i amaze me

You know how sometimes in movies and books peopel say they have moments where they amaze themselves and it gives them a sort of renewed sense of spirit? Well that is what i have right now. Guys, i think i have officially topped myself for party decor. Prom is happening tomorrow night, ie my 80's bday party. I have been shopping for decorations and putting shit together all week and basically this is what i have come up with.

My engineer friend came over and we set on building the rubiks cube photo op arch.
This is hugo and i, on our first attempt. We taped the top and it all collapsed. Did i mention that hugo is an electrical engineer, thus highly useless for building things? yeah so after designing a very intricate rope and pulley system hidden within the blocks we made it work and came up with this. I wish you could see the hooks and ropes and shit holding all this shit up. the french came home and i forced him to model what pictures tomorow would look like
i loooooove it!!! And in conclusion, from a few different angles complete

The next feat was to accomplish the task of installing a semi permanent disco ball lighting system. Lots and lots of fishing wire and an ikea spotlight later i got it worked out. alls i have to say is thanks baby jesus for high ceilings! so much more decoration potential! so we have this ridiculously high ceiling, like vaulted. And to reach it we usually have to borrow a ladder from our neighbors. going to their house is always bizarre because they have lots of cats and it's like a real house. It has plants and a pantry full of food and like lots of furniture and throw blankets. and i realized, our house does not really look lived in. It totally looks like we are ready to have a party at any second and need to be able to move furniture in 10 minutes. That is our house. Anyways here is the disco ball

It would look much cooler if you could see the lighting system and what not. But more photos will come tomorrow on the actual night. Now i just have to hang up the glow sticks, cover the doors with foil and built my robot!!!!!!!!!!!

shorts

so i know we all have been reading this stuff white people like website and been saying "omg it's totes true!!" or we have been saying "oh man i am so white." etc etc. Well peep this

It really is true that white people are completely ridiculous. The other night we went to our weekly dance bar and we came across these ridiculous whhhhhite people on the dancefloor. Let me give you context. It was 24 degrees outside, icy, and basically cold as balls. Granted i was wearing formal shorts and fishnets but i had a long coat so this somehow excuses me i think from being mocked.

so yes here is the image of waht we saw

crazy whhhhhite man in shorts!!! it is not summer yet!! the shorts where completely inappropriate! Note my arm waving a very angry "no no no" finger at the whole situation
whhhite people, a whole mess of them, dancing to the beat of their own drum. I mean basically that is it but i just wanted to reiterate that

"It is a known fact that white people believe that they can bring spring early by wearing a pair of shorts on any day that is above seasonal temperatures. This myth runs so deep that they will often wear shorts the following day when temperatures drop, at which point they will refuse to recognize that it is cold."

dance on, white boy! may your dancing bring spring!

hey!! i'm alive!! yes, it's been a while and i will explain why. Basically it's been cold as shit and snowing and i don't do anything but sit in my room and occasionally go out and make a fool of myself at the local bar. so really there wasn't all that much that was appropriate to say in an online forum.

And i know that no one likes a complainer but can i just be that person for like 5 minutes here. I think i have earned it. So here are some fun winter pics!!!
cute huh!! you are probably thinking, "wow those must have been taken back in january when it was all blizzardy and shit!" wrong! these were taken 4 days ago. yes it is almost the end of march and we are still having snow storms. Seriously guys, i cannot even explain to you in words my utter disappointment and disillusionment. i can survive most of winter becuase i have the hope of march and tulips in bloom and sun. But now it's been like 2 weeks with no sun and it's really affecting me. I just want to sit around and watch tv and eat ramen and NOT GO OUTSIDE and just do nothing. It's really really truly wretched. There is just something inherently wrong with getting snow storms in march. and now the worst part is that this week we're gonna have light snow and then go straight into the raining season. I just feel like...i feel drained of all of my spirit. I feel like it has left me and i'm hopeless. yes, weather is this powerful. trust me, you don't know until you know and then if you knew you would just know.

