California, here we cooooommmme!

I decided to spend the day watching the first season of the OC and i have some observations

1. First and most importantly, damn this show used to be good! what happened!

2. Marissa was not so annoying on the first few episodes. I even kind of dare i say felt for her.

2. When Ryan stays at the Cohens the first night they introduce him to thier maid Rosa who is making Ryan's bed, at night, which means she lives there. Apparently Rosa was not a key character as she was promptly never shown again after episode one.

3. The characters were so much more realistic, and maybe that's why i loved the first season. Seth is actually a huge nerd and i believe it, Ryan is actually from the wrong side of the tracks and is interesting. Summer is really stupid and high schoolish, and more importantly Marissa really is kind of tormented.

EPISODE 3
4. I totally forgot how Jimmy and Kirsten had had a thing when they were younger. Just more evidence of how the OC loves to create plots lines that they never follow through with.

5. Luke!! god how i missed luke!

6. Oh my bad, I take it back. Apparently this elusive maid Rosa makes another guest appearance in episode 3. Oh wait she makes two appearances in episode 3!

EPISODE 4
7. It's really at this point in the show, the katillion episode where marissa's acting skills are put to the test and she fails miserably. Before this i totally bought her as the poor little rich girl. I even pittied her. I might have even believed that someday she could go to Berkeley.

EPISODE 5
8. Apparently Julie, Katlyn and Marissa are all vegetarians. Jimmy mentions how he lives in a house with 3 vegetarians. hmm yet another bit of supurfluous informaiton that the OC does not use later. interesting.....

EPISODE 11
9. Many apologies to Rosa as i clearly unerestimated her importance to the show. She makes yet another appearance!

yes, I have watched 11 hours of the OC in one day, and yes, you can judge me.

Camping with the fam

So i just got back from 4 days of nature with the family. yes that's right, we went camping. Ok so i wouldn't necessarily call it nature since my uncle bought an RV and when we weren't on his boat doing water sports we were in the camper watching dvd's of old scary movies. But this was nature for a city girl like myself. For instance, I showered only once for the whole 4 days i was there, I didn't care that my virgin feet were being exposed to the elements. But more importantly I ate spam. It was me, my mom's sister Lupe, my uncle Chazz, their two kids Brian (19) and Alexandra (15) and my cousin Mo (12). His name isn't actually Mo, it's Nathan. what happened is that my uncle chazz has this tendency of calling people by wierd nick names that don't necessarily make sense. like my nick name is LeenaWeena because when i was younger he had this little song he'd sing that went something like this.

"cristina -
leena weena
is a friend of mine
Cristina
leena weena
looks like frankenstein!!

And so we call Nathan Mo because he started called him "nathaniel" which evolved into "mofanio" which then became "mo" or "fanny" used unterchangeably. Poor kid is gonna be so messed up when he gets older. Anyways being on a campground full of White trash in campers really changes your perspective. After only a day we suddenly found ourselves sitting on lawn chairs eating chips saying "wow look at that guy's camper! that is a 40 footer 8 wheeler!! Damn that is a sweet camper!" Believe me these are words i never believed would I would utter. And yet we found ourselves awed by a camper knows as "the Raptor." and then suddenly we found ourselves talking to this man who was blasting the country version of "I don't wanna miss a thing" from the back of his raptor and my uncle saying "eey ahh, how much did ya pay for that there camper." i mean really. The picture doesn't really do it justice but i will try to describe it. It was like 45 feet long and we even asked the guy if we could go inside. No shit guys 3 sides of it popped out and there was a master bedroom separted by a wall. A shower, brand new granite top kitchen with aluminum appliances. A decent sized living room with a couch/pull out mattress. And then the most ridiculous part was that in the back it had a garage where you could fit like your ATV's and shit. The guy driving it said that his wife had left him and this was all he had. That was kind of sad to me. More sad than that though was that the people across from us tried to pass of their "rampage" as a "raptor" but really it was the poor man's "raptor." don't you love how they have ridiculous names like that.

