vday massacre

oh valentimmmmes day, how you perpetually suck. I feel like this day is a constant let down. either you have no one to be with or the person you are with disppoints you by not getting you what you want, and really what can you legitimately want on a fake holiday? i hate this day, and yet i still have expectations of the men i'm with, which makes me hate the day even more. Let us take a journey through v-days past....

February 14th, 1991, 3rd grade, the infamous daniel ybarra gives me a card with an eskimo on it that says...shit i can't remember what it said. it was a knock knock joke about being cold and picking me or something. crap, i odnt know. anyways he gave these cards to everyone, so in reality i was reading a bit much into the gift, thinking it meant he literally chose me.

February 14th, 1996, 8th grade, i get 4 anonymous valentine candygrams all from my secret admirer. I think finally, this might be it, my first chance to know what it's liek to liek a boy and have a boy like me back. turns out my secret admirer was this very wierd kid, the screech of our school only not smart. I think he's gay now. yes, this was the only man who admitted openly to liking me up until i was 18, thus causing me to have major self esteem issues for most of my youth. adolescence can be so damanging!

February 14th, 2001, freshman year of college. my first boyfriend, i think finally valentines day will not suck since it is supposed to be awesome when you have someone to share it with. I spent the whole night before writing valentines with my friend and making a mixed tape (it was good too) of his favorite songs. He spends the night doing a problems set. Morning comes and the dorm has all the guys surprise the girls waking us up at 7:30 and surprising us with roses. very cute. Then all day i'm thinking "what is he planning! what is he planning!!" ends up that he tags along wiht his roommates vday plans and they take me and roommies girlfriend to indian restaurant. I don't really like indian food as it gives me heartburn, but he somehow seems to forget this fact. The owners of the restaurant are really rude and make us wake 45 minutes to be seated (even though we have reservations) and another 30 minutes at the table to actually eat. We all conclude it is because roommate is white guy dating an indian chick and owners of the fine establishment do not approve. after waiting we decide to peace out. we are all so starved at thsi point that we say fuck it, and spend vday dinner at denny's where i believe i ate a club sangwhich. gotta love that club. my first real valentines spent all dressed up at denny's with my boyfriend's roommate. disappointment? i think so

February 14th, 2002, sophomore year of college, same boyfriend...does nothing

February 14th, 2003, junior year of college, same boyfriend does nothing again...are we seeing a pattern here, i think so. disappoinment? for sure

February 14th, 2004, senior year, my bff of life, ryan comes into town and we all decide to do a junior high style vday party. Ryan and i play our first game of spin the bottle EVER since we grew up sheltered christian school kids. Ryan has his first male kissing experience, leads to him finally coming out later that year. v. exciting for us all. Turns out spin the bottle, not so cool when played with women and gay men. disappoinment....not so much, kind of fun

February 14th 2005, master's year, i'm sure i was huddled up in el centro analyzing data for my thesis. clearly i have blocked out the terrible memory from my head.

February 14th, 2006, year in SF, again i actually have a boyfriend but alas, he is busy studying for boards or doing a rotation or having a test, or any one of the other millions of things med students do. a bit of a disappoinment, yes, but understandeable, of course. I think he took me out to dinner that weekend and bought me a black onyx bracelet....or maybe that was for my birthday

and now here we are present day

February 14th, 2007, and what do i have to show for it. let's see, we are in the middle of a snow storm, my clothes and car are getting all fucked up from the salt everywhere. David did attempt to send me flowers, but alas they didn't deliver them on time. i ate a rushed meal at a quick italian place and proceeded to statify untl about 8, after which time i went for a girls night in as we drank and did our nails and gossiped about things, like how our exes all gained weight and look bad now, and how grad student's lives are really depressing and leave you with nothing to say and how we kind of secretly love and own ugg boots despite the fact that they are really ugly (mine are leather and water proof so i think that somehow makes them acceptable, but it's still bad). So again i am here, no flowers, no candies, no teddy bears, no diamonds, sleeping in the cold, to wake up early and attend another awful stats class. It kidn of just feels liek any other wednesday in michigan to be honest. Valentines day stands for everything that i hate. I hate contrived celebrations and lame excuses to give gifts that are either useless or will die in a week. and yet...the day comes and i still have expectations. why do you toy with me so, vday!????