TV finales, musings

god this week has been some great television. tragic at times, disappointing even, and yet somehow oddly hopeful, but overall leaving me feeling very strained emotionally like it all somehow applied to my life or something. Or maybe i just want my lame life to work out the way that fiction does, but really i kind of just want the soundtrack.

gilmore girls ended like for reals and the final episode ever really sucked. it felt incomplete, but worse it made me feel like i was not being respected as a viewer for all of the work i put into it. I feel sometimes like i have these fucked up relationships with my shows. I care about teh characters, i relate to them sometimes, and the shows i can't relate to i keep watching and they become like these terrible disfunctional boyfriends that i just can't let go of because i keep saying "they'll change! they'll get better!! i just have to give them time! Sweeps is coming up!" This was how i felt about studio 60 and many many others shows that i decided to purge earlier this year. But anyways so gilmore girls ended and after six (maybe seven?) fucking years of sexual tension all we get is a kiss? what the hell. That is bull shit, but i guess it's a little hopeful. I found out veronica mars got cancelled with one episode left. this is truly tragic, and i say that in a completely overly dramatic way. But really do i need another incomplete ending in my life dangling there with no closure? I still do wonder what would have happened to Angela Chase. But these shows are like artists, never respected in their time, because if they had been they would have inevitably come to produce really lame seasons like felicity season 3 and dawsons creek seasons 4 through the final episode and lost season 2 and beginning of season 3. Maybe they need to end so i can remain hopeful or longing or something.

the office ended today. so so good. the moments we (and by we i mean me and my invisible readers) discussed earlier this week happened. pam beginning to shed a little tear of hope. i shed with her. Grey's anatomy, despite being overly dramatic at times with the musing music and such, touched me quite deeply this week. All this talk about committment and choosing and being left behind really...just...ummmph.

i don't knwo if i believe in love anymore, real or fictional. i mean i kind of hope that i do but i dont' know if i do. it all seems liek my shows that get cancelled leaving me feeling like something's missing (stupid john mayer song). and i know that comparing my ideas and experiences with love to cancelled teen dramas seems trite but i am all about the analogies because my goal in life is to seek to understand and be understood and all that shit so i feel liek this analogy fits. but anyways to relate to another vagina icon i feel like i'm having a carrie bradshaw moment when i ponder, how do you get men to commit? like how do women get men to marry them and shit? it kind of boggles my mind because who wants to spend their life wiht someone that has so many flaws, male and female alike? (tv has lots of weddings that is where all this is coming from). it's one of those things that i can't make sense of. I do kind of subscribe to that whole "taxi light" timing theory because it feels alot better than saying they just didin't love you as much as the person they choose ultimately to commit to. But then again the taxi light theory takes it to a whole new level of "seriously? what the fuck! that is retarded!" which brings me back to the whole "really awesome shows cancelled before their due time" analogy.

this is a little bit off topic but there is this patty loveless song that is relaly awesome called "you don't even know who i am." Casey introduced me to it and have been hooked ever since. So it's this woman leaving her husband and the omniscient narrator is talkign about how the woman left the car and dropped off her kids and left the keys and her wedding ring where would notice it. and then she leaves a note next to the grocery list and it says

You don't even know who I am
You left me a long time ago
You don't even know who I am
so what do you care if I go

And then her husband comes home and sees all this stuff and he starts to think about it and then he sits and ponders and finally decides to call her. And you the listener thinks that he's finally going to tell her how much he appreciated her and stuff. But no, instead he says

He left the ring on the pillow
He left the clothes on the floor
And he called her to say he was sorry
But he couldnt remember what for
So he said Ive been doing some thinking
Ive been thinking that maybe youre right
I go to work every morning
And I come home to you every night

And you dont even know who I am
You left me a long time ago
You dont even know who I am
So what do I care if you go
You dont even know who I am
So what do I care if you go

So i'm not really sure what the point of that was but it's a really good song! And i come from a really good happy family so i'm not quite sure when i got so jaded and pessimistic about love. blame it on the shows and movies. And they just make peopel break up for the sake of ratings and cliffhangers so i'm not really sure why i even pay attention.