I had to include a picture of my cousin's dog KiKi. isn't she the cutest dog ever!! i don't really like animals because they smell and poo everywhere but this dog is just too cute for words.


ooh boochy booch so cute!!!

So one big facet of the trip as i mentioned before was that we would go into the RV during dinner and watch old scary movies like "texas chainsaw massacre" and "the hills have eyes" and the more regrettable "jeepers creepers." I really want those two hours of my life back. Anyways everytime we would watch these movies we would note how the people who always died were dumb white people. Note how you never see a Black or Mexican family taking a roadtrip and saying "oh hey let's stop in this old abandoned sketchy looking gas station." No, shit like that doesn't happen to people of color! Anyways we were going on and on about the dumb people in these movies. So the next day while we were boating around the lake we found this super creepy old abandoned Air Stream camper. The conversation that we had about it when something like this (context: Uncle Charlie has this tendency of trying to make up wierd acryonyms):

"wow look at that creepy trailer! oh my god go closer!!"
"Who do you think lives there?"
"I think it was a guy named TTOD"
"do you think he had a studder?"
"yeah he totally did and peopel called him TTOD because he had a studder"
"why did they call him TTOD"
"Trailer Trash of Death!!"
"Ha ha ha!!"
"hey man NEGOT"
"??"
"Never Ever Go Over There!"
"Ha ha ha!"
"hey hey hey guys what's 3 minus 5? Negot 2!!!"
"HAHAHA"
"Seriously guys we are retarded."

so anyways the rest of the story has to be told in photographs. Note the irony of the fact that the night before we had been criticizing people in scary movies for putting themselves in dumb positions.
so we pulled up closer to the shore so that we could get a better view of Ttod's dwelling. the beach had all kinds of wierd left over cooking equipment and this old abandoned wooden wheel. My uncle and i thought that perhaps this was where the proverbial wheel had been invented.


We had to tie the boat to a log and we left Kiki and my aunt Lupe on the boat. I said "hey guys what should our code for "untie the boat, there's a killer coming!!! be?" My cousing aptly responded "how about, 'RUUUUUN'!!!"
This code word was agreed upon and we trecked up the hill. my cousin Brian broke his leg somewhat recenty so he had a limp. Family in the middle of nowhere, dark Mogelie looking boy with a limp, no one to hear you when you scream...this had all the makings of the perfect scary movie.
On our way up the hill we had picked up a few sticks for weapons, as you can see in nathan's hand. It was seriously creepy.
When we got up close it looked like someone had burned the camper and ripped off the door. Perhaps in a fit of rage Ttod had burnt someone alive. Or maybe the local townsmen had set fire to Ttod's trailer while he was in it to stop the mass murders he was committing in the Lake Nacimiento areas. Who knows.
We figured if we were already there we might as well go in.

Nathan found a piece of wood with "bloody" nails sticking out of it and we decided that perhaps this was Ttod's weapon of choice. The bloodly nails, we later realized were actually red trim painting from the window sill. So anyways we made it out alive and lived to tell the story of Ttod and the pass on the message of NEGOT. Learn it, love it, live it guys.

Later that night we decided to do some night fishing. But we all knew that night fishing was just an excuse for my uncle to tell the fresh meat, nathan, the story of the shit monster. We have all these rites of passage in our family for camping. Like you have to try skiing or tubing with my uncle charlie at least once so that he can be totally abusive to you and drive so fast that you fly off the tube and you hurt yourself so badly that you never want to ski or tube again. Well the Shit Monster is a little bit liek this and when you are young it's actually kind of scary but now we just kind of pass the story on for good times.
As you can see with my wavy thick hair everyday was a bad hair day. So the story goes that one day a long time ago there was a man who had a sudden urge to use the restroom. Now everyone pees in the lake but what he had a sudden urge to do was a little more than peeing. He had a major SA. So he swam out to a remote place and did his buisiness. Little did he know that in that very spot there was a very special strain of bacteria growing, and this bacteria when combined with shit created a living breathing creature whose sole purpose was to kill. It floats around looking like a giant piece of shit and hiding among the green algea of the lake and when you least expect it at night near the fishing docks, the shit monster will pop out of the water like in Creep Show 2 and attack you. As i said before, we are retarded.

here is me doing some ultra cool water sports! Hoorah for heroic feats of athleticism.

