so the fags and hags are headed to puerto rico in just a little more than 20 days here and i am very excited! I plan on making a minimum of 3 outfit changes a day. I have a few hats, floppy straw and bucket. I also have some shorts of varying lengths, lots of dresses, 3 bikinis, big chanel sunglasses, linen pants, sandals, heels, wedges. SERIOUSLY!!!! So here are 2 pics of 2 dresses i recently bought. I'm very excited. Yellow! i've been feeling like exploring the world of yellow.
But this next one really excites me Now i knwo you are thinking "why the hell is she excited about some mexican mumu dress but here is my vision. First off it's a mini one and i have hot legs. Secondly i plan on wearing it as a bathing suit cover up for walking tt and from the beach. are you seeing my vision?? Finally, have you ever owned a mexican peasant dress? I own 2 and i wear them while i'm blowdrying my hair and lounging around my house and they are the most comfortable things ever so i suggest you buy one stat so you can see what i'm talking about.
Today i saw a girl wearing biker shorts. Seriously, what the hell is that about.
so last night cathy told me she was ordering this online I was really excited because while i actually look terrrrrrible in jumpers (i'm not sure but i imagine mainly because i look bad in strapless things) i LOVE the idea of a velour romper suit. And mainly it's because of these pictures from my mom circa 1981
click on the pictures to see them close up and note that on one trip she had the romper in 2 colors. She was 30 in these pictures. for reals! perhaps there is hope for fabulousness with age.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
today i got a locker at the library and this was seriously the highlight of my week. who am i?
there are some moments of living alonedome that are truly fantastic. one such moment is coming home from a night out wiht friends, completely trashed, and eating trader joes microwave jaipur vegetables and cous cous alone on your couch while watching sarah jessica parker on oprah, tivoed. few things can top this. one thing that possibly is better...popping in your sex and the city dvd and watching someone whose love life is more fucked up than yours.
*****BTdubbs, need to buy more sex and the city, stat.
*****Dubbs dubbs, whoever has my SAC season 3 disc 3 please give it back. it sucks to be left hanging.
so what i'm saying it, despite all of my bitching, there are moments that i would not trade.
god this week has been some great television. tragic at times, disappointing even, and yet somehow oddly hopeful, but overall leaving me feeling very strained emotionally like it all somehow applied to my life or something. Or maybe i just want my lame life to work out the way that fiction does, but really i kind of just want the soundtrack.
gilmore girls ended like for reals and the final episode ever really sucked. it felt incomplete, but worse it made me feel like i was not being respected as a viewer for all of the work i put into it. I feel sometimes like i have these fucked up relationships with my shows. I care about teh characters, i relate to them sometimes, and the shows i can't relate to i keep watching and they become like these terrible disfunctional boyfriends that i just can't let go of because i keep saying "they'll change! they'll get better!! i just have to give them time! Sweeps is coming up!" This was how i felt about studio 60 and many many others shows that i decided to purge earlier this year. But anyways so gilmore girls ended and after six (maybe seven?) fucking years of sexual tension all we get is a kiss? what the hell. That is bull shit, but i guess it's a little hopeful. I found out veronica mars got cancelled with one episode left. this is truly tragic, and i say that in a completely overly dramatic way. But really do i need another incomplete ending in my life dangling there with no closure? I still do wonder what would have happened to Angela Chase. But these shows are like artists, never respected in their time, because if they had been they would have inevitably come to produce really lame seasons like felicity season 3 and dawsons creek seasons 4 through the final episode and lost season 2 and beginning of season 3. Maybe they need to end so i can remain hopeful or longing or something.
the office ended today. so so good. the moments we (and by we i mean me and my invisible readers) discussed earlier this week happened. pam beginning to shed a little tear of hope. i shed with her. Grey's anatomy, despite being overly dramatic at times with the musing music and such, touched me quite deeply this week. All this talk about committment and choosing and being left behind really...just...ummmph.
i don't knwo if i believe in love anymore, real or fictional. i mean i kind of hope that i do but i dont' know if i do. it all seems liek my shows that get cancelled leaving me feeling like something's missing (stupid john mayer song). and i know that comparing my ideas and experiences with love to cancelled teen dramas seems trite but i am all about the analogies because my goal in life is to seek to understand and be understood and all that shit so i feel liek this analogy fits. but anyways to relate to another vagina icon i feel like i'm having a carrie bradshaw moment when i ponder, how do you get men to commit? like how do women get men to marry them and shit? it kind of boggles my mind because who wants to spend their life wiht someone that has so many flaws, male and female alike? (tv has lots of weddings that is where all this is coming from). it's one of those things that i can't make sense of. I do kind of subscribe to that whole "taxi light" timing theory because it feels alot better than saying they just didin't love you as much as the person they choose ultimately to commit to. But then again the taxi light theory takes it to a whole new level of "seriously? what the fuck! that is retarded!" which brings me back to the whole "really awesome shows cancelled before their due time" analogy.