guilty pleasures: i get so eeeeeemotional baby

so i was reading emily's blog and she linked to some other entertainment blog, i think entertainment weekly. anyways they had a segment talking about guilty pleasures and in one they talked about tv show episodes that made them guiltily (or perhaps not so guiltily) bawl their eyes out. And we've all been there, tv watchers or not, where we are watchign something, a hallmark commercial, 2 lovers breaking up on our favorite teen drama. And something about it feels very real and as moana on the bachelor said "it rocked me to my core!" so i decided to dedicate this post to such moments in tv watching history. There are many that i have forgotten, namely scenes from Felicity, so i expect you the readers (tory) to fill in your most painful tv scenes.

ER, circa season one. A red headed woman comes in with her husband and they are so excited about having their first child and then somehow in all the mix she ends up having eclampsia and dies and Dr. Greene wants to comfort the husband but he's so sad he's just like "no no!! you said she'd be ok!" and then he slams the door on Dr. Greene. Dude i think that was the first time i bawled while watchign television.

Dawson's Creek promicide episode. Joey asks Pacey to dance and they do. He mentions her mother's bracelet and she's like "i can't believe you remember that" and he kind of leans into her and very painfully whispers "i remember everything" and the piano plays in the background and he kind of leans into her, breathes in her neck, caresses her back and oooooooh one of the few moments in television where i feel it not in my eyes but in my heart. and i always imagined that my breakups would be this romantic but they weren't. le sigh

Veronica Mars when she goes to confront Logan to tell him that he was the one that raped her and i think she's trying to figure out why he is so grossed out that he had sex with her because like every girl she's trying to figure out what's so wrong with her and hello, they used to love each other! and finally logan breaks down crying and is like "i'm your brother!!!" and sweet baby jesus again my heart felt it before my eyes did. You all need to watch this show like right now. It's the only thing on tv that can make my heart flutter but also drop into my stomach. moments, people, moments!

the Sex and the City episode when charlotte tells them all "maybe we could be each other's soul mates?" The "moonriver" episode when big leaves her the record for when she gets lonely and the plane ticket "for when i get lonely." The series finale, need i say more.

The OC season 1 finale when they are at Julie and Caleb's wedding and Ryan and Marissa dance but they know this is their last dance because he is moving back to chino and then in the background Jem is singing "maybe i'm amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe i'm afraid of the way of love you" or whatever and oooooh.

Dawson's Creek series finale when Jen is making her dying last words to her daughter and sand sarah mclauglan "angel" is playing. "i thought i would give you a little list of the things that i wish for you...i want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean because the ocean makes you dream and i insist that you, my girl be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in God. In fact i've spent alot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But i hope that you believe in God because the thing that i've come to realize is that it just doesn't matter if God exists or not. the important thing is that you believe in something." truth!!

My so called life, i could be mixing up my episodes but I think this all might have been the same one. So Angela just caught her dad was cheating on her mom and she runs home crying because i think she also made a fool of herself at a party wiht the guy she likes. And "Everybody hurts" is playing in the background and she runs to her mom and cries in her arms and it's like she's a child again but also for the first time she has sympathy for her mom cuz she knows the truth.

last 6 minutes of Six Feet Under series finale. Holy shit it's worth watch the 3 crappy seasons before it just to get to this episode.

Grey's Anatomy (yes lame but still has it's moments). The episode in season 2 when the girl and the guy have a pole stuck in them and the girl has to sacrifice herself to save the man. The whole scene of her sacrifice if very sad but i think i really broke down at the end when her fiance Danny comes into the hospital and asks Derek what she said before she died. and he says "she asked me to tell you...she wanted you to know...that if love were enough she'd still be here with you." seriously people! Seriously! and then Later Derek is in the elevator with Bailey and starts breaking down and she very calmly without looking at him pulls the alarm to stop the elevator. He cries and then she's like "are you ok" and he composes himself and she starts the elevator again. ahhh

Alias season 1 and 2, every episode. but especially the first one where danny, her fiance dies. and then anytime she goes to see vaughn and cries and he's super supportive. damn you michael vartan!!!