So that was basically the gist of the trip. good times were had by all. Oddly enough despite my hatred of the horrendously bad movie "jeepers creepers" the whole drive home on the empty G14 highway i kept expecting to suddenly see a big black creature flying over my car and hear my ipod playing "Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those weepers."
No such thing happened but what i did find was this totally creepy oil digging thing. Someone coudl totally chase you with a chainsaw through this oil field.

But the highlight of my trip was definitely as i drove through Burbank and drove past the Quixote production company where Audrina from The Hills works!! Like Oh my god!!

Sergio Mendes

So Catherine had the brilliant idea a few months ago of going to the Hollywood Bowl and drinking and eating hummus. We finally bought tickets and tonight we went to see Sergio Mendes. Basically any Brazilian samba music you've ever heard (except the girl from ipanema) is him. My mom loves him and used to play his cd's a lot. It was the bomb concert! For anyone who has never been to the Hollywood Bowl i highly recommend it. It's a huge amphitheater nestled in the hollywood hills with the Hollywood sign in the background above the stage. And you can watch concerts with the 10 stars of LA overhead. So romantic. Also the best part is that you can bring food and drinks into the shows so everyone is totally drunk. We were sitting in front of the Faber family who were having a reunion. They were a jolly bunch.
So the problem is that you get so drunk and it's outdoors so you just talk and dont' really realize that you are still at a concert. So apparently we were being loud but whatever everyone around us was being loud. So this rather large bald man sitting alone in front of us felt the need to turn around and yell really loudly "why don't you shut the fuck up!!!!" The whole section was silenced and apalled. The Fabers said "how dare he! We're at the hollywood Bowl!" it was very unsavery. After that we didnt' quite know waht to do. Should be talk? Can we clap? Then Sergio started asking the audience to "make some noise" but we felt like we really shouldn't after that man's outburst. Then Bob Faber started singing along and Catherine broke the ice by turning around and saying somewhat loudly "can you please keep it down!" We all started rolling and that evil man in front of us was silenced for the rest of the night. he didnt' even clap or anything! Like i knwo you love sergio mendes but it's a concert and the point is to have fun. And fun we did have. Sergio had a few guest singers with him like India Ari and John Legend...so hot. But the best part of the night for me was when some 80's crooner came out and sang "never gonna let you go!! i wanna hold you in my arms forever!!" with a samba twist. Can you eeeeemagine! It was that good. I just kept wanting to shake my shoulders and hips separately. Good times.

i left my heart in San Francisco...and my TiVo

So my last day in San Francisco was good times. I spent the first part of it sleeping and then i took the muni...so special. On my way to UCSF to see david i went through Dolores Park and saw all the unemployed happy people i had spoken of before tanning.I realized that i coudl have joined them since i too was unemployed and living on my parents money but i don't believe in skin cancer and most importantly i dont' want sun spots and leathery skin when i'm 35. gross.

That night we headed to a cool bar called bliss wear i had a lychee martini and much much more. Then we headed to beauty bar where we took these key pictures. Note the glitter wall painting.
I must have been pretending to get my nails done or something. I kind of love the superfluous shot glasses in the background
I'm eemagining Ivan saying "ahhhh!"
David looking "cool." Oh David...
And then minnie looking way too fabulous as usual.

So now I am back in LA and i spent 5 hours showing my parents how to burn a CD today. I wanted to die afterwards. I was full of so much rage.

