hey blog, i have not been here for a while, and it's not for the fact that my life has been goign so fantabulously that i don't feel the need for a blog. It's just that i reformatted my computer and it took me a while to remember this password.
anyways, i'm back for like a day.
guys my life for the past many months has been torn between awesome and wretched.
Awesome:
1. i have the most functional relationship i have ever had. Granted he's moving to DC in about a week but thus far it has been pretty good (and almost a year)
2. I'm going "GREEN"! i eat only grass fed beef when i do eat beef and eat free range, cage free eggs, and local produce (when i can, ie not winter), and i've officially switched the green cleaning products this week. Next year when i live alone i'm going SUPER HARDCORE! In fact, i'm going to start composting on my balcony (with worms and no meat because it attracts bugs) so that i can use my compost dirt to grow an herb garden with lots of cilantro for whne i want ot make salsa. Thinking about how and when i will compost makes me endlessly happy. I might even get my parents to do it!
Wretched
1. My bff Jen and i don't talk anymore. I can't even tell you why but i just know that it's totally awkard and we have little to no conversations anymore. This is exacerbated by the fact that she's in a serious relationship with my roommate and is here about 3 or 4 nights a week.
2. My living situation: i hate it. I feel liek i cant' talk to my friend and my roommate whom she's dating refusing to acknowledge my presence when she's not around. Imagine someone that you used to be friends with coming home and ignoring you. It's pretty awful and i relish when he's not around and wish that he would just move in with her so that i wouldn't have to deal with either of them. Awful but true. And i used to be friends with him but then he came back from france, started openly (instead of secretly) dating my friend and now i can't talk to either of them and it makes me want to sublet and move
3. my other roommate basically moved into his girlfriends house and they come home (together) occasionally to do laundry and when she's out of town at conferences he comes home and acts really sullen and upset.
so it's all like living alone except that they come home twice a week, watch basketball, invite their friends over, make a HUGE mess, and then leave for 5 days while i'm left alone to clean up after it. adn then they show up randomly to make other messes and then leave for days at a time before cleaning it up. it's awful and i hate it and i cant' wait to move.
4. I have no friends. I did not mean to become the girl with the bf with no friends who somehow i did and all my friends actuallly have bf's or gf's so they don't want to hang out with me when nick's not around and when nick's around i don't really want to hang with them. So i spend a lot fo tiem at home watching john and kate plus 8. This would be awesome if i lived alone and could watch J&K+8 all the time whenever i wanted but now it's like i do it when no one is watching with the stress and fear that at any moment men are going to walk in and kick me off the television to watch a basketball game.
5. I cant 'fit into my jeans. This is especially bothersome since i have lots of moderately expensive clothes (hello! burberry jacket!) and need to get into shape because i cannot afford buying a new wardrobe and because i hate when i'm overweight. Anyways i worked out twice this week and plan on going tomorrow. if i looked hot and was lonely and had no friends and hated my living situation i have a feeling this would all be much more bearable because at least i could shop and fill my life with materialistic things but this is all theoretical.
all of negative seems to outweight the positive and i haven't even gotten into my professional life which is in the shits, nor have i discussed the fact that the cold is sucking my will to live but basically my personal life is a hot mess, i have no friends, i hate my roommates (who used to be my core friend base), and i just want to sit around and watch tlc reality shows.
this is my cry for help to you guys i guess to make me feel less lonely and wretched
2 comments:
the light at the end of the tunnel during wretched periods is the certainty that you'll get the chance to pull yourself out of it (and nothing feels better than realizing that- seemingly all of a sudden- things are back on track). hang in there. and move. that's my only advice.
-sara
cricri I have been wondering where you've been. i can say little other than: you are awesome, hands down, and bullshit like this will fade. feeling on edge in your own living space is unacceptable and you need to get out of there pronto. also, the bin of compost and worms in my living room just erupted into cheers of support for your green lifestyle. i would buy green cleansers too if they weren't more expensive, but i hope that shopping at the co-op reduces my carbon footprint enough that i break even. in conclusion: people suck, you do not. and just for you (and because of course I'm listening to Avril) I am belting it out: keeeeeeeeeeeeep hooooolllllllllllding on
Post a Comment