this is a little bit off topic but there is this patty loveless song that is relaly awesome called "you don't even know who i am." Casey introduced me to it and have been hooked ever since. So it's this woman leaving her husband and the omniscient narrator is talkign about how the woman left the car and dropped off her kids and left the keys and her wedding ring where would notice it. and then she leaves a note next to the grocery list and it says
You don't even know who I am You left me a long time ago You don't even know who I am so what do you care if I go
And then her husband comes home and sees all this stuff and he starts to think about it and then he sits and ponders and finally decides to call her. And you the listener thinks that he's finally going to tell her how much he appreciated her and stuff. But no, instead he says
He left the ring on the pillow He left the clothes on the floor And he called her to say he was sorry But he couldnt remember what for So he said Ive been doing some thinking Ive been thinking that maybe youre right I go to work every morning And I come home to you every night
And you dont even know who I am You left me a long time ago You dont even know who I am So what do I care if you go You dont even know who I am So what do I care if you go So i'm not really sure what the point of that was but it's a really good song! And i come from a really good happy family so i'm not quite sure when i got so jaded and pessimistic about love. blame it on the shows and movies. And they just make peopel break up for the sake of ratings and cliffhangers so i'm not really sure why i even pay attention.
so i was reading emily's blog and she linked to some other entertainment blog, i think entertainment weekly. anyways they had a segment talking about guilty pleasures and in one they talked about tv show episodes that made them guiltily (or perhaps not so guiltily) bawl their eyes out. And we've all been there, tv watchers or not, where we are watchign something, a hallmark commercial, 2 lovers breaking up on our favorite teen drama. And something about it feels very real and as moana on the bachelor said "it rocked me to my core!" so i decided to dedicate this post to such moments in tv watching history. There are many that i have forgotten, namely scenes from Felicity, so i expect you the readers (tory) to fill in your most painful tv scenes.
ER, circa season one. A red headed woman comes in with her husband and they are so excited about having their first child and then somehow in all the mix she ends up having eclampsia and dies and Dr. Greene wants to comfort the husband but he's so sad he's just like "no no!! you said she'd be ok!" and then he slams the door on Dr. Greene. Dude i think that was the first time i bawled while watchign television.
Dawson's Creek promicide episode. Joey asks Pacey to dance and they do. He mentions her mother's bracelet and she's like "i can't believe you remember that" and he kind of leans into her and very painfully whispers "i remember everything" and the piano plays in the background and he kind of leans into her, breathes in her neck, caresses her back and oooooooh one of the few moments in television where i feel it not in my eyes but in my heart. and i always imagined that my breakups would be this romantic but they weren't. le sigh
Veronica Mars when she goes to confront Logan to tell him that he was the one that raped her and i think she's trying to figure out why he is so grossed out that he had sex with her because like every girl she's trying to figure out what's so wrong with her and hello, they used to love each other! and finally logan breaks down crying and is like "i'm your brother!!!" and sweet baby jesus again my heart felt it before my eyes did. You all need to watch this show like right now. It's the only thing on tv that can make my heart flutter but also drop into my stomach. moments, people, moments!
the Sex and the City episode when charlotte tells them all "maybe we could be each other's soul mates?" The "moonriver" episode when big leaves her the record for when she gets lonely and the plane ticket "for when i get lonely." The series finale, need i say more.
The OC season 1 finale when they are at Julie and Caleb's wedding and Ryan and Marissa dance but they know this is their last dance because he is moving back to chino and then in the background Jem is singing "maybe i'm amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe i'm afraid of the way of love you" or whatever and oooooh.
Dawson's Creek series finale when Jen is making her dying last words to her daughter and sand sarah mclauglan "angel" is playing. "i thought i would give you a little list of the things that i wish for you...i want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean because the ocean makes you dream and i insist that you, my girl be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in God. In fact i've spent alot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But i hope that you believe in God because the thing that i've come to realize is that it just doesn't matter if God exists or not. the important thing is that you believe in something." truth!!