A lovely daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

What a faboo day i had yesterday!! I realized something. During my time in SF i was surrounded by unhappy people on the bus and train trying to get to work or trying to get home and no one was ever just leasurely taking the bus. But yesterday there were like people in the park at 1 pm on a Wednesday. These were unemployed people who probably don't have to worry about money cuz their parents are subsidizing their living and so instead of freaking out about rent they were playing frisbee and sitting with their dogs probably painting or some shit like that. And these people were nice and happy and nodded to you on the BART and didn't look bitter and jaded. I love these people! Also i was surrounded by gay and straight tourists all over downtown. so nice! So i started my day by walking through the mission because i wanted to see all of the murals that David had showed me once on the Vespa. This is a mural of powerful women outside of the Mission Women's Center. It's Rigoberta Menchu. I saw her in MemChu once for a talk, she was very cool.
this is another block across the street from the Bombay Creamery that changes every year and it's just a bunch of murals that random local artists do. Very cool.
I liked this one. "everywoman: her weapon, rising up." word
this is my favorite one though. I don't know, it's just cool
And then i walked around downtown and ended up....at the gates of hell!!! No no just kidding it was just the entrance to Chinatown, the region that incited so much anger in my soul. Why!! But this time like i said i was surrounded by happy chinese people, not chinese people trying to get on the 30 bus to downtown. NO these were happy chinese vendors! so nice! Although down the street from here i saw a chinese man blow a bugger ouf of his nose onto the sidewalk and then just keep walking. yeah, i know.
yay chinatown! Happy lanterns, happy people. I was so happy i decided to buy a jade elefunt. in my head i kept calling it an "EleFont" but i couldnt' figure out what movie it was where the people called them "elefonts." does anyone remember what movie this was???? Anyways i bought a jade elefont for good luck and health. cheesy i know but elefonts are in so shut up. Also i'm sure it was probably fake jade but i bought it at an actual jewler so you never know. And then david and i went to a Med school wine and cheese event. Good times. i decided that the table full of wine bottles is like the grown up version of the the keg. People just get trashed without even thinking about it becaus it's just wine. Anyways this is an action shot on the vespa. I look like i'm saying "where am I? What is this??" But that's kind of just how i feel on the vespa all the time.

Anywyas I had high hopes of hitting up the botanical gardens today but now it's almost noon and i'm sitting in bed in the dark and i don't know. we'll see. Drinking tonight! woo!

So here I am in SF for the week. God i'm seeing how beautiful this city is when you are unemployed and don't have to pay rent. it's awesome!! i walked around Haight Tuesday and bought cheap knock offs of expensive dresses. I went to this store called Ambiance and their motto is "at ambiance, we really like you" emphasis on the really. Isn't that the stupidest slogan you've ever heard. Anyways point being ambiance had a designer dress polka dot booby showing jersey wrap dress for 120 and i got it at an azian knock off store down the street for 30 bucks. I figured with a dress like that why pay quality when i'm only gonna wear it a couple of times in the summer. So anyways i had this vision of taking tons of pictures of my walks through the city but then i felt like a) i kind of hate tourists who stop and take random pics of homeless people in the city, b) i'm not an artist so i can't pass myself off as creative person taking a shot of beauty and c) pictures don't explain my feelings. Anyways here are the pics I took yesterday. art??
Yay Pride!! This weekend is pride. I'm so sad i can't be there. there were so many gays walking around downtown, but you could tell they were gay tourists. It made me happy. i saw this old Filipino gay man in front of a jewlery store that had a bejewelled rainbow bracelet, and he was wearing platform flip flop sandals and sunglasses and yelled "oooooooohhhhh i liiiiiiik dat!" I love the gays...and speaking of the mo's
Here is a pic of the city's Emporio Armani. Ivan and i once pretended that we were looking at the artchitecture but we really just wanted to see the clothes. It's a really pretty building though. It reminds me of Florence where all the designer stores were in cool classic buildings.
Anyways in my attempt to find city memories and memorex them this is the only real one that stuck out. ivan and i were trying to go to a movie and we had alotted ourselves like 30 to 45 minutes to get a fucking quizno's sangwhich. We had both been craving quiznos forever and were waiting for a while for this damn sangwhich. Anyways we tried 3 different quiznos and they were all closed on sundays because everything in the financial district closes on weekends. And then we tried to go to like a subway or anything but they were all closed and the only thing that was open was this del taco, a local homeless hang out. so we had really gross food and to top it off we had to spend extra money to take a cab to the theater because all of this quizno's treasure hunting had taken forever. Ah the memories...
I leave you with this shot. it was my attempt at ultimate hipsterness and irony and in that irony i truly achieved the ultimate hipsterness! Note I am wearing everything i swore i would never wear. Basically i have no real morals that i stick by. Note the Rainbow sandals, the city shorts (ugh), the red helmet of coolness, and Dr Love's vespa. What you can't see in this photo is that we are in the hipest most unknow center of hipsterness, Noe Valley. Also you can't see that we had just come back from buying kitschy mint water and hibiscus strawberry drinks from the local Bi-Rite, a small time, organic super market. yuck!!! can you eemagine.

