guys i have to tell you about a new fear that is currently pervading my life! my life i say! a few months ago back in the days of SF, which oddly enough i realize now was way more than a few months ago but whatever. Point being.... dan ivan and i were tivoing 60 minutes not because we actually watch 60 minutes because we are way too shallow for real news. Instead rather i believe we were tivoing it because angelina jolie was going to be interviewed in namibia. Ok so again i digress, the first report was this really dramatic woman travelling through the midwest talking to people who had gotten ecoli from eating bag lettuce. apparently bag lettuce is like a really bad thing and you could die. but the best part, and we rewound it a couple of times because it was so enjoyable, was the part when the woman shows a bag of lettuce and it zooms in and very dramatically pauses as the woman informed us that "you don't know what lurks in your BAG LETTUCE!!!" and it was funny and i didn't think too much about it nor did i heed her warning.
well let's zoom forward to the present where i was the purchaser of said bag of lettuce last week at the super market. well anyways i ate that bag lettuce and there was still a bit left. But yesterday ozan, josh, drew, and i went to meijer which is like a whole different entry in and of itself (one stop shopping! it's like the poor man's walmart. i know right, you didn't think you could get poorer than walmart, but turns out you can). So i was noticing my basket compared to the boys basket of food. mine had things like soy milk, kashi cereal, fruit, cold cuts, meats, canned veggies. Ozan and josh on the other hand had hungry man frozen dinners, lots of pasta for making casseroles (their new big thing), cream of various disgusting things soup, and stove top stuffing among other things. So i asked drew about the kinds of food that he ate since i figured drew is a much more functional human being than the boys are. he listed of various healthy meals etc etc and then he got on the topic of bag spinach and we started talking about how bag spinach is bad and tainted and then i started thinking about my bag lettuce back home and how i really DIDN'T know what might be lurking in my bag lettuce. anyways this morning i decided to wake up and cook my meals for the week and consequently i came across that very same bag of lettuce from last week and i meant to use it to dress my sangwhich but in the end i stuck my hand in it and got the fear.
WHAT WAS LURKING IN MY BAG LETTUCE!! could it be ecoli...or maybe....or maybe the plague...or maybe cher in a bob mackey outfit singing "if i could turn back time"! ok wait that last one would be AWESOME. But seriously guys maybe it was just lettuce. i didnt' want to risk it so i threw it away. so i write this warning to you all, beware of your bag lettuce. for the love of god people just buy the head of lettuce or the bushel of spinach and wash that shit yourself! it could save your life for reals.
2 comments:
ok yes, but really, the spinach out of the bag goes bad so fast. there isn't that much of a difference between out of bag and in bag on a normal occasion, just that this one time it's kind of, um, tainted with e coli.
incidentally i thought that with e coli, your life sucked for like a week, and then you were better, provided you were not an old or young or sick person, but turns out it can give you permanent kidney damage! who knew!
cathy i'm saving your life!!!
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