worth the fucking i'm getting? I ask myself all the time.

This was the Jack in the Crack where I used to sometimes stop on occasion for a yumbo yack on my way back to school for my AP History review sessions.
What we were really doing was watching historically relevant movies like "last of the mohicans" and "all the kings men" and "1776: the musical!" and other greats films. Actually the next year when i was a senior that AP history teacher got busted in an internet sex scandal. He was trying to arrage sex with a minor over AIM and it turned out the 13 year old girl was actually a cop. busted!! There were news crews all over our school and it was the most awesome week ever! It was also totally not surprising because he was so skeezy in class and all the girls knew it so they would wear their collared shirts to the lowest button so their breasts showed and they would roll up their skirts relaly high and sit with their legs wide open. my friend Christina with an H (we were known as "The Mexican C/h/ristina's") and I used to discuss how he put us in a corner in the back of the room because we refused to show him our cooters. We were all like women's lib and shit in our corner. Actually that story reminds me of another tale that relates. this girl let's call her stacy delaslut, used to roll her skirt up reeeeeeaaaly high and then she'd wear thong underwear and i guess one time she was sitting down and when she got up from the seat there were pubes on the seat. eeewww! so gross right? Well despite all of that we all passed the AP test so i guess he wasn't such a horrible teacher, he was just a pervert. Thank you Mr. Mcguinnes for helping me get into Stanford.

And now our journey down Sepulveda Blvd ends here, at the seedy sex shop around hte corner from my house.
Secret Desires...sounds tempting no? It used to be a mattress store and then somehow in the time i left for college and came back it became a raunchy sex shop that sells lingerie, bikini's and toys. On Saturday Cathy and i were stopped at the light and we noticed a really short mustached white man a la Kip from Napolean Dynamite and a tall thin black call girl looking woman wearing a bikini top and mini skirt. They walked in holding hands i'm sure on their way to buying some really raunchy sex toys.

So our journey down memory lanes ends. Now you having proof, that yes, i do actually live ina really boring part of LA. my ass is sore but i shall ride on.

the goat and the devil

so you know how you have that aunt or grandma or whatever who always talks in sayings like "kill two birds with one stone." Well my mom is that person in our family. But she loves to bust out all of these random mexicanisms. So the other day she was talking about someone, i don't remember the context but out of nowhere she goes, "well you know what they say. Mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo." I was like...what are you talking about, ma? Translation:

The devil knows more because he's old not because he's the devil.

That shit was deep and sat with me. so i started thinking about all the wierd random isms that she has and how these isms may have affected the way i think, like culturally the way i view the world. And then i started thinkingn about the SAT and the GRE and their supposed objectivity but how i always suck at them. And then i realized....hello cultural bias! For instance

"La cabra siempre tira al monte" - the goat always seeks the hills - people don't change

Other kids were at home learning analogies and metaphors about tools and symphonies and instruments and art and stuff and here i am learning about farming and moutain goats. CULTURAL BIAS!!!

www.ramitsethi.com

to all my 5 readers, a convo i had with Ramit Sethi today.

RamitSethi (4:28:15 PM): i laughed my ass off reading your blog
Cristina (4:28:30 PM): really???
Cristina (4:28:32 PM): that is very exciting
RamitSethi (4:28:36 PM): yes
Cristina (4:28:37 PM): did you read about snakes on a plane
RamitSethi (4:28:37 PM): dear god
RamitSethi (4:29:29 PM): btw
RamitSethi (4:29:29 PM): http://snakeplay.pbwiki.com/
RamitSethi (4:29:36 PM): that is the OFFICIAL wiki for snakes on a plane!
RamitSethi (4:29:37 PM): on pbwiki!
RamitSethi (4:34:05 PM): your readership should see your shit
RamitSethi (4:34:07 PM): maybe i will link to you
RamitSethi (4:34:12 PM): but i think your blog is one huge inside joke
RamitSethi (4:34:16 PM): people who know you think its hilarious
hoochiebooty (4:34:31 PM): i know right
hoochiebooty (4:34:37 PM): what do you think it sounds like to people who don't know me??
RamitSethi (4:34:42 PM): probably illterate
RamitSethi (4:34:49 PM): little do they know you are stanford educated
RamitSethi (4:34:52 PM): and phd bound

