i love helLA

so i'm back in LA and as usual my regression into high school mode continues in full force. It nearly culminated tonight when i almost went to the movies with my 16 year old cousin and her boyfriend (their names are actually Alex and Alix. And they are artists and do creative my space pictures of themselves and they started a club at their high school called the happy hippies where they make tie dyed shirts and sell them for charity. Kind of awesome me thinks but also ridiculous in a way that only members of my family can truly be). So anyways as if it wasn't bad enough to go to the movies with 16 year olds I was going to have them pick me up in their car and drive me. I contemplated just getting trashed in my dad's office and having them be my sober drivers to make the experience all the better but alas it did not happen and i spent the night chatting about "women and the bad choices that they make" with my mom and aunt.

Maybe it's that's my age is allowing me to see things in a new way but man, women make some stupid choices. And you can either live with it and as carrie once said "choose your choice" or you can spend your life being miserable. We got to talking and it came out that my mom has actually spent a lot of her life trying to live happily with the shitty choices she's made in life and in reality she kind of could be miserable because she hates her job and stuff. But in the end she lies to herself and chooses her choice and seems fairly ok with it. This is a lot like the time last summer when i realized my grandpa really was the big asshole that my grandma always said he was, and it got me seeing her POV that she was just a woman trapped in a bad situation and not the bitch i always thought her to be. Point being those are two examples of choosing your choice and not choosing your choice and being miserable.

this is all relevant because lately i've been wondeirng about grad school and considering what i would do if i dropped out. I mean, i haven't quite made a choice yet but it's pressing on my heart, this feeling like maybe this is not waht i want to do. And i can really only equate it to marriage. I mean i've never been married but i hear people talk about and sometimes it's liek you wake up one day with this guy you dont' necessarily like and you have a baby and a house payment and a car payment and a job yo u hate and it's like "oh my god is this my life!" And at that point you have to decide if you want to blaze on or just freak out and focus on all the things that your life is not. so i feel like in many ways school and my pending career have become this marriage that i cannot quite get out of. And sometimes i wake up and i'm liek "shit i could be out in ny city working at an ad agency or i could be doing ANYTHING BUT THIS!" But i have put more than 18 years into this marriage and i can't just walk away. And on a less deep level this is a lot like my relationship with grey's anatomy. But point being i used to think that having all these degrees and being "passionate" about my job would prevent me from making the same mistakes all the women in my family have made ie hating their lives. but in the end i could very well just end up repeating them.

annnyways on a lighter note I GOT BANGS!! yes, for reals bangs. But as i told cathy, if this were a chapter in the book of my life it would be entitled "the truth about bangs: what no one ever tells you." Like how when you wake up you look like a hot fucking mess. But i still like them. Speaking of catherine we attempted to be super cultured and take a "walking tour" of downtown la so that we could come to knwo the city we have spent a good majority of our lives in. We had great hopes for this walking tour which included libraries and art and shit. the reality was it ended up being filled with sangwhiches, pupusas, and being chased off by a korean women in a botanical shop for trying to open up her jar of "cat nails." The most interesting finding of the day was learning that st. Clare is the st. of television. I almost bought the st. clare medal but felt liek i cant' wear an ironic saints metal cuz THAT would be taking it too far. So in the end we threw in teh towel and thought that perhaps a trip to the mall might be a bit more appropriate. there was this realization as we roamed the streets of downtown that despite teh fact that we had been raised in LA county there is a big difference between city Angelinos and suburban angelinos. And in the end, we felt that the people from the suburbs of LA had a lto more character. I cant' quite describe why but it must have something to do with shameless commercialization or something. if anyone can think of a better way of putting it please do. Then we drove out to fullerton and i got all hipstered out with my new BANGS! we went to this dueling piano bar which was truly good times, except for the fact that the resbian piano player would not honor our $5 request for "always be my baby." yet she knew the killers. What is wrong with this picture.

so anyways my mom and i are doing the womanly bonding where she is teaching me how to cook, not for a man but rather for the sheer fact that once she dies all my grandma's recipes will die so the giant albondiga of burden lies on my shoulders.

well i think that's enough for now. Stay tuned perhaps for some pics and stories of our first annual Acosta/Hernandez family guitar hero championship....another of the many ways my cousins have attempted to occupy our time at family events.