wow so the past month i feel like i have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown which all culminated this week when my entire cohort cried in our class because our teacher told us the work we had done (a month's worth of research) was crap and we had to start all over. Needless to say we all had crying fits of panic. but as Jerry maguire said
"breakdown...breakthrough"
so some realizations i've made
a) i had to cut out like 10 shows from my season pass manager. it was just too much. I considered cutting out tv all together but truth be told i can't. You know when you talk to peopel who are so busy but they still find time to excercise and no one judges them cuz excercise is a socially acceptable way to spend your time. well tv is like my brain excercise. or rather it's the only time my brain isn't working and that's why i need it, for my sanity.
b) i have not excercised in 2 months. It's been too cold, and i've been too stressed and so today in the spirit of accountability me and some peeps went to the gym together and you know what...i ran 1.5 miles without stopping. amazing. also i lost 10 lbs last semester and didn't even realize it. bomb!
c) i realized that in order for me to succeed in this career every free minute of my time is going ot have to be spent doing research research research. it's actually really daunting because for every question that you have there are like 50 articles you have to read before you can even tackle that question.
d) the other day i was thinking "wow i never have time to read. i feel liek such a loser cuz i dont' read anymore. am i getting dumber?" then i realized that i actually read alot, it's all i do. I read journal articles and books about race and identity and achievement and i read. what i don't do is read for pleasure. the pleasure has been completely sucked out of the act of reading.
so i mean that's about it in my epiphany section. my life shall be extremely boring and highly miserable for the next few years. i choose my choice
3 comments:
not to take away from the other epiphanies but what shows did you cut out?
i will tell you more about the google snowtrip later. it was ridic.
i feel your choice that was chosen pain. somehow, 14 hr shifts don't even seem to daunt most of the people around me. they're like having a life? whatever, i'm SAVING lives. whereas i think about all of the things i wanted for myself that are now seemingly impossible. it sucks, and to be honest, sometimes i'm not okay with it. i've been trying to think about the fact that i'm getting to do things that no one else is allowed to experience, i know things that no one outside of medicine knows, and it helps a little. but not entirely. a lot of the time, i just feel trapped.
ps, sara says...
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