Old pics

So my dad finally took the time to get all the pictures off of his camera of our trip to Mexico last December. Oh what a trip it was. We went to my mom's village i had some deep thoughts which don't necessarily need to be shared at present but here are some fun pics of the shit hole where my mom was born.

Apparently i was passed out in the car when they took this picture. I think it would have been really cool to stand in front of this sign but alas the 2 hours of desert landscape and tumble weeds put me to sleep. Oh yeah the town we were headed for was Romita! Sounds small town ish doesn't it!


Me and Mom in front of the town church. I just noticed how the people in the background look really tiny and i don't knwo if they are actually small people or if we are on higher ground. The inside of Romita's one church. Yes, those are pinatas hanging. See now you can tell people that pinatas aren't just for stupid birthday parties, but real mexicans actually use them. I didn't take a close up of all the creepy life-like cloth statues that had real hair because i didn't want a curse put on me. there were some really intense looking indian women in there and we had to secretly take this picture.
The house with what looks like fish net hanging on the outside was where my grandma was born. Yeah...i know. I cant' really figure out where the fishnet is coming from cuz my mom is from the equivalent of Arizona in Mexican geography.
I really love this picture. It's the door of my mom's house! I mean basically what you see is the width of it and where the green wall becomes white is the end of the house. She claims that they were the richest people in her town, which i think speaks volumes about Romita. The reason we look so awkward is that a creepy old lady who lived inside kept opening the door and looking at us. My mom tried to talk to her and tell her this was the house she grew up in and we thought the women would show some hopsitality and let us come in but she just slammed the door in our faces. bitch.
Me and my mom very intensely eating a torta. Mmmm mexican Sssssangwhiches. In retrospect wearing burberry in a poor mexican village seems a bit inaprop.
and this is my favorite picture of all. It's me totaly grossed out as i watch my mom scarf down a plate of cueritos. Translation, pickled, raw, pig skin. Yeah, now you have that face too. I was curious and tried one. It was good but the idea of waht it was kept me from fully enjoying it. Also I kept thinking "what are the repricautions of eating pickled raw pork skin." I found my answer later that night on the empty desert highway of Guanajuato as I was hit with a major SA. Oh man we were like 45 minutes from our hotel and it hit me. My dad said that he had toilet paper and we could pull over and my desperate response was "i'm not shitting on a cactus!!" Anyways i didn't, end of story, but it was bad. Beware of the cueritos.

And those were the highlights of my trip to Romita. God i love going to Mexico. I think we're gonan do it again this December only we're hitting up my dad's home state where Papi and i plan on doing a tour of Tequila, Guadalajara. Oh yeah!

