confession time:

after the crystals of the ice storm wash away, and after the snow melts, it's just FUCKING COLD! it's cold and wet. and I'm sick or i might have meningitus or something. I don't know. My whole back hurts and i kind of have a fever but kind of not. It's that cold where it just hurts and all you want to do is get in bed because bed is the only warm place (and only after lying in it for 10 minutes to get it warmed up). God is this what peopel live in all the time!! why would you leave california!! damn education! And to top it off i have lowered myself to watchign American Idol. I hate american idol. A few years back my mom and i had a pact that we would not watch it because as she says "it promotes mediocrity and i do not promote america's love of mediocrity." she said this in response to the fact that she felt that good people got voted off while bad peopel stayed on cuz they had votes. But this year i kind of just wanted to watch the train wreck that is paula abdul. Was she on crack last night? i think so. Some guy just came in dressed as uncle sam and he sucked so paula's like, "next season he'll be dressed as in Indian cheif" and simon comes back with what i think was some kind of Indian sound like "bowwowowow" which i thought....wow that is REALLY offensive. Leave the native american's alone already, people!

you know what, let's just turn this into a good old am idol liveblog!! Obviously all the time stamps are off since i'll be fastforwarding and watching it an hour later but i feel liek they give you context so i will leave them.

9:00
OH shit some girl is coming on who refers to herself as "the hotness"! haha this is hilars. She sounds like mariah and she's kidn of got that mariah cookyness going on. I just love that she refers to herself as the "hotness" because she has a spicy personality. did you ever see that movie "cry baby"? She kind of looks like hatchetface from that movie. hatchetface was NOT the hotness. Oh my god she's having like a panting orgasm while singing. i love it!

9:06
the hotness: "pinion don't mean nuttin" (translation, you're opinion simon doesn't mean anything)
simon: "then why are you here?"
the hotness: "cuz you don't leave no stone unturned, whatchu know bout music"

what does that even mean???

9:09
the hotness has left the room!! "i was just TOO hot for him". INDEED!

9:17
this fat asian chick is singing the song from mulan. this may be one of the saddest things i have ever seen. she is so bad.

9:20
Mischa aka Darwin has like the droopiest boobs ever. her nipples are at her waste. hhha she said she picked her outfit cuz it's sexy. pan down shot: gold button down shiny shirt, frumpy skirt, black tights, orthopedic sneakers!! please let her be a good singer.

9:22
oh my god oh my god oh my god (i litrrrally just said this out loud to myself) she is singing "don't cha" by the pussycat dolls. i love this women. ha paula just looked at the camera and mouths 'oh my god." When paula thinks you are crazy that speaks volumes. oh my god sing already!!!

9:24
my dreams shattered. she sucks. damnit! i was rooting for you darwin! As many a prospective idol have done, Darwin chalks it up to nerves.

9:28
yes Ryan, tell me again for the bagilionth time how much it rains in seattle. Really? i had no idea. Oh even better, play milli vanilli "blame it on the rain." nice

9:38
Chubby woman is wearing a professional outfit with some kind of pink mesh body suit underneath. i kind of love it. I love how simon looks at all fat people who come on this show with such utter disgust. haha. oh simon, you slay me. Oh snap body suit girl is pretty decent. Ok wait now she went high and missed a note. if she were thin and hot they would totally have let her go. Simon: "what was that net she was wearing. It looked liek she'd been caught in a net."

9:47
oh a nice indian brother and sister team! their dad sings classical indian music. oh wow the sister has huge breasts. i kind of love them. please please don't suck! Wow paula just totally fucked up her name. It's shamali, not too hard. Paula's like "shayamayakali?" It's not hawaiin Paula! Oh she's good! yes i'm so happy. and she's cute. and not blonde and blue eyed!None of the red states are gonna vote for this girl. so sad. Come on indian community! rally!

9:50
why does Paula do that spread fingers seal clap. Oh the indian brother is singing now. awe i hope he's good. ooh i like his voice!!! oh yes i love indian brother and sister pair! oh my god i'm tearing up! so many eeemotions. i love multiculturalism! oh the family is so happy, it's liek the american dream, 2 kids getting onto america idol! Proving yet again that Indians are better than us at EVERYTHING.

10:14
some venezuelan dude named rudy cardenas. wait wait dont' tell me, he's going to be the "latino heartthrob" and the adjectives they use to describe him are going to be "spicy" and "hotttttt!" and "caliente." ugh.

10:15
ok wait he says he's singing Journey "open arms." this guy might be my soul mate. Simon does not look impressed but whatevs simon. it's journey.

10:31
damnit they are playing that stupid "bad day" song. ugh not another season of this song please.
10:34
realization that watching this 2 hour episode and chatting on line, and pausing and talking on teh phone. all is making this the longest episode ever.

10:35
oh my god this really wierd hobbity looking guy is singing nsync wiht the dance moves. this is like...beyond.

10:42
gay hairdresser just said "it really helps me wiht the ladiessss." he kind of acts like a drunk Ivan. "Soul patrol! Soul TWISSSSST train!"

10:50
Ok i'm throwing in the towel for the live blog. i'm too tired. i hate these 2 hour episodes.