guests are teh bomb

Tonight, my friends, i would like to introduce my guest blogger....the one and only Orges, mother fucking what!!

cristina and i are watching the season premiere of grey's anatomy, which is to say cristina is watching it and i am asking random questions about all the characters
and i wanted to have something deep to write about tonight, as i feel this is a pretty damn important event, my first guest blog entry in my best friend's blog
and i know how important blogs are to our generation
but the truth is, guys, i don't have a lot of deep things to talk about
and the reason behind this is not because i am not a deep person, or that i don't have relatively fascinating things to talk about, or that i think less than majestic things about myself
the reason i find myself short on ideas is that i'm here
I'M HERE
i'm in the presence of a friend who is most close to me, and when we are apart from each other, we have deep conversations with each other once a week or once a month or whatever, but this last couple of days, we have been together nonstop, and it has been everything you can imagine it would be
all the things we would want to talk about, all the things that can't be discussed over the phone or interwebs, they have all been approached from a different viewpoint, and from a different perspective, and frankly, from a different place, not because of anything, but because the immediacy of personal contact changes the way people talk about things with each-other
and that, my dearest friends, is the one thing i can talk about that is even remotely deep
but seriously, who cares???

what i really want to talk about with all of you is how much i miss this personal contact with all of you
i miss the daily interactions that are personal and not over the phone or IM or any other online journal or whatever
i miss the actual physical reactions that interesting conversations can have on people
and i guess the reason why this is relevant to me is that now i am unemployed, and i have very, very little tying me down to chicago, so i am virtually free to do anything or go anywhere
and i am thinking about moving back to california, or even new york!
in the words of cristina, can you eeeeemagine!!!

on a sidenote, pay it forward!!! advertisements can sometimes be genius, is all

anyway
the thing i am trying to talk about is my life, and the thing about my life that i am coming to realize, is this
in the last year, i have felt safe about my life
i have felt comfortable
i have felt as if nothing were going to change, and that my life was going to go in one direction
and that anything i wanted to do with my life, i could do it later, and i could worry about it later, but that's not true anymore!
at the risk (nay, assurance) of being a cliche, life is too short to delay things
and i have delayed things
i have put off things that i thought were important to me, and i have done so at the expense of my overall spiritual well-being, and i am only now realizing this, now that, when i think or plan on doing something there is a massive amount of uncertainty, and this uncertainty makes me realize how much i have sacrificed in the name of comfort or ease of living
how many museum exhibits or gallery openings or movies or plays or what have you have i missed because i would think to myself, man, i can catch this shit another time
truth is, you don't know that other time is coming, so my advice to you is as much a cliche as anything you will ever read
or hear
or whatever
carpe fucking diem
seize the day
do shit now!
don't procrastinate, don't put things off, don't rely on anything
i am findind myself now with free time on my hands, and it's not free time, it's just time that i always had but never put to good use
and that's not the point!
the point is that life is a fleeting, ever-changing, ridiculously dynamic experience, and that one little thing or another cannot dictate more than a finite series of events that follow it
and the real thing to take from this, for me at least, is that our notions of power and duty and responsibility and desires and everything else, all these things are basically dependent on other things which are beyond our control
and not just in the strictest sense that we cannot control them, but in the sense that we cannot control who we are and therefore cannot control how we react to some of these things
all my life i have strived to be logical and rational and in charge of everything i do, but the truth is, some things are just beyond me
and the way that i have reacted to what i have had to deal with in this last week is not exactly what i had envisioned
i have been a little paralyzed, a little frozen, a little taken aback by it all, and i don't know that i can justify that
and frankly, i don't know that i want to
it's ok, i am learning, to be completely vulnerable sometimes, and it's ok to occasionally just break down and lose it a little bit
and it's ok, also, to accept these things
and in the spirit of being who i am, it's ok to realize these things, embrace them, and then try to learn from them!
try to learn that some experiences will cripple you, and that once this happens, you need to do something, and this something need not always be constructive
as we all are different people, we move through things at different paces, and my pace, i am finding, is not what i had hoped it would be
and my feelings were hurt more than i initially let on, and my outlook on life was thrown off a little more than i imagined, and my overall attitude is still the fucking same!
my attitude has not changes

i
got
this
shit!

and that concludes our guest entry for the night
as a sidenote, the season premiere of grey's anatomy was only mildly interesting, sorry! i still love you all