I hope you all enjoy my stories as much as he does, and to all those who don't know me (are there any of you out there), i'm actually not retarded. I mean to sound like that. it's like, a style technique. And no, i don't use spellcheck. Anyways so if you want to start a wiki my friend has his own company called pbwiki. They may have my favorite slogan of all time. "Make a free, password-protected wiki as easily as a peanut butter sandwich!"

my encounter with a tranny

So i don't know what is up with blogger but for some reason it isn't publishing my last 4 post so they all might hit you in a few days and you'll be like "wow cristina, slow it down with the 50 bagillion posts in one day" but really it was over a 5 days period.

So today i woke up early to drop my mom off at work. This would not have been so awful had it not been for the fact that the korean teenager who lives next door to me was watching some crazy loud dvd until the wee hours of the night. I just heard all of this piano music coming from the window next to mine and it was so hot but i had to close the window but then i could STILL hear the damn piano music. it's been like this for the past few nights which is why i'm assuming she's watching a series. When i went to check it out i somehow got caught in my window treatments and and the curtain rod and curtains all came crashing down on me and i was soooo irate. And i don't know why i didn't just call them curtains, i hate when people call them "window treatments." They are curtains!! Actually my theory on what happened was that she fell asleep with a dvd of some show, i'm not sure which one, in the dvd player and the menu music was playing on repeat for 4 hours. it was this awful depressing, dawson's creekesque type piano music playing on repeat until 3 am. i wanted to cry and then die and then finally sleep. I also was driving myself crazy trying to name that tune for what show she was watching. i couldn't figure it out. So she finally turned off the tv sometime around 3:30 and i got to fall asleep only to wake up at 7 to drop off my mom. blahhh.

so anyways point of borrowing the car was that i wanted to go to the Museum of Contemporary Art so that i could be like cultural and shit. I felt awful driving around my parents monstrosity of a car. As much as i thought that i would never become all "save the earth" and shit, i can't help myself. living in SF has changed me. ugh I've changed! I care about the environment and i felt really guilty driving a Tahoe around LA.

so i went to the MOCA and they were having a Rauschenberg exhibit which i have to say was a bit excessive. He would do these collage paintings that incorporated paint and fabric and newspapers and like a sock and sometimes like a peice of wood and so because it was a painting but also had some aspects of sculpture they are known as "combines." to me it just looked like a collage but whatever. Now i do kind of like modern art although i think that some of it is art and some of it is bullshit. Anyways this guy kind of felt like bullshit. yeah yeah, but rauschenberg is a genius, whatever. so they would have combines like this and it would be called "untitled" and then the critics would be like "he's making a statement on our society and how we consume" and i was like....um really?? cuz to me it seemed like he just put shit together and called it untitled. Freshman year of college i used to make my own version of "combines." Actually there was no 3rd dementional aspect so they were just collages but i too would make statements on our society. Like one time i found this picture of Celine Dion baptizing her baby with her husband Rene and on her baby's head i posted a picture of Christina Aguilera. get it get it! it's like our society worships pop music. And then another time i had a picture of the pope holding his hand up and i glued a pic of a martini glass and a bottle of absolute vodka into his hands. Again i was making a statement on the excess in our society. I should be at a museum.

Well in my humble opinion Rauschenberg was nowhere near as cool as the duchamp "fountain" at the SF MOMA
where he was like "it's art cuz i say it's art! bam!" I respect that shit! He knew it was ridiculous and he was fucking with us. THAT is art! He was all like "oh it's in my own genre that i made up. i call it 'found art'." Here is an actually legit quote that he made, "I threw a bottle rack and urinal in their faces as a challenge and now they admire them for their aesthetic beauty." See he made us see the art in the everyday! Mad respect for you, marcel, mad respect.

so anyways aside from that they had a pollack, a lichtenstein, and other shit. they didn't have as much stuff as the SFMOMA so i got through the museum in 45 minutes, a record for me i think. so that was kind of a disappointment so then i went to the galleria which was also a disappointment mostly because as i have said before, fashion this season upsets me, but more importantly because i don't have any money to buy anything. But as i told my mom "there was nothing cool enough to where i said, I would go into debt for that!" It was all just blah. so then i went to target, i mean basically i was trying ot go to as many places as i could while i had a car.

