Friday morning Cathy called me up at 7:30 am and forlornly informed me "this was supposed to be the best weekend of my liiiiiiiifffeeee!!!" no really it sounded like that. Never being ones to sulk we decided to make lemons from lemonade and have what ghetto people call a "double feature." Basically it's going to the local movie theater, paying for one ticket, and seeing more than one movie. warning, this only works at very large theaters in the middle of the day when they aren't checking tickets. also this is truly shameful but i can't lie to you guys so yes, i sneak into movies sometimes! don't judge me! I figure i see enough movies throughout the year to make up for the two movies i sneak into a year. damn the man! save the empire! Anyways also logistically speaking getting a smooth double feature afternoon is quite difficult because you have to look at movie times and plan it with such great precision It's not for the faint of heart.
Ok ok tangent, so we decided to have lunch first at the most fantastic adventure ever, the highly anticipated Lee's Sangwhiches. Apparently they are some massive vietnamese sangwhich chain throughout the southwest. the owner who's name is actually "le" had to change it so that the whiteman wouldn't think it was "le sandwhich" like a french bistro. It was ethnic so i was expecting the type of establishment that has like stray dogs in the back and a letter C for cleanliness, and where no one speaks english and you have to have a translator with you. But what we got was this!!
isn't is so clean!! isn't it so nice!! i know right!! lee's sangwhiches was a most splendid experience! You walked in and it was very inviting and well lit. 
On the left side they had ice cream and other vietnamese deserts. in the center the menu had pictures and good descriptions so that it was inviting to the average american consumer. and then they had random vietnamese snacks and these nice little vanilla tapioca cakes being cooked on the right side. And oddly enough all of the workers were Mexican. That's LA for you. so check out their website, read their story, lee's sangwhiches!! Actually some of it has really oddly constructed sentences and i think adds to the authenticity. Apparently they started as lunch truckers which they referred to as "catering trucks." guys my dad has a "catering truck" too so i had to throw out some support to the Le family. I less than 3 lee's sangwhiches! EEEEmagine a delicious french roll, some nice BBQ pork, a sprig of cilantro, a few sliced raw jalapenos, and some pickled carrots and jicama. mmmmmm!! Live it, love it, lee's sangwiches.so after that most fantastic experience we headed to the movie theater to begin the movie marathon. First we saw "world trade center." ok stop, just stop before you say anything. This was kind of a filler movie because we needed a 3rd and didn't really feel like seeing "pulse." We weren't relaly expecting much from it and we didn't really get much. Poor showing, oliver stone! It was cheesy, it dragged on, nicholas cage is just...ugh. It was like the most gigantic piece of republican propaganda ever. at one point cathy and i laughed during one of the "dramatic scenes" because it was not at all dramatic but was more ridiculous than anything. Ok ok let me just give you a little SPOILER. They've been under the rubble for like a whole day now and it's all very sad, i was feeling it, but then that night as some random marine was searching the rubble he finds them and they are so happy and are like "please don't leave us!!! are you here to save us!!" and the marine is like "son, i'm a US Marine! it's my job to save you!" would you really say that to someone who has been trapped under rubbel for 14 hours? i mean do they really care that you are a marine? I know it's based on a true story and that's probably what he actually said but i would have cut that. That's all i'm saying. I will say this, when they showed the latina mother praying the rosary and weeping for her potentially lost son we both lost it and started fanning the tears from our eyes. Granted i cried on Terminator 2 when the terminator died, so it doesn't take much to make me cry. "i order you to say!! i order you to say!!" Oh edward furlong, your acting moved me!
So 3 hours later the movie finally ended and we ran to "Talladega nights" right as the previews were starting. Oh look a new Zach Braff movie! The Garden State II! yay!! Ok ok all jokes aside though i really want to see it. anyways talladega nights was AWESOME! obviously it was dumb but i rather enjoyed it. Will Ferrell is always a pleasure. There was this one scene where he's getting into a fight with a frenchy and the frenchy has him in an arm lock and tells him he has to do something and will doesn't wnat to do it because at this point it's america vs. france and his bff points at his red, white, and blue shirt and is like "Ricky bobby! these colors don't run!!" This cracked my shit up because david always says this in gest when he's pretending to be super republican and watching bill o'reilly. "These colors don't run cristina!! these colors don't run, they bleed!!!" And i laugh and laugh and laugh. Anyways it was a good time with the right person. Cathy and i were chortling up a storm in that theater.
All through talladega we were anticipating the highlight of our day...."step up!" Finally the time came and we went to the step up theater only to be stuck in a line full of 12 year olds who were dressed way better than us. bitches! apparently step up was going to be the highlight of a lot of people's days as the theater ws full. This group of like five 14 year olds sat next to us but there were only 3 seats so the all decided to share the 3 seats because apparently they couldn't sit apart from each other and they started throwing popcorn at each other and giggling and as the previews played the girls screamed and grabbed the guys arm during the "grudge II" trailer and i wnted to hurt them. also i'd like to let you know that Sarah Michelle Geller is making a come back in 2 scary movies this year! Go SMG! Anyways back ot the annoying teeanger, the 2 guys were totally trying to get on the girls so i can imagine that getting stuck sitting really close in a seat built for one was like the best thing ever to them. I just hate when girls act stupid to attract men. And the guys buy it! Fuck man being 14 was so not at all liek this for me. This might have been because i was friends with all of the ethnic rejects and my best friend was a big gay guy. High school was rough, let's leave it at that. Step up was quite fantastic as teen dance dramas go. It was like "Center stage" meets "flashdance" meets "save the last dance" meets "girls just wanna have fun" meets "boyz in the hood" meets every movie ever made! really it was such a huge mixture of genres. And the girl was hot and made me remember how jealous i am of ballerinas because they can wear layer upon layer and still look thin and also because ballet clothes is so cool! god i wish i had been a ballerina and not a fat awkward teenager. this chick in the movie had some awesome ballet clothes.