So anyways my 26th birthday is coming up. Basically i have like 6 more days before my poor judgment is considered sad instead of being youthful mistakes. After this it's like, any mistakes i make are for real and will affect the way that people view me. So i'm throwing myself a prom party. I was really excited about it for a while but now that it's coming up i just feel like i'm gonna be the only one dressed up and i don't even have a dress yet and i have like drafts of shit due this week and i really honestly don't know how i'm going to do it all.

so here is the vision. The theme is "prom 1982" and the theme of prom is "In the year 2000: the future." So i want to play off of like the way that we imagined the future being. So lots of foil and silver and maybe a cardboard spray painted robot. I mean honestly i don't know how i'm gonna do it because no one wants to help me because they do not see my vision. It's moments like this when i miss college, when people cared about sticking to a theme. Now it's just like, i have the vision and no one to help me bring it to fruition. But anyways i'm imagining i should be pretty awesome assumign i get enough sleep this week and get my shit done.

this is turning whiny. i'm ending it. This was just to say that these are my "winter" pictures that i took the 2nd day of "spring."

moments of clarity

So I have this tendency of just talking without thinking about what i'm saying first. it's not that I haven't thought about the things that I say because i am in my head all the time, but i just have this tendency to say extremely ridiculous things with no sense of shame whatsoever.

Case in point, Saturday night my roommates "went big." this is what we say we are gonna do on nights when we all really feel the need to dance and pump fists and have just a great free time. So for a whole week before every time I see O on his way to the bathroom he will say "we're going big this weekend! going big!!" i mean our lives are pretty uneventful so the thought of "going big" tends to get us through the week. to top off our going big night i also had a grad school recruit in town. To anyone who has ever done a recruitment thing it's a very emotional time because thye ask you all kinds of questions like "do you like it here" and "what is dating like" and "do you regret going to gad school." I mean basically you have to answer all of the questions that are constantly going through your head 24/7 only now you have to somehow convince someone that this choice you made was a good idea. so needless to say Annette and I were feeling extremely emotional. I was sleeping in Bert's bed because he was not home and i let the recruit sleep in my bed. And somewhere between the shot, finding a VIP room and my 3rd vodka gimlet i found myself in line for the restroom with Annette. Here is what I apparently said (she just reminded me this right now as we were watching tv)

"Annette, we cannot cry tonight. It's your fucking birthday and if you want to cry wait until we get home and cry there with people who know and care about you. And if you want, I'm going to sleep in Bert's bed tonight and you can join me and we can cry together and then we will leave him a note and it will say 'tears were shed here. signed, Cri and Annette'."

I do not remember saying this but as seems to be the case quite often I am not that surprised that these words came out of my mouth. It is just enough melodrama to assure me that i said this. In addition, it is also something that i was feeling. But i find it odd how sometimes you can feel something very strongly and not express it. And then days later realized that in some drunken moment of clarity you actually DID express it and someone else saw your POV and also shared a moment with you.

So what actually happened? you might ask. I did cry sort of on public on a street corner one block from my house. I couldn't even make it that fucking block. isn't that just the shit right there

Taxes and Snow Storms = one in the same

guys, there is nothing like doing your taxes to make you realize how poor you are, and worse insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 95% of the questions do not relate to me. I have no assets, i do not own a house or a hybrid, and i am not eligible for any credits. The only thing i am apparently eligible for is food stamps. My roommate and i contemplated the idea of rolling into whole foods with our $200 government subsidie check and proceeding to buy ridiculous amounts of organic foods. Poor people need hormone free chicken too!! But seriously my dad would die of shame so clearly i won't. I also had to fill out the FAFSA for a grant i am applying to and it asked me how much money i had in my bank account and how much "cash on hand you have." I won't embarrass myself by listing the amount over this here internet production but let's just say it's less than most of your monthly FICA tax.

In other news it's spring, and by spring i mean it's snowing. I seriously don't even remember what not cold felt like. I only know gradiens between freezing and slightly less freezing. I keep tricking myself by wearing lighter jackets and "accidentally" forgetting my gloves. But none of this actually provokes the sun to come out and i just end up with frozen hands. I mean it's mid march! in California we would be like a week away from summer. I was cited as saying in one of my drunken moments of genius "March is like a bad boyfriend. It treats you all sweet and warms up for like a day and then BAM, it just gets all cold on you again as soon as you get used to it. MARCH TELLS LIES!" Now imagine me in some ridiculous outfit trapesing around in the snow screaming this a the top of my lungs, and you will really get the picture.

So yeah, this is just a minor update to say I'm alive, I'm a mess...as always