PART IV - VIENNA & AUSTRIAN COUNTRYSIDE

ok now we are driving to vienna through austria and i am seeing the north face of the alps through which the von trapps travelled and i guess i can see how they made it to switzerland. i don't know, i need to see it again. I mean the mountians over here are not as huge, it's the ones that are shared with italy that are massive. this is not to say that climbing these alps would not have been a pretty crazy endeavor. so anyways i'm sick with a head cold which sucks. yesterday we were in venice which was like a bagillion degrees hot. serioulsy it was 100 degrees with humidity and i almost started crying from a general feeling of wretchedness. I did shop however because that is what i do, it gives me sustenance. i bought murano glass jewlery. i had forgotten how rude the italians are. i mean don't get me wrong, italy is the bomb, but goddamn those people are so rude. ok gotta return to the scenery.

note the time stamps stopped. at this point i had no idea what time it was or what day it was. we hit vienna that evening. she won't admit it but my mom had this idea of strauss and mozart being blasted through the public streets at all times of day. It was not this way.

sitting in a hotel in vienna and watchin tv as i wait for our luggage to get here. holy crap they import some crappy television to other countries. for instance the shows they choose to dub are "sabrina the teenage witch," "yes dear," oh god "charmed"!! interestingly enough though i didn't realize that charmed was set in SF. how random. Lois and Clark the new adventures are also dubbed which definitely was not crap in the 90's but is definite crap in the 2000's. I have one question to answer by the end of all of this. What is schnitzel? someone told me once but i can't remember. is it german for food?. ahhh they get baywatch too! ok baywatch is quality. i love you mitch buchanon! onto more deep topics though. serioulsy we have been in europe for 4 or 5 days. honest to god i have no idea. i have been without internet and cell phone for what seems like ages. i am serioulsy in a non metaphorical way thinking "what is this? where am i?" I feel like i am literally lost in time. 9 hour time difference is fucking with my head. looks like it's gonna be hot as a bitch here in vienna too. fuck! goddamn i tell you this, hear ye hear ye, do not travel in europe in july. i know this is pretty standard advice that people give you but i am reiterating this to you, it's so fucking hot! it's like being on a cruise in the carribbean only at least then you are constantly jumping in and out of the water and drinkin coco locos. ok i'm going to dinner in the vienna woods right now. peace out bitches. vienna woods!! who am i!

here is the local statue of strauss. he looks rather...what's the word, oh yes, GAY!
"hey guys!"
this was some palace. austia speaks german which i cannot decipher either written or spoken. it's really crazy sounding. i saw so many castles and semi cool thigns when i was there but i can't tell you what they were called because i have no idea.
here was another castle. my hair was OOC. the blowdyers didn't have proper voltage to tame my mane, and again i reiterate that it was too hot to blow dry.
this was in the viennese national opera house. this was the most inetersting part of the opera house. it kind of sucked.
then we went to dinner in teh viennese woods and they had two guys walking around playing the blue danube and aidelwies over and over again. ok we get it, you guys like strauss. i wonder how actual viennese people feel about "the blue danube"?

for the most part vienna was kind of underwhelming. but it did have a really awsome history. did you know that marie antoinette was an austrian princess and a member of the hapsburg dynasty? do you know what the hapsburg dynasty is? wiki that shit! it's really quite interesting.

ok so we are now leaving vienna. it was really a whirlwind. i could definitely eeemagine that as a city vienna is very cool to spend a long time in and drink coffee and eat pastries and shit. but on a cheesy tour it was such kitsche crap. kitsche because the other tourists didn't realize how crappy it was. i heard the blue danbube fucking 15 times while in vienna. all the restaurants cater to the tourists and have men with violins playing strauss songs and when they play the blue danube all the tourists go crazy and i wanted to smack them all with my belt of judgement. it's like when you go to a cheesy mexican restraurant and they have a super cheesy mariachi playing "guantanamera" which isn't even a mexican song it's cuban, and all the tourists are like "ahhh sooo fun!!" because they don't know the difference. that was my experience with vienna. it's not viennas fault, it's the tourists. and i gotta say i really hate tourists. they also played adelwies alot but that's ok because i love all things SOM. we went to this museum called the belvedere and saw their klimt collection which included "the kiss." it was the bomb. they also had some PBR, pre raphaelite brotherhood, HOLLER! you can't get PBR in america, they only have it in europe so that was pretty cool. also fun fact, vienna isn't actually caled vienna, it's called wien. why do we call it vienna ? i have no idea. now we are on our way to prague which is apparently not actually called prague but rather praha. it's like if everyone in the world called los angeles "lasgles" and you were like "why the hell do you call los angeles 'lasgles'?' but we call wien vienna and praha prague instead of just calling them by their names. dumb. ok i'm cranky and kitsched out. i hate tourists!