I went up to the PV library to return the Six Feet under DVD's i had finished and to rent the new ones that i needed. the problem was that i was up to disc 2 on season 2 and they had every disc after that except disc 3! ahh! i went to the front and i was surprised to find that the "woman" servicing me was a tranny, or at least i think she was. I'm pretty sure she was. Anyways i was like "um can you check on the status of disc 3 of this show because it was due on the 4th and it's still not in and i can't continue the saga without it! apparently whoever has disc 3 is holding it hostage and racking up some late fees. I was livid! possitively LIVID! I ended up having to go to hollywood video to get the disc. People don't realize the effect that we all have on each other's lives. that one person selfishly deciding to keep the disc really affected my life today.

Then i drove to another target, 2 targets in one day! nothing relaly eventful happened there except for the fact that on my way there i heard "kiss from a rose" by seal on the radio and was singing along, because it's a bomb song and and i was remembering the batman soundtrack it was on and how that soundtrack was the bomb because it also had Jewel "foolish games" on it which for some reason at age 11 defined my life. Also it was a time when saying something was "the bomb" was not wierd or outdated. Holy crap wait apparently foolish games was on the other Batman soundtrack. wow. Point being i was singing along then suddenly i realized that i had made one of the biggest lyrical faux poxs of my life! All these years i was singing

"now that your rose is in bloom, I like its to bloom on the grave!!"

I know these lyrics make no sense but i didn't have internet at that time when the song came out and i just figured Seal was using some poetic license. Actual lyrics...

"Now that your rose is in bloom, A light hits the gloom on the grey"

That makes SOOO much more sense! I was always wondering why he was talking about a grave and i always assumed the muse of the song was dead and a rose was blooming at her grave. dude i was an IDIOT!! Then i heard "living on a prayer" and i pumped my fist some more for the blue collar, poverty stricken, underdogs of society! yeah fist pumping!!

SOAP!!!!

Ok ok guys very important news for you all to read. So david just called me to say "don't laugh at me, ok? I really want to see 'snakes on a plane'." 5 minutes later when i finally stopped laughing he told me about how he spent half an hour at the ucsf library wiki'ing the movie and apparently it's set to be a new cult classic. um....really? This was kind of what i thought until i read the genius wiki entry on the movie. GENIUS! here are some key excerpts.

While officially marketed as an action horror film, the film is speculated to be a dark, absurdist, or surreal comedy.

Really? what is an "absurdist" comedy?? i am intrigued! Here is a plot summary.

FBI agents Nelville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) and John Saunders (Mark Houghton) escort Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) to testify in a highly publicized case. In the course of a flight between Hawaii and California, an assassin pays airport security to sneak a time-release crate of over 500 snakes of various sizes on board in the hope of killing the witness.

<sup>ok this plot, much like the chili cheese stuffed corn dog at am/pm, has the potential to either be the best idea ever or the worst idea ever. My question is what kind of maniacal genius would think up such a fool proof plan??? Apparently samuel L. Jackson is really pumped about this movie and has been talking some mad shit around town. I guess they wanted to change te title of the movie to something a bit more sedated and, oh i don't know, less idiotic, but jackson in all his badassness wouldn't have it.

he said</sup> "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job...What are you doing here? It's not Gone with the Wind. It's not On the Waterfront. It's Snakes on a Plane!"

oh my god oh my god ok i can't quote how awesome the rest of this wiki article is but all i have to say is samuel l. jackson is a fucking genius! read it pleeeeease!!

