So i'm officially unemployed which I gotta say is not as fun as thought it would be. I guess it more has to do with my financial status than my actual unemployment status that makes this kind of suck. Actually being unemployed without a car or a mall nearby is super sucky. What's my purpose! So in honor of my first day as a stay home something or other I decided that this morning I would watch the Today show and Regis and The View.

8:23 Today Show
Dude Matt Lauer looks hella old. I thought he used to be so cute! This short hair thing is not working for me. Also apparently now people from "Best Week Ever" come on the today show and do commentary. When did this happen! It's like world's colliding. Also this proves to me that Best Week has gotten too big.

8:25
According to the Best Week peeps Shiloh Nouvelle apparently means "New Messiah." Really? That is kind of crazy. I thought Shiloh was just gonna be some prairie white kids name.

8:38
Spelling bee winner is on. God she is really boring. The word she won with was "ursprache." Ok Anne Currie is an idiot. Let me quote you what she just asked the winner. "I noticed one thing about you, when the moment that you were uh, you were spelling the last word actually you had your hands in your pocket. Were you trying to look cool? What was that about?" This is real reporting my friends!! God i hate a majority of America.

8:47
Ok really bizarre kraft mayo commercial. Family waking up in the middle of the night for a midnight....OH WAIT IT'S A BLACK FAMILY! How cute!! and the dad has dreadlocks! I love equal opportunity commercials. The dad thinks he's alone but wait! the kids came crawling behind the counter and he doesn't see them! He's dancing and they are giggling cuz daddy is being craycray. Hold up i just realized something. The reason he's dancing and why this commercial kind of makes more sense is that he's that dude from Stomp, the tap dancer guy. So apparently now kraft mayo is giving you recipe ideas, like this neat little mini Sangwhich!

8:54
Natasha Beddingfield is going to be on the Today show next friday! I love her!! "feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, blah blah balh, no one else no one else, can speak the words on your list?" Is that the last word? "today is where you book begins, the rest is still unwritten." It's a metaphor! get it!

8:59
Well the today show is over, and there goes an hour of my day...gone. I feel dumber. God reading celeb gossip is way more empowering than this this. Fuck man, Regis and Lisa are on next. Sweet! Hmm apparently the Today show is like 3 hours long...yeah I dont' think so. Channel Change

9:00
Apparently her name is not Lisa but rather Kelly. Cuz that's such a different name than Lisa. Ugh and apparently Regis is being replaced thsi morning by Jimmy Kimmel. This is not ok.

9:03
Shut up kelly! i hate you!

9:07
Dear God she is still telling her story.

9:08
JImmy kimmel has a pic of Brangelina's baby!!! what!!! Wait this shti has not even shown up on Perez! Ok wait apparently this is just the pic of some baby of a produer, probably Gellman. Fuck you, Jimmy.

9:10
ok Regis and Kelly, I'm blowing this pop stand and switching back to Today show.

9:20
Apparently hella people are getting marreid this summer. really??? so Today feels it is their duty to tell you about cool wedding gifts in the segment titled "the perfect wedding gift." Ugh ok perfect gift 1) A silver duck/goose/bird shaped centerpiece/flower pot holder???? Yeah it's kind of as ugly as you can eemagine. Ok gift 2) hottest new gifts is stemless stemware. Does that make any sense? perfect gift 3) cute funky vespa type colored cake mixer. Ok This peeves me because honestly those kindes of mixers really are only useful to actual cooks and people who bake a lot or make pasta or shit like that. For the average woman this is just a really expensive decorative piece. LIke i hate those people who will add one of these to their gift registries in a funky color and then never use it.

9:24
Ha now they are calling the segment "unique wedding gifts." I'm sure they will be unique after every stay at home bride to be watches this show and then registers for these same things.

9:26
Ok so i just looked at my clock and the today show's clock and theirs says 9:23 and i was real confused but then i realized that i was in Tivo time. Oh that Tivo time gets me every time.

9:27
Monogrammed napkins and towels? Yes or no? I'm not sure how i feel yet. Ooh Missoni beach towels! This i do like!

Well as Orges would say...le sigh. I'm throwing in the towel for being a stay at home something or other and switching to more interesting television like Food TV.