giving in to grad skewl

it has happened.

i have given into the grad school stereotype. all i do is study all the time and i find that even doing that wiht the occasional time to enjoy my life is still not enough and leaves me feeling like jesse spano "time time there's never any time! no time to think! no time to study!" cuz seriously 24 hours is not enough. I consolidate by doing things like eating and watching one show at teh same time so as to not waste precious time, but time still gets lost. It gets lost while i wait for the bus to school, it gets lost walking from the far parking lot to the library at night, it gets lost showering or just doing basic normal things. I haven't washed my hair in 4 days because i don't have the 45 minutes it would take to blowdry it. i am a shell of a human being...

Over the past 3 days i have done 3 different levels of television show cutting from my life. does that sentence even make sense! i can't even write anymore. So anyways, google calendar has kind of become essential to me, and consequently i am planning my weeks in advance and seeing that reallyi don't have enough time to watch all of my shows. so i did this first cut earlier last week where i took off unimportant shows like supernanny and desperate housewives. Then i did another level where i cut out new shows like the new survivor (despite the fact thati love love love survivor). And now today i had to cut yet another level where i did shows that i love but that dont' have any sort of real cliffhangeresque type plot to keep me watching like boston legal and friday night lights and medium etc etc. and i confess to you all that i was really really upset while making these cuts. Television is my life! it is one of the only things that i intrinsically love doing and the thought of cutting down my tv consumption to 5 hours a week was so upsetting to me. i cried...over television. and during my crying fit i kept thinking "this is so ridiculous but i cannot control my feelings and eeeemotions! i love television." Imagine for all you runners out there if you found out that you could only excercise one time a week. Would you not be very very upset? or that you could only eat 1 meal a day.

other things that i am cutting from my life: celebrity blog reading. I'm gonna make cathy consolidate for me interesting things that happen on a daily basis, but perez has become too much for me.

also: chatting online for more than 30 minutes. this one is gonna hurts as gchat is my main source of communicating with friends. But it's just too much time during prime study hours.

Oprah was talking about how you have to visualize yourself being successful because it's like making an order and getting a delivery or something like that. so i'm trying to visualize my success as a psychologist but i also have to put in some effort into the whole thing. And in the end i feel that while i'm taking on a new identity and new part of life i'm losing a huge part of who i am. and i know i know it's just televisiion and celebrity gossip but it's important to me. I know this all seems very melo to you but just imagine things that make you happy, that keep you sane, that you love doing, and imagine not being able to do them. But ok, back to oprah, so i need to make school and research what i love doing so this is the first step to changing my way of thinking.

so i apologize in advance my readers as posts will most likely be sparse over the next few weeks. either that or extreme downers. but it's not because i don't love you. It's more that my life consists of waking up, eating kashi, reading, going to class, eating a wheat sangwhich, reading, going to class, eating a lean cuisine, going to the library to read, going home and watching 2 hours of tv, and waking up and doing it all over again. so as you can see there are more important, interesting things to read about. Join me on this journey of self betterment (again, is this even a word?).

ok, i'm out