David went on to excitedly inform me of the next hip thing which is that when something goes wrong like "shit happens" you can say "well man, snakes on a plane." So like if i'm chatting online with cathy and she's bitching about something nonsensical then i can be like "dude cathy SOAP, you know. get over it." I mocked him at first, but guys, no lie, i kind of want to see it now. like i said, chili cheese corndog, best idea ever or worst idea ever.

i less than 3 LA

So today my parents picked me up from cathy's house (lame right?) and said "man cathy lives in a really mexican area!" Anyways every now and then my parents like to take long drives around LA and see the sights, visit their old haunts from when they were young, and generally act like tourists. One time they drove into down town, parked the car, and got on one of those 8 hour bus tours through the greater los angeles area because they said "we wanted to see what they put the tourists though." My parents are funny like that. My parents were also hardcore partiers in their day and basically kept it going until they hit 50 so there are always good stories to tell. First we hit up east la and my dad showed me Whittier Blvd which apparently all the messicans used to cruise down in their low riders. Reading the next convo you have to imagine my dad's thick accent yelling to me in the back seat while reliving his youth with alot of excitement and emotion.

ME: wait, so why did people cruise here?

PAPI: to have something to do. You know i used to cruise down here when i was younger! La weeettier boolevard.

ME: no way!

PAPI: yeah!! i was in a car club!! It was called "Latin Esex!" I made a t-shirt for myself!! I was the only member!!! I drove my 54 chevy! (pictured to the right)

ME : wait what? it was called "latin sex"

PAPI: yeah!! esex!!

ME: like sex?? What?? Did you say sex like s-e-x???

PAPI: no like e-s-e-x! it was short for "executives!"

ME: Papi, that makes no sense.

PAPI: ehh??? (This is spanish for what?)

ME: nevermind.

This is the same 54 chevy that my dad used to sleep in when he first came to this country. I tell you, having immigrant parents really makes life alot more interesting. They always talk about doing the craziest, most random shit. They then went on to muse on the fun they used to have when they'd go clubbing at the Paladium. Then we hit Cesar Chavez which apparently used to be called "brooklyn street." And then my mom brilliantly noted "ay there is nothing more mexican than la brookleene, remember ernie? We used to say, 'vamos a la brookleene y calle primor'." translation, let's meet at brooklyn and first. We drove around some more and found the first house my dad's family lived in when they came here which eerily enough was on rowan and michigan ave. wierd!! My dad could not get over the fact that there had to be some meaning behind him moving to america and living on michigan ave and me going to university of michigan for grad school. follow the signs in your life, people! They are all around you!

So then we drove up to this really famous tree on top of a hill in boyle heights where you have a view of all of los angeles and my dad says he used to go up there to dream about all of the things he wanted to attain in life. It felt all deep and i always get a little bit emotional when we take our family trips back to where we came from so we can see how far we've come and it always amazes me that i went to stanford and am going ot grad school because i feel like wiht our background i should be working as a checker at the safeway or something not writing a dissertation on minority identity. Anyways it always touches me to see that stuff.

We drove on to the hipper more trendier version of boyle heights, also known as silver lake. This used to be a ghetto, and still has ghetto parts but it also has another most bodacious view of los angeles and thus through many years of gentrification it has gone from poor ghetto to upscale rich white neighborhood. Ah yes, the joys of reverse white flight. Anyways in addition to being where the somewaht in the know upper class live it is also where the wannabe super cool hipsters live and walk around with their ipods listening to a band so they can say "i liked them before it was cool to like them." They even have an american apparel. at one point i saw this total skinny jean wearing hipster who was sitting in a cafe, listening to his ipod, reading "life of pi" and wearing havaiana sandals. And then i noticed that everyone around him in silver lake was wearing havaiana sandals. And i hated them with such a passion because damnit i have like 3 pairs of havaiana sandals and damnit they are really the best sandals i have ever owned! and damnit i read "life of pi" at one point in my life! And i wear skinny jeans some times! And damnit despite my apparently loathing i secretly really want to live in silver lake!!!! I am so very jealous of people who live in cool parts of LA because living in the suburbs in your parents house totally blows.