Anyways the next day cathy picked me up and we drove around the unsavery neighborhoods near my house where cathy complained about bad asian drivers while she herself was being a bad asian driver. The irony was not lost on her. Then we went to king's hawaiin bakery to pick up a cake where she claims she encountered "the craziest japanese/hawaiins i have ever seen!" They were all stepping on cathy and pushing her because they were really excited to buy paradise cake, a most delicious medley of passion fruit, kiwi and mango cake flavors.
Then we headed back to the glorious city of downey and i realized that cathy lives deep in the heart of mexico. seroiusly all the signs were in spanish and all the corner makets were mercados and carnicerias and pupuserias and all kinds of crazy shit. The "super A Mercado" prononced soooper ah mercahdo, reminded me of the Calimax in tijuana. there was this one store called "el super" which really excited me because that's my nickname, "el super mercado." get it, super market, get it! Anyways here was a fly by shot of el super.
See realy small under the target sign is "el super"! Anyways point being downey was a bit unsavery and we kept lamenting that bobby was missing out on all this suburban ghettoness.Then we got to her house, set up for the pool party/ Bring your own bowl Pho party. Well people showed up and no one BYOB'd or brough bathing suits, so in that respect the party failed. but in other respects it was quite enjoyable. we drank many of my special recipe margs. Cathy's sister Tranny tran tran tran tran tran tran tran nguyen pulled an MK in the grass and passed out on a pool chair 2 hours into the party. Sadly for the rest of us she passed out before actually making the pho so it became very evident that the whole pho aspect of the party was not gonna happen. When she finally came to 3 hours later she bitterly yelled to me "this would not have happened if bobby had been here! this was indeed unsavery!!!" Poor tranny tran tran tran tran tran tran. Anyways a few hours after that cathy's brother Long also passed out from the massive amounts of prescription pot he was smoking. two nguyens down, one to go. But cathy held it down for the family and rallied on. her cousin's brought there totally awesome karaoke machine and we did our world famous rendition of journey "don't stop believing." as we suspected it got the karaoke party started. A few drinks later we forced everyone to suffer through our rendition of "careless whisper." Backround story is that cathy listen to the "easy listening" station at work and they always play random george michael songs and sometimes she calls me and leaves messages on my phone serenading me with careless whispers and i feel touched and sometimes i do the same for her. Here is cathy feeling very eeeemotional about the whole exxxxxxperieeeenccccce.
"we could have been so good together! we could have made this last forever!! but noooooow who's gonna dance with me!! plleeeeeassse." The audience was stunned with silence. it was that good. Later that night i tried to create an interactive audience karaoke experience by singing "space oddity" and i had everyone close their eyes and eeeemagine they were floating in space alone. No one was really feeling it so i had to cut it short and decided to make up for it with "if i could turn back time." we also got very animated with full fist pumps during some old chicks rendition of "living on a prayer." I fucking love bon jovi!! (pumping fist)Anyways some annoying chick named ashley decided that she wanted to turn the only table in the yard into a beirut table. goddamn people, why the fuck do you always have to turn a good party into a sigma chi event! beirut is very exclusive, does not allow anyone but the players to interact, and in general just kind of sucks! so much anger! why!! Granted this was one of the better beirut experiences of my life because i became this guy named "wooky"'s muse and he kept dedicating all of his shots to me. Granted he kept missing all of his shots but the point was that i was a muse damnit! Cahty and i were so drunk that i think were speaking in incomprehensible sentences bascially because cathy likes to kind of mock my lisp (at least that's what i think she's doing) so she elongates her ssssss's and i do it too and we just generally sound kind of retarded mixed with the copious amounts of liquor.
Cri: Cathy put down those chicken wingsssss! If they see the thousands of chicken wings....they'll know we've been smoking the pot!!!"
snicker snicker
Cri: okok no ssseriously cathy, that is some really unsssavvery behavior.
Cathy: Crissstina i'm not really apreccccciating your judgement.
Cri: Cathy, are you gonna have sssssssexual relationsssss tonight????
snicker snicker
Cathy, i'm only posting this picture as a warning to you of what comes of the chicken wing effect. put down the fork!! No seriously though, they were some bomb chicken wings. then we busted out the paradise cake, 3 flavors of delicousness, at which point cathy proceeded to sing "almost paradise" for the rest of the night. "hey guys want some paradise cake!! almost paradise!!! hey do you think the stoners want some paradise cake! want some paradise cake, stoners!!! almost paradise!!!" that was kind of how the rest of the night was. "mom!! where's the MEATLOAF!!! ma!!!" no serioulsy, very unsssavery indeed. again i reiterate that this would not have happened had bobby been present. Bobby kind of forces cathy to act with a certain sense of decorum.
FYI the rest of the lyrics to the song, which we could not figure out at the time were
Woah, almost paradise
We're knocking on heaven's door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear that I could see forever in your eyes,
Paradise
So anyways i attemped to pass out on the couch but was woken up every hour for the rest of the night by the above mentioned stoners and other nepharious characters that were also passed out throughout cathy's house. all and all it was a good time. But bobby, we missed you like what!!
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