the way REAL white people celebrate Independence

guys, having been an american for the last 26 years of my life i will tell you now, i had my first truly American 4th of july this weekend. There are so many little nuances about how to be a white american that i never knew about

So on Thrusday night we went to my lover's bff's annual 3rd of july bbq. It was very good times. things i learned
1. there is some game called "corn hole" where you have a block of wood with a hole in it and you throw these bean bags into the hole. I didn't actually get to play but they all seemed to love it.
2. working class white people only ever have jack daniels/whiskey or cheap beer at their parties. this is a given. i just don't understand why they can't have like vodka or liek proper mixers in their fridge. why????!!!
3. They had a bonfire. Note, white midwesterners LOVE BONFIRES. And tehy all know how to build them AND they chop their own fucking wood and they spent like half an hour talking about the best way to lay out their wood so as to get the best fire. where the fuck are we???!!! people just like went to their backyards and chopped down wood. I KNOW!! and then at one point when people were sufficiently drunk they walked miles to someone's house, dragged their christmas tree which they still had, and then decided to set that in the bonfire. That shit burned like what! it went up into a giant 12 foot flame. I couldnt' write this shit better
4. i ate baked beans, some kind of potato casserole that had layer of baked potato chips on top, and a cheese bratwurst.

Friday: Lover's BFF's family reunion on the lake
1. his friend's family has a literal log cabin on the lake that they built with their own hands. Midwesterners all build their own houses. this is something i will never understand.
2. this family happened to love spain, spanish, were all spanish teachers so they had their annual family paella cooking context followed by a bollywood sing along. yes, it makes no sense whatsoever. I guess one of the sisters of this guy was a mormon missionary in india and she brought back her love of indian film so now they have a bollywood night during their family reunion.
3. white people have "family reunions." and for these reunions peopel come from all over teh country far and wide to sleep in small quarters with each other.
4. we went down to their dock and went swimming in the lake. it was like a scene out of fucking dawson's creek.
5. we had ANOTHER bonfire. i'm telling you, they lvoe bonfires. This time they didnt' cut down wood but rather went around their property and collected random excess lumber that they had from whatever project they had worked on over the years: a new deck, a roof, a new wing to their house, etc. so we had this bonfire, ate smores, and watched fireworks over the lake.

Saturday: my lover's uncle's summer cottage on a lagoon in lake cadillac
1. there is actually a place called cadillac
2. his uncle owns a pontoon boat and so we all road on that and everyone was drunk on beer again. i was sober since i dont' drink beer
3. i ate a hot dog.
3. they peer pressured me into riding their jet ski. what is it with whhhhite people and extreme sports!!! not all of us want to die!!

example number 2 of this love of extreme sports: my lover coerced me to go on a "light bike ride" today which ended up being some crazy mountain biking expedition through the backtrails of ann arbor. what the hell!!

despite all of these little oddities i had an enjoyable truly american 4th of july.