Anyways we saw all of the new lofts being built in downtown and i'm kind of excited to see how LA is going to be different when i get back because i have a feeling it will be. Also we went to the cathedral of our lady of the angels which is so beautiful! the old cathedral got ruined in the earthquake i believe so they built this new one that is modern and kind of austere and very duomoesque in it's gradeur yet emptiness. that sentence made no sense but whatever. the entrance has this really simple and elegant mary and the doors are all carved with different depictions of the mother mary. And instead of having mosaics or stained glass depictions of the saints they have these beautiful woven tapestries hung all over the church walls
At the gift shop i was really tempted to buy kitschy religious stuff because the mexican catholic in me can't help but love religious paraphenalia. I am currently amassing a collection of religous things like crosses from around the world and things of that nature so that someday i can have a wall of religious art in my house with a giant virgen de guadalupe in the center. It's gonna be very bohemian. eemagine my wall of crosses in my silver lake house over looking downtown la?!! ugh, self loathing kicking in.

Anyways if you are ever in LA i recommend you call up Grace and Ernie, and they will show you a great time in LA. They know all the cool hip unknown spots and to be honest they are way too cool for me. Hey should i make a shirt for myself that says "LATIN ESEX"?? i kind of think i should.

almost paradise!!!

oh what a weekend of what could have been and what actually was. so as i mentioned before the plan was for bobby to make a cameo this weekend and for us to show him all the glory and splender that is the los angeles "south bay" suburbs. I don't really know why but cathy and i were super excited to show him all the fun things that we never actually do living here in los angeles like going to the beach and riding bikes drunk on the pier. Anyways things went awry and bobby could not make it so all of our plans kind of went to shit and we lost all desire to be suburbans.

Friday morning Cathy called me up at 7:30 am and forlornly informed me "this was supposed to be the best weekend of my liiiiiiiifffeeee!!!" no really it sounded like that. Never being ones to sulk we decided to make lemons from lemonade and have what ghetto people call a "double feature." Basically it's going to the local movie theater, paying for one ticket, and seeing more than one movie. warning, this only works at very large theaters in the middle of the day when they aren't checking tickets. also this is truly shameful but i can't lie to you guys so yes, i sneak into movies sometimes! don't judge me! I figure i see enough movies throughout the year to make up for the two movies i sneak into a year. damn the man! save the empire! Anyways also logistically speaking getting a smooth double feature afternoon is quite difficult because you have to look at movie times and plan it with such great precision It's not for the faint of heart.

Ok ok tangent, so we decided to have lunch first at the most fantastic adventure ever, the highly anticipated Lee's Sangwhiches. Apparently they are some massive vietnamese sangwhich chain throughout the southwest. the owner who's name is actually "le" had to change it so that the whiteman wouldn't think it was "le sandwhich" like a french bistro. It was ethnic so i was expecting the type of establishment that has like stray dogs in the back and a letter C for cleanliness, and where no one speaks english and you have to have a translator with you. But what we got was this!!
isn't is so clean!! isn't it so nice!! i know right!! lee's sangwhiches was a most splendid experience! You walked in and it was very inviting and well lit. On the left side they had ice cream and other vietnamese deserts. in the center the menu had pictures and good descriptions so that it was inviting to the average american consumer. and then they had random vietnamese snacks and these nice little vanilla tapioca cakes being cooked on the right side. And oddly enough all of the workers were Mexican. That's LA for you. so check out their website, read their story, lee's sangwhiches!! Actually some of it has really oddly constructed sentences and i think adds to the authenticity. Apparently they started as lunch truckers which they referred to as "catering trucks." guys my dad has a "catering truck" too so i had to throw out some support to the Le family. I less than 3 lee's sangwhiches! EEEEmagine a delicious french roll, some nice BBQ pork, a sprig of cilantro, a few sliced raw jalapenos, and some pickled carrots and jicama. mmmmmm!! Live it, love it, lee's sangwiches.