"I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!!"

So I have a stomach ache probably from too much tequila and Doritos and sun but anyways I can’t sleep and I was laying in bed only to find one of the best surprises! “Never Been Kissed” is on TV. God I tell you I not so secretly love this movie. It’s up there with “The Wedding Planner” in my list of movies that truly get better the more you watch them. "You saved my choo." Need i say more.

I remember when I was in high school my friend Ryan and I secretly went to see this movie. We made sure to go to the ghetto side of the del amo mall where we knew no one would catch us. This was the same empty theater where we saw "10 things I hate about you" and "spice world," the latter being one of the only things i regret in my life. Why?? Anyways I love the part where she flips out at prom and tell everyone stupid they are, cuz I wanted to do that. Granted I was not a full on Josie in high school but I had the minor chunk and the braces and my hair was going through some change where it went from straight to curly. It was rough times. I think in some way all us nerds can relate to this story. Anyways Josie always reminded me and Ryan of this girl that we were friends with, and I won’t name names but I really hope that she is not 24 never having been kissed, although something tells me it’s very likely that this is the case.

Actually since we are going down memory lane i had this recollection of my friends and i deciding one summer that we'd spend our free time writing fan mail and hate mail to our favorite stars because we found some book that had addresses of the stars. I know, you don't need to say it, it's LA. So anyways one letter that sticks out is the one we sent to Drew Barrymore where we told her that she really was a pretty girl but why did she feel the need to always expose her breasts and act slutty and stupid and make crappy movies of the "Poison Ivy" variety. I think it's funny how everyone makes drew to be this sort of mother goddess, america's sweetheart, and how quickly we forget the early days of drug addiction of breast flaunting. BTW if you have never seen Poison Ivy i highly recommend it. Anyways the letter was sent back, but after that she did stop making crappy movies.

But more importantly this movie was the beginning of my obsession with Michael Vartan. I love when Drew is in the middle of the baseball field and she’s about to give up hope and she sadly drops the microphone in slow mo and then kind of shrugs her shoulders like “it’s ok I didn’t expect any less.” And then…he shows up in all his glory and made all of us young nerds thing “someday I’m gonna get a bomb makeover and get in touch with my inner waif and a hot man will fall for me for my beautiful soul and intellect.” Le sigh...Look into his sexinesss...he is the only real reason i watched Alias. MMmmmm

yeah i really had to purpose in writing that other than to say that i love michael vartan.

LA is Ridic

This weekend was truly Cray Cray. I've discovered so many things being back in LA namely that i've changed! I am so not LA! but i am also not SF. It's like...i'm in a state of limbo. but this past weekend i saw 2 very different parts of LA. Cathy took me to this dive bar called "Alex's Bar." It's the kind of place that has no sign but you have to walk behind an alley to get into it. in fact if you asked me now where it is i definitely would not be able to find it. The bar looked kind of like a barn with very strange decor of Elvis paintings mixed with MLK paintings, a zapata painting, and old mexican art with demons on it. Totally random. but it was the bar patrons that truly made me say "i need a drink!" It was Rockabilly kids mixed with the occasional Britney Spears look alikes. As usual i began to wonder "where the hell do these people live?" For those who don't know, rockabilly people basically dress like 50's greasers meet hillbilly. Like how in SF hipsters are modern fashion meets 80's rockabilly is modern meets 50's. Also these kids were kind of like living the lives that hipsters in SF pretend to live. Like their clothes was actually from goodwill and not marc jacobs. Basically they didn't swear. Anyways cathy's friend kept talking about dancing so i was eeemagining getting down to some "SOS" and grinding. Well i walk in only to find a 4'11 johnny cash look alike who had a state of the art karaoke machine and was taking requests. It was so bizarre. he was short and old and had huge hair and then was singing a wierd rockabilly version of Prince's "kiss" and Tom Jones songs. I hit the bar for a drink only to be shocked again. 3.75 for drinks!!! Dear god this is like heaven! This is what drinking in teh suburbs is all about. Anyways by the time we showed up everyone else in the bar was completely trashed and falling literally falling all over the place. And women were throwing themselves and the man i would laterly discover was "the legendary Phil Shane."