My so called life, i could be mixing up my episodes but I think this all might have been the same one. So Angela just caught her dad was cheating on her mom and she runs home crying because i think she also made a fool of herself at a party wiht the guy she likes. And "Everybody hurts" is playing in the background and she runs to her mom and cries in her arms and it's like she's a child again but also for the first time she has sympathy for her mom cuz she knows the truth.
last 6 minutes of Six Feet Under series finale. Holy shit it's worth watch the 3 crappy seasons before it just to get to this episode.
Grey's Anatomy (yes lame but still has it's moments). The episode in season 2 when the girl and the guy have a pole stuck in them and the girl has to sacrifice herself to save the man. The whole scene of her sacrifice if very sad but i think i really broke down at the end when her fiance Danny comes into the hospital and asks Derek what she said before she died. and he says "she asked me to tell you...she wanted you to know...that if love were enough she'd still be here with you." seriously people! Seriously! and then Later Derek is in the elevator with Bailey and starts breaking down and she very calmly without looking at him pulls the alarm to stop the elevator. He cries and then she's like "are you ok" and he composes himself and she starts the elevator again. ahhh
Alias season 1 and 2, every episode. but especially the first one where danny, her fiance dies. and then anytime she goes to see vaughn and cries and he's super supportive. damn you michael vartan!!!
Felicity, everything that sally said made me cry. I think i'll watch this week and update you guys on the moments of this show
and finally a very recent scene i watched like 2 weeks ago on Gilmore Girls. This show gets so much crap from non viewers but so much love from anyone who has given it a shot. Seriousy it's REALLY good. So ok, Lorelai gets really drunk at the town's karaoke night and she wants to sing a song to her graduating daughter. So she gets up and sings "i will always love you" the dolly parton version which is suprrisingly way more awesome than the Whitney version. Anyways it's all very beautiful because it makes sense in the context of her singing to her child who is leaving home, but then...then, her ex, Luke, walks into the bar right during "bittersweet memories" and i swear to god she looks like she might falter but that bitch keeps on singing. But this time it's not for her daughter but for the love she lost, the man she will always love. it especially kills me when she sings "we both know i'm not what you need" because she cheated on him so it's true!! and i mean...ugh just watch
i'm watchign this movie "nine lives." it's pretty good. it's these 9 vignette's about 9 different women whose lives are a little fucked up and who fuck up their lives a little bit. And in the end, as with all movies that are written by latinos, they are all interconnected in some strange, unexpected way because aren't all all interconnected? anyways it got me thinking sometimes how life is just really sad. And sometimes it's directly sad and sometimes it's indirectly sad when we witness the sadness of others. And even if we are happy, seeing someone else's sadness can bring us down but also make us really appreciative of our happiness. One time orges told me "i found this book called the prophet while in prague! it's so amazing." and i said that i knew it and had read it because my mom read it to me. Anyways he quoted it to me
you're joy is your sorrow unmasked
this movie got me thinking about that. you can't have one without the other because they mutually constitute each other. Sometimes life is really awesome, and we are reminded of how wonderful it is because of the bad times we've had. And sometimes life is shit, and the shittiness becomes apparent when we compare it to the good times.
do you ever see people that you know that are sort of awkward but not to the point where it's hopeless, and you just want to give them a makeover? i just ran into my stats TA who is just such a character. He was wearing a very dreary colored pair of tapered jean that were also loose fitting. it kind of amazes me that such jeans are made let alone that people still by them. And i'm sure that the only reason levis continues to make these is because to some people this is their favorite cutot buy, mainly because thye don't know any better. I have this belief that the clothing industry should take a stance and just stop making these offenses to fashion. They should say "look old man in oklahama/unfashionable commoner/dorky grad student, we know these jeans are your favorite cut but they are a crime to fashion and thusly we shall stop making them forcing you to buy only normal bootcut jeans" or something liek that. Anyways he was wearing these jeans, some rugged useful shoes and a army green t shirt. And i imaged that with normal jeans, or even maybe some high end seven jeans, and perhaps a bitter fitting version of that t shirt from american apparel, he would have looked quite normal if not attractive. I see people like this all the time. Young girls wearing high wasted jeans and ecco old lady sandals. and i think...she has a nice body under all that stuff, all she needs are some tighter better fitting jeans, a properly fitting shirt and some cute flats or even more simply some converse all stars. it just makes me sad. This kind of just plays into my whole attitude toward life and the world. I see so much potential and htat is how i keep the constant disappointment from bringing me down.