so after that most fantastic experience we headed to the movie theater to begin the movie marathon. First we saw "world trade center." ok stop, just stop before you say anything. This was kind of a filler movie because we needed a 3rd and didn't really feel like seeing "pulse." We weren't relaly expecting much from it and we didn't really get much. Poor showing, oliver stone! It was cheesy, it dragged on, nicholas cage is just...ugh. It was like the most gigantic piece of republican propaganda ever. at one point cathy and i laughed during one of the "dramatic scenes" because it was not at all dramatic but was more ridiculous than anything. Ok ok let me just give you a little SPOILER. They've been under the rubble for like a whole day now and it's all very sad, i was feeling it, but then that night as some random marine was searching the rubble he finds them and they are so happy and are like "please don't leave us!!! are you here to save us!!" and the marine is like "son, i'm a US Marine! it's my job to save you!" would you really say that to someone who has been trapped under rubbel for 14 hours? i mean do they really care that you are a marine? I know it's based on a true story and that's probably what he actually said but i would have cut that. That's all i'm saying. I will say this, when they showed the latina mother praying the rosary and weeping for her potentially lost son we both lost it and started fanning the tears from our eyes. Granted i cried on Terminator 2 when the terminator died, so it doesn't take much to make me cry. "i order you to say!! i order you to say!!" Oh edward furlong, your acting moved me!

So 3 hours later the movie finally ended and we ran to "Talladega nights" right as the previews were starting. Oh look a new Zach Braff movie! The Garden State II! yay!! Ok ok all jokes aside though i really want to see it. anyways talladega nights was AWESOME! obviously it was dumb but i rather enjoyed it. Will Ferrell is always a pleasure. There was this one scene where he's getting into a fight with a frenchy and the frenchy has him in an arm lock and tells him he has to do something and will doesn't wnat to do it because at this point it's america vs. france and his bff points at his red, white, and blue shirt and is like "Ricky bobby! these colors don't run!!" This cracked my shit up because david always says this in gest when he's pretending to be super republican and watching bill o'reilly. "These colors don't run cristina!! these colors don't run, they bleed!!!" And i laugh and laugh and laugh. Anyways it was a good time with the right person. Cathy and i were chortling up a storm in that theater.

All through talladega we were anticipating the highlight of our day...."step up!" Finally the time came and we went to the step up theater only to be stuck in a line full of 12 year olds who were dressed way better than us. bitches! apparently step up was going to be the highlight of a lot of people's days as the theater ws full. This group of like five 14 year olds sat next to us but there were only 3 seats so the all decided to share the 3 seats because apparently they couldn't sit apart from each other and they started throwing popcorn at each other and giggling and as the previews played the girls screamed and grabbed the guys arm during the "grudge II" trailer and i wnted to hurt them. also i'd like to let you know that Sarah Michelle Geller is making a come back in 2 scary movies this year! Go SMG! Anyways back ot the annoying teeanger, the 2 guys were totally trying to get on the girls so i can imagine that getting stuck sitting really close in a seat built for one was like the best thing ever to them. I just hate when girls act stupid to attract men. And the guys buy it! Fuck man being 14 was so not at all liek this for me. This might have been because i was friends with all of the ethnic rejects and my best friend was a big gay guy. High school was rough, let's leave it at that.

Step up was quite fantastic as teen dance dramas go. It was like "Center stage" meets "flashdance" meets "save the last dance" meets "girls just wanna have fun" meets "boyz in the hood" meets every movie ever made! really it was such a huge mixture of genres. And the girl was hot and made me remember how jealous i am of ballerinas because they can wear layer upon layer and still look thin and also because ballet clothes is so cool! god i wish i had been a ballerina and not a fat awkward teenager. this chick in the movie had some awesome ballet clothes.

Anyways the next day cathy picked me up and we drove around the unsavery neighborhoods near my house where cathy complained about bad asian drivers while she herself was being a bad asian driver. The irony was not lost on her. Then we went to king's hawaiin bakery to pick up a cake where she claims she encountered "the craziest japanese/hawaiins i have ever seen!" They were all stepping on cathy and pushing her because they were really excited to buy paradise cake, a most delicious medley of passion fruit, kiwi and mango cake flavors.

Then we headed back to the glorious city of downey and i realized that cathy lives deep in the heart of mexico. seroiusly all the signs were in spanish and all the corner makets were mercados and carnicerias and pupuserias and all kinds of crazy shit. The "super A Mercado" prononced soooper ah mercahdo, reminded me of the Calimax in tijuana. there was this one store called "el super" which really excited me because that's my nickname, "el super mercado." get it, super market, get it! Anyways here was a fly by shot of el super.
See realy small under the target sign is "el super"! Anyways point being downey was a bit unsavery and we kept lamenting that bobby was missing out on all this suburban ghettoness.