Would you throw yourself at this man?

Actually these are pretty young pics of him cuz he looked like he was in his 60's and old man could move. But serioulsy people were dancing like there was something to dance to. It was one of the best people watching experiences of my life. I imagine a lot of the women there shopped at Torrid, and that speaks volumes.

Saturday i went and did the other side of LA, the West Side. I was in Paris Hilton's stomping ground and wow what a totally different experience. I can now see why people hate LA. Angelinos of the west side variety really do suck. I went out with Silvia who lives in the "cool" part of LA. i was informed that we would initially be hanging out at "savage's" house (for those who are not in the know this is Ben Savage of the Corey Matthews fame) so I wore some really high heels that I knew i could stand a little bit in. I figured we'd be sitting down most of the time so it didn't matter. Wrong! change of plan. First we walked from her friend's apartment to the beverly center. And i kept thinking of that song "walking in LA? Walking in LA? Nobody walks in LA!" Cuz seriously i have walked miles in flat shoes throughout the hills of San Fran but to be walking in 4 inch heels 7 blocks to the Beverly Center....IN LA!!! That was just wrong. Anyways we met up with some of her peeps who were not necessarily worth describing other than they were the guys who once we got to the club starting high fiving each other on the dancefloor. But one good thing about them was that they were so desperate to get into this club that thye paid for our cover. So we ended up on the Sunset at a club called "Privilege." No, that was not my typo, that was for reals what it was called. Two words...they swear. Anyways they had a normal people's entrance and a red carpet, vip entrance. Oh LA... So after much discussion the guys decided that they wanted to get in at all cost so they tipped the bouncer, huge giant man, some undisclosed amount and we got in. Woo got into club for free! The inside was like...i dont' exactly know what the decor was. It was kind of like a den of sin, very dark, with little alcoves of tables for people who payed alot. And then the dancefloor was actually outside but you couldn't tell it was outside because it was covered in a canopy roof with a chandelier. And surrounding the dancefloor were ropes and this was the cut off point for the vip area. I was wondering who i would see that night but never in my wildest dreams did i think that i would see the pauly shore!! god i love him! And i'm beign legit cuz i actually own encino man and son in law...on dvd! Pauly has not aged well. he looks really old and he kept talking to the bouncers pointing out peopel who coudl get in to "his" area and then hiding in the corner liek he swore he was paris hilton. I mean i wanted to be like...Pauly making a cameo as a b list actor in entourage says it all.

Anyways before i knew it my feet were hurting like a bitch. After 4 hours my legs were literally shaking in my heels and i just thought, dear god can i get a seat. Right at that moment i look across the rope and i see Silvia hugging it out with some badly dressed girl and pauly shore! What the fuck. This is such a silvia thing to do. So i flag her over and im' like....um how did you get into the vip area? And she says that she snuck in, so i looked around, none of the bouncers were paying attention, i slid under the rope and voila! I was in the vip area! And they had so many seats everywhere so i plopped down on one. Turns out the girl that silvia was holding up was named Lauren and it was her birthday and she was wearing a laced blue bra as a top. Anyways pauly was feeling her up and motioned with his hands that he wanted to get her a drink and said these exact words "do you want a drinky pooo? Let's get you a drinky poo." So random. Anyways he told her to sit down and wait for him to bring back her drinky poo and she tried to sit near me but ended up falling into the lap of some dude who immediately put his arms around her and started feeling her up while he texted on his t mobile sidekick. Then i realized that this man who was sitting next to me, into whose arms lauren had fallen was none other than child star lucas haas!! Sad thing is that no one knows who lucas haas is so i can't really share it with anyone. He's the guy in the picture on the right. He was the little boy from Witness and the kid in that awful winona ryder movie Boys. Anyways he was feeling up our "friend" Lauren. And then i look up and sitting on a speaker is none other than miss Kristen Cavallari herself. She was looking at hot mess. Oh Kristen, she had a pregnancy top tank on and then had her ugly big white bra hanging out. Liek you coudl see the whole back of her bra. Dear lord why. And then i looked to the front of the VIP area and i saw John from the new real world trying to get it telling the bouncer that he was from teh real world but the bouncer was not having it and would not let him in. That was awesome. And then i saw Stephen Dorff walk into the vip area and i said "look silvia, that's stephen dorff" and she said "that guy just grabbed my ass!!" Ah what a night. The bitch who was on teh other side of me apparently didn't like that i was sitting in her space so she had the bouncer kick me out. Damnit! So at that point my feet really did want to die and thankfully we left the club. But what an LA weekend indeed!