Today i was reading mcsweeney's thinking to myself (and to emily on gchat) "i could be friends with these people." this is the same thought i have when i read go fug yourself or sandra cisneros books or john mayer's blog or other things by people i respect and kind of like. And granted it seems silly to say that things you willingly choose to read would suprisingly be likeable to you since if you are choosing to read them it is probably because they are reflecting your views. But still, i think in anohter life i could have been a writer. true story. my editor would have hated me and said "use spell check before you send this shit to me!" but still! ugh! there is a part of me (the fat, unpopular, high schooler) who thinks that i could be so much a cooler person if i just had some artistic venue for expressing myself. but most importnatly an art that people would read and say "wow that is EXACTLY how i feel" because isn't that what art is? so somehow this all led me conclude that this summer i'm going to become more cultured. I went to the public library to rent videos. Yes i live in a crazy version of the cultured world where i think videos equal culture. I guess what i meant by culture was that i'm going to become more cultured in things related to modern media...or something. So anyways i downloaded a bunch of indie music and bossa nova/jazz the other day and i'm going to listen to it while i do pretentious things like reading the new yorker. Maybe i'll even read more books.
So this is off topic but because i've been reading lots of magazines and today mcsweeney's i have decided to start a new segment called "things that i kind of really love." Perhaps this will be followed with "things that should die" on days when the spirit so moves me. so here it is in it's full glory
THING I KIND OF REALLY LOVE w/o 4/29/07 Spring - i really had no idea to invigorating glory of spring. purple, white and pink trees blooming everywhere! tulips! daffodils! like for reals! I'm not sure if spring is objectively as awesome as i think it is or if it's just that i've been cooped up for 6 months (what feels like 8 bagillion years) in the never ending midwestern winter. Whatever it may be i suggest you go outside, stare at the buds popping out from the tree outside of your house and appreccccccceate.
taking a day to organize your music/add labels/make playlists - there is nothing more cathartic than taking a few hours to compile the perfect "unrequited love mix." i mean really sometimes you feel sad and you want a soundtrack to your life to reflect these things. thus i recommend taking a few hours this weekend to create the soundtrack to your life.
Feist - along this same note i discovered some really good music while cleaning out my itunes. liek feist. she is totes awesome. you know how when you listen to some of the indie pop music out there right now there is always that girl with the sirenesque voice singing in teh background who has no name because a true artist takes no credit for their art? she is that girl. Might i recommend the "monarch" album if you are feeling a little down, and the newer album if you feel poppy.
farmer's markets - i usually criticize people who go to farmer's markets because it seems liek something a majority of people do just to be like "oh i went to the farmer's market" like that somehow makes them epicurean or takes them up a notch in the intellectual scale. No, you are still stupid even if you buy organic vegetables! But now i live in a small town about a block from the local farmer's market, and about an hour from many many farms so this shit is really fresh. And the people who go are real locals, not transposed city folks. And it is very unpretentious. last week i bought a sugar free raspberry muffin, sugar free apple butter and some apples. tomorrow i'm going to wake up early, take my reusable grocery bag and walk that long block to buy buy spring mixed baby greens and asparagus, which the foodnetwork tells me is in season.
Ina Gartner aka The barefoot contessa - what a charming, lovely woman, alwyas trying to please that insatiable jeffrey by tempting his pallet. I love this woman. I don't necessarily want to cook her food but i want to go to a dinner party that she throws. And let me tell you, this woman is the definition of hag. All of her friends are faggggulous gay men who do the tablescapes for her social events. as she would say "who doesn't love that?" Ina is like the mother i never had. She has no self control when it comes to eating things that are clealry bad for you, very un-my mother. Also she makes that horrid paula deen look like the white trash that she is.
charmin moist wipes - I have tried other brands and these are by far the best. As with all charmin products, you pay for what you get. And if you've never tries a moist wipe and you are totally grossed out that we are even having this conversation, like serioulsy TMI! i suggest you run out to your local target and make that purchase. Try it and tell me it's not the one thing that's been missing in your life.
leave comments (which i know you won't but i say it anyway) with things that you love
Yellow! i've been feeling like exploring the world of yellow.
Now i knwo you are thinking "why the hell is she excited about some mexican mumu dress but here is my vision. First off it's a mini one and i have hot legs. Secondly i plan on wearing it as a bathing suit cover up for walking tt and from the beach. are you seeing my vision?? Finally, have you ever owned a mexican peasant dress? I own 2 and i wear them while i'm blowdrying my hair and lounging around my house and they are the most comfortable things ever so i suggest you buy one stat so you can see what i'm talking about. 
