tablescapes etc etc

So i wrote them while i was stuck at the airport yesterday morning with no internet and only myself to entertain me.

AT AIRPORT
so I'm sitting here at LAX at 7:15 am waiting for my flight to San Francisco and I keep asking myself one key question. How the fuck has LAX not jumped on the free wireless bandwagon?! We are freakin LA! Even oakland has free wireless. Oakland!! And yet here i am ranting on a Notebook file so that later i can remember the rage i felt. These are the kind of moments where I really start to realize that despite my love of LA as a "state of mind" as a place sometimes it sucks. Like when we went to city walk to see "Superman" and everyone was obese and loud and obnoxious and I had a panic attack and Ivan was disgusted and said "wow LA has changed since i left! Everyone got fat!" Ok ok wait!! have i spoken too soon. I just checked my available wireless networks and there is one calle "LAX_wireless." could this be??? getting IP address, getting IP adress...nope it failed. Limited to no connectivity. Eh what would i really do online right now anyways. i'd probably just see if Perez Hilton had updated and then i'd read pink is the New blog, and then the superficial and then Go Fug. And then i would have utterly waisted 30 minutes of my life. Ok let's try one last time. Ok no dice. This is me retroactively signing off from LAX, shittiest airport

ON PLANE
oh what a surprise!! So David bought me a ticket on Frontier airlines which i initally thought was ghetto since it's one of those strange midwestern airlines like "sun country." But little did i know that Frontier jumped on the whole Direct TV bandwagon!

So i'm sitting here watching Food Network. Now those who know me know I am a Food Network Purist and that I hate the so called "chef" Sandra lee from "Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee." I mean you guys know i hate Rachael Ray too but thtat's a whole different story. Anyways i'm quite shocked to admit that today Sandra is actually making something that look appealing. The plot is that she's planning a surprise birthday party for her brother in law, Lee. he married her sister Kimber, and they were High shcool BFF's. Why does it not surprise me that she'd have a sister named Kimber. Ugh one of those names that i hate. Anyways Lee loves healthy food so she made him this chocolate cake with cake mix, and instead of oil she used zuchini and apple sauce. Zucchini! EEEEmagine! And then she shocked me again when she was making a "healthful moose" and she used Silken Tofu. This truly was Sandra Lee's finest hour. Ok confession, i do kind of love watching her despite the fact that her food always looks disgusting because she is a little cooky and definitely an alcholic. She talks the whole show about cocktail hour and how "you and your guests can have cocktail hour all night!" You gotta respect the alcoholic who has no shame. Anyways i kind of also love how she makes what she calls "table scapes." For those who have never had the pleasure of watching this so called cooked show her motto is "70% store bought pre-maid, and 30% fresh ingredients!" And as part of her show she makes tacky table settings she calls "table scapes." it always looks like Joanna's Fabrics vomitted in her living room. Whenever i watch her i always imagine that Martha stewart would flip out in a Joan Crawford kind of way with a whole "no canned food!!!" kind of way. Oh Sandra Lee, I salute you today.

Oh god Rachael Ray is on. Ugh how i loathe Rachael Ray. I know Orges thinks she's "hot" but I just can't stand her face and her wierd Limited Too type outfits, but she's just so painfully akward when she laughs at her own jokes that i just can't pull myself away from watching her. Doesn't she strike you as the kind of person who is always asked to be a bridesmaid and she always gets stuck wearing some really unflattering dress and she does that akward laugh thing when she says "shuck shuck, always a bridesmaid never a bride."

Ooh Giada is next. I love giada! She is so painfully attractive. do you know what i mean? it's like her hair is always done really strangely so that it does not flatter her hairline, and then her face is like natalie portman only wack. know what i mean? How does one explain giada's face. I think it might mainly be her hairline. so unfortunate. Damn i probalby won't be on the plain when giada starts. Ooh commercial for a new show that is like project runway only with interior designers. I like that idea. oh beginning descent g2g!!

**Update - apparently rachael ray is married! who knew! check out her wedding dress. how very rachael ray