I'm alive, i'm a mess

thanks for all the support guys...i've really been enjoying my spring break with no one around. Nick is here for his last week of fun with me before he moves and we have NON STOP watched television, which you can only imagine has been a dream come true. I've never let anyone watch that much tv with me. This must be love. I introduced him to dexter, which i've seen before, and now he's obsessed with it and we are on season 2 disc 3 after only 4 days of the series.

On another note, in looking at the 2009 spring fashion photos I have to say that quite a few things make me extremely happy

1. the resurgence of the platform shoe! Guys, platforms are awesome because they can be high and give you the benefit of wearing a heel without the pain since your foot doesn’t actually have to be in the arched position. They are awesome
2. bright colors mixed with brown leather. I’m LOVING all of the bright colored fabric and mixes of patterns.
3. the fact that the mini short has not died. Confession” I love mini shorts. I DO! I look really good in them and so they make me really happy

a few more things without any particular order: vests, the occasional romper, and boat shoes

things that I’m happy i did not see: espandrelles

on a more serious note as I am soon to be reaching the ripe old age of 27 I have been thinking a lot about what kind of 30 year old I want to be. Do I want to be the kind that people say “oh she looks good but she’s a bit out of shape" (aka a typical phd student). Or do I want to be the kind where people say “damn that girl has her shit together!!” I’ve decided that it has to be the latter. It cannot be any other way. And so consequently I have decided that instead of my spurts of exercise here and there it has to become a lifestyle change and I have to learn to love gyms. I am making myself a work out regime which includes running, elliptical, pilates dvd, and I’m gonna add weights soon. Basically clothes makes me endlessly happy and when I can’t dress well I get sad. I need to have the freedom to wear what I want without worrying about rolls! Also I went to the gym 3 times this last week and twice this week. and I really pushed myself with dripping sweat and ass pain and I think I felt endorphins. Like I felt good the rest of the day! Maybe I too can become addicted to “exercise”! Suggestions for you folk, I have moved away from the running mix and decided to stick exclusively to podcasts (this American life, latino use, talk of the nation, etc) and I find that this motivates me to stay on the machine far more than music does. I want to keep listening to the stories so I keep working out. I’m just saying, as a suggestion if you feel whole heartedly unmotivated. Also I forget what I’m doing when I’m really emotionally invested in a story and I get my daily dose of news. And I look forward to going because I’m like, “oh I get to listen to this American life!” I know right! Anyways I’m doing another detox during the second week of lent if anyone wants to join me from afar. No dairy, no bread, no sugar, no meat = cleanse.

Dear God, it's margaret....

hey blog, i have not been here for a while, and it's not for the fact that my life has been goign so fantabulously that i don't feel the need for a blog. It's just that i reformatted my computer and it took me a while to remember this password.

anyways, i'm back for like a day.

guys my life for the past many months has been torn between awesome and wretched.

Awesome:
1. i have the most functional relationship i have ever had. Granted he's moving to DC in about a week but thus far it has been pretty good (and almost a year)

2. I'm going "GREEN"! i eat only grass fed beef when i do eat beef and eat free range, cage free eggs, and local produce (when i can, ie not winter), and i've officially switched the green cleaning products this week. Next year when i live alone i'm going SUPER HARDCORE! In fact, i'm going to start composting on my balcony (with worms and no meat because it attracts bugs) so that i can use my compost dirt to grow an herb garden with lots of cilantro for whne i want ot make salsa. Thinking about how and when i will compost makes me endlessly happy. I might even get my parents to do it!


Wretched
1. My bff Jen and i don't talk anymore. I can't even tell you why but i just know that it's totally awkard and we have little to no conversations anymore. This is exacerbated by the fact that she's in a serious relationship with my roommate and is here about 3 or 4 nights a week.

2. My living situation: i hate it. I feel liek i cant' talk to my friend and my roommate whom she's dating refusing to acknowledge my presence when she's not around. Imagine someone that you used to be friends with coming home and ignoring you. It's pretty awful and i relish when he's not around and wish that he would just move in with her so that i wouldn't have to deal with either of them. Awful but true. And i used to be friends with him but then he came back from france, started openly (instead of secretly) dating my friend and now i can't talk to either of them and it makes me want to sublet and move

3. my other roommate basically moved into his girlfriends house and they come home (together) occasionally to do laundry and when she's out of town at conferences he comes home and acts really sullen and upset.

so it's all like living alone except that they come home twice a week, watch basketball, invite their friends over, make a HUGE mess, and then leave for 5 days while i'm left alone to clean up after it. adn then they show up randomly to make other messes and then leave for days at a time before cleaning it up. it's awful and i hate it and i cant' wait to move.

4. I have no friends. I did not mean to become the girl with the bf with no friends who somehow i did and all my friends actuallly have bf's or gf's so they don't want to hang out with me when nick's not around and when nick's around i don't really want to hang with them. So i spend a lot fo tiem at home watching john and kate plus 8. This would be awesome if i lived alone and could watch J&K+8 all the time whenever i wanted but now it's like i do it when no one is watching with the stress and fear that at any moment men are going to walk in and kick me off the television to watch a basketball game.

5. I cant 'fit into my jeans. This is especially bothersome since i have lots of moderately expensive clothes (hello! burberry jacket!) and need to get into shape because i cannot afford buying a new wardrobe and because i hate when i'm overweight. Anyways i worked out twice this week and plan on going tomorrow. if i looked hot and was lonely and had no friends and hated my living situation i have a feeling this would all be much more bearable because at least i could shop and fill my life with materialistic things but this is all theoretical.

all of negative seems to outweight the positive and i haven't even gotten into my professional life which is in the shits, nor have i discussed the fact that the cold is sucking my will to live but basically my personal life is a hot mess, i have no friends, i hate my roommates (who used to be my core friend base), and i just want to sit around and watch tlc reality shows.

this is my cry for help to you guys i guess to make me feel less lonely and wretched