Then we got to her house, set up for the pool party/ Bring your own bowl Pho party. Well people showed up and no one BYOB'd or brough bathing suits, so in that respect the party failed. but in other respects it was quite enjoyable. we drank many of my special recipe margs. Cathy's sister Tranny tran tran tran tran tran tran tran nguyen pulled an MK in the grass and passed out on a pool chair 2 hours into the party. Sadly for the rest of us she passed out before actually making the pho so it became very evident that the whole pho aspect of the party was not gonna happen. When she finally came to 3 hours later she bitterly yelled to me "this would not have happened if bobby had been here! this was indeed unsavery!!!" Poor tranny tran tran tran tran tran tran. Anyways a few hours after that cathy's brother Long also passed out from the massive amounts of prescription pot he was smoking. two nguyens down, one to go. But cathy held it down for the family and rallied on. her cousin's brought there totally awesome karaoke machine and we did our world famous rendition of journey "don't stop believing." as we suspected it got the karaoke party started. A few drinks later we forced everyone to suffer through our rendition of "careless whisper." Backround story is that cathy listen to the "easy listening" station at work and they always play random george michael songs and sometimes she calls me and leaves messages on my phone serenading me with careless whispers and i feel touched and sometimes i do the same for her. Here is cathy feeling very eeeemotional about the whole exxxxxxperieeeenccccce.
"we could have been so good together! we could have made this last forever!! but noooooow who's gonna dance with me!! plleeeeeassse." The audience was stunned with silence. it was that good. Later that night i tried to create an interactive audience karaoke experience by singing "space oddity" and i had everyone close their eyes and eeeemagine they were floating in space alone. No one was really feeling it so i had to cut it short and decided to make up for it with "if i could turn back time." we also got very animated with full fist pumps during some old chicks rendition of "living on a prayer." I fucking love bon jovi!! (pumping fist)

Anyways some annoying chick named ashley decided that she wanted to turn the only table in the yard into a beirut table. goddamn people, why the fuck do you always have to turn a good party into a sigma chi event! beirut is very exclusive, does not allow anyone but the players to interact, and in general just kind of sucks! so much anger! why!! Granted this was one of the better beirut experiences of my life because i became this guy named "wooky"'s muse and he kept dedicating all of his shots to me. Granted he kept missing all of his shots but the point was that i was a muse damnit! Cahty and i were so drunk that i think were speaking in incomprehensible sentences bascially because cathy likes to kind of mock my lisp (at least that's what i think she's doing) so she elongates her ssssss's and i do it too and we just generally sound kind of retarded mixed with the copious amounts of liquor.

Cri: Cathy put down those chicken wingsssss! If they see the thousands of chicken wings....they'll know we've been smoking the pot!!!"
snicker snicker
Cri: okok no ssseriously cathy, that is some really unsssavvery behavior.
Cathy: Crissstina i'm not really apreccccciating your judgement.
Cri: Cathy, are you gonna have sssssssexual relationsssss tonight????
snicker snicker
Cathy, i'm only posting this picture as a warning to you of what comes of the chicken wing effect. put down the fork!! No seriously though, they were some bomb chicken wings.

then we busted out the paradise cake, 3 flavors of delicousness, at which point cathy proceeded to sing "almost paradise" for the rest of the night. "hey guys want some paradise cake!! almost paradise!!! hey do you think the stoners want some paradise cake! want some paradise cake, stoners!!! almost paradise!!!" that was kind of how the rest of the night was. "mom!! where's the MEATLOAF!!! ma!!!" no serioulsy, very unsssavery indeed. again i reiterate that this would not have happened had bobby been present. Bobby kind of forces cathy to act with a certain sense of decorum.

FYI the rest of the lyrics to the song, which we could not figure out at the time were

Woah, almost paradise
We're knocking on heaven's door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear that I could see forever in your eyes,
Paradise

So anyways i attemped to pass out on the couch but was woken up every hour for the rest of the night by the above mentioned stoners and other nepharious characters that were also passed out throughout cathy's house. all and all it was a good time. But bobby, we missed you like what!!