Sorry to my one reader that I have been MIA. I am at home in LA and I finally got a decent speed of internet working, decent enough to be able to download pics and not have the computer freeze on me while trying to post this. So anyways this is way backlogged. Go back...back....way way back to the weekend of may 28th.

First off i would just like to say that this weekend was basically "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" over a three day period. Serious i did drinking, i did fine dining, i did swimming, i did a baseball game etc etc. I didn't ride on a float and i didn't go to a museum but other than that i was basically ferris. I did however manage to do more of san francisco in a 3 day period than I ever did my entire year there.

It all started with my farewell hipster party in the mission. First we hit up a senegalese bar where we had ginger and tamarind flavored drinks. Then we all headed to Beauty Bar for some late night dancing and more unnecessary drinking. I must describe beauty bar for you. It is inspired by an old 50's salon and you can get your nails done. But my favorite part is the small tiny dance floor and the gold glitter painted walls. I felt like i was in the musical hairspray. I'll let the pictures say it all.

I'm not really sure why i decided to push up my breasts. i think we were discussing my pirate/nautical themed outfit and i was pretending to be a wench. Also I think that ivan is freaked out my my breastasis.

Upon seeing my state in this picture i realize that that drink was highly unnecessary.

More drunken pics. At one point dan got so drunk that he put on my sailor hat and took off his shirt. I kindly left that picture out. We had to remind him that this was not a gay club. Keep your shirt on man!

Saturday morning we woke up bright and early and headed to napa for a day of spaing and eating ridiculous food. Oh good it was so good. I had a kobe steak and literally got euphoric while eating it. i could not stop laughing and giggling. It was crazy! I also got drunk, passed out and drunk all over again all in a 12 hour period. Deep.
speaking of deep i felt that the black and white made me look more pensive. This is out front of indian springs waiting for my mud bath appointment. Cathy and I got naked together for like 2 hours, pumiced our heals, ate orange slices and cucumber water, lounged in the outdoor buddah lounge. i see why the rich enjoy the lifestyles that they do. If i had the money i would fucking spa every week.
Vinyards. Doesn't Catherine look very prep.

Sunday i woke up with the slightest hangover and headed to the baseball game. There was som big hubbub about the homerun record being broken but really i was there for the polish sausages. It was such a beautiful day at pac bell stadium. i accidentally dropped cathy's hot dog and i felt really bad about that.
Me and the boif. I was trying to look sporty by wearing his hat.
Cathy and I went to get beers in our special 715 commemorative cups and we came back to find this scene during "take me out to the ballgame." What is this! Male bonding indeed. Also sidenote, Ivan's wearing his straight outfit. It's like you can't even tell he's a gay...amazing really.
In fact we all kind of look pretty sporty. I'm wearing north face!!

So that was the end to that whirlwind weekend. it was truly one of the greatest weekends of my life.