So i'm in the south carolina airport, mainly because i'm too cheap to ever get myself good travel itineraries (woo for travelling across the country only to backtrack!! woo!). I really hate long flights. All the flights i've been on the last year have had hella turbulance and i wonder, has it always been this turbulant and i just didn't know or is this some type of global warming thing? anyways i usually have panic attacks and start hyperventilating into my vomit bag and whatever nice old lady happens to be sitting next to me tries not to look too concerned and the stuartess usually asks me if i'm ok when in a very breathless stressed tone i say "can i please have some water." very scary indeed. Anyways a few things of note
1. the food court has rocking chairs instead of benches all lined along the people mover. White, rocking chair, and old white people sitting in them staring at...the food court. i was on the peopel mover texting when i looked up and was like..."what the fuck?" I wish my camera battery were not dead so i could show you.
2. There was a big fat white man checking into the us airways counter and he had this gigantic plastic case, like 4 feet long. then i noticed that the check in lady was making some calls and looking at some papers that he had given her. I looked at a sign in front of him that read "please declare all firearms." I had never noticed that sign before. I thought the rules was NO FIREARMS, not declare firearms. Before this sign what did people do? did they just not declare their firearms?? Anyways i put two and two together and realized that this man was "declaring his fire arms," a gigantic shot gun. I know it was a shot gun cuz there was a picture on the box. I was like...please sweet baby jesus, don't let this big fat white man who is declaring a shot gun be getting on my plane. About an hour into my flight he brushed past me to go to the bathroom. leave your guns at home people!
3. I am sitting in front of a restaurant in the terminal called "phillips crab: pastuerized crab meat, hand picked." what exactly is pasteurized crab meat? Can you hand pick pasteurized crab meat? it sounds to me liek they are saying that it's somehow fake, but hand picked fake crab meat? i'm not really sure
My one consolation is that this airport has free wi-fi! thank you! finally! guns and internet! woo! I texted cathy to tell her of my journies through the south and she responded
"A gun?! wtf. we must roadtrip there!"
agreed, agreed. Proving once again that my stereotypes of the south are warranted. It is a very strange place where people sit on rocking chairs, eat fatening foods, carry guns, and hate black people.
1 comment:
ok first of all. the south rocks. yes we sit on the crickety old rocking chairs on our porch, pops is shining his shotgun, mom's just finished brewing up a batch of kick ass sweet tea and PeePaw (gramps) has fallen asleep whittling away what will never be the harmonica he seems so bent on making out of wood. i have told you time and time again you should road trip with me through the south so you get an accurate representation of it. and no they don't all hate black people. just the racist ones. and while there seems to be a higher percentage of racist people in the south it's actually the opposite. i've found that there ar emore closet racists up north than actual bigots in the south. the difference is that in the south, it's all out in the open cause of our past yet somehow after all that we still manage to get along. it's all bout that southern hospitality.
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