Felicity, everything that sally said made me cry. I think i'll watch this week and update you guys on the moments of this show

and finally a very recent scene i watched like 2 weeks ago on Gilmore Girls. This show gets so much crap from non viewers but so much love from anyone who has given it a shot. Seriousy it's REALLY good. So ok, Lorelai gets really drunk at the town's karaoke night and she wants to sing a song to her graduating daughter. So she gets up and sings "i will always love you" the dolly parton version which is suprrisingly way more awesome than the Whitney version. Anyways it's all very beautiful because it makes sense in the context of her singing to her child who is leaving home, but then...then, her ex, Luke, walks into the bar right during "bittersweet memories" and i swear to god she looks like she might falter but that bitch keeps on singing. But this time it's not for her daughter but for the love she lost, the man she will always love. it especially kills me when she sings "we both know i'm not what you need" because she cheated on him so it's true!! and i mean...ugh just watch

Why I don't watch 24

Email from Toto today.

"You know what pisses me off? When people are obsessed with shows like 24, or Alias, or Grey's, or what have you, and they flip shit if you talk during the show and act like their entire week has been building up to that one hour of television, and then they act like a show like The Hills or some such is so beneath them and such a waste of time. Like hello at least I'm only watching tv because I want something to do during my half hour knitting session instead of just staring at the wall, not because I actually think the show is of good quality. You are the one with terrible taste, not me. Unfortunately I can't read Christopher Hitchens whilst knitting, or else yes, I'ddo that over watching LC agonize over Brody. Inevitably these people will leave the room during a show like the Hills citing "not being able to take it anymore," "wanting to do something productive with [my] time," or after saying something like "I can't believe you watch this." At least I know when my entertainment is entertainment and when it's quality fare. hate!"

I took this opportunity as a jumping point to discuss my feelings about 24 and fare weather tv watchers, namely 24 fans. I admit i have never watched 24 and i refuse to watch it. It's not that i think the show is bad or poorly made. on the contrary i'm sure it is a fantastic show with lots of excitement and suspense and i am almost positive that i would love it and become addicted and watch the whole series in a 5 day period. My main problem wiht shows like 24 and shows that have a very big following are that these are generally not people who watch a lot of tv. Yet people who watch things like 24 assume that because they watch one good show that gives them carte blanche to have opinions on everything that's on tv. Let me explain it in different terms. It's like the movie shawshank. It's a really good movie! But people who see it and never watch good movies suddenly think they are avid film watcher. Or another example, the movie "run lola run." Again an excellent film but peopel who watch it think that it suddenly gives them foreign film cred. One film does not a genre make! To those people i ask, "do you watch 35 hours of television a week? do you!! oh no, ok then shut up about how 24 is the BEST SHOW EVER because really what the fuck do you have to compare it with in your grand arsenal of 3 shows you watch! tell me, what! so don't come and tell me that The Hills is stupid and you only watch good tv. You watch 1 show! 1 show!! In what world does this make you an expert on what is good and what is bad!" now i'm not saying that i know what is good or bad, but i'm saying i feel like i have watched enough television in my life to have comparisons to be able to have some sort of expert cred on these types of topics. So will i ever watch 24? i'd like to be able to say that out of principle i wont', but let's be honest, i have no principles so i most likely will end up watching it at some point in my life.

But let's just talk about waht the purpose of television is. It is there for entertaiment value, but we can also learn from it in very indirect ways. Sometimes it acts as a mirror to show us who we are and make us realize our faults, and sometimes it acts as a peep hole into a world that we know nothing about. In the end though, are we not always learnign something whether it be from learning about other countries from anthony bourdain or how to put in a cathetar from meredith gray or learning how the world of the inside elite works on the hillls. So ye who deigns to watch but one hour of "good television" a week, how dare you criticize my and others' choices!

As tory put it,
"enjoy it but cut out the attitude please. If you really needed to 'do something better with your time' you would go read Joyce"

On another note, does anyone out there watch "men in trees" or "what about brian." These shows are both kind of boring and yet, i can't wait to watch them every week. i think they have slowly crept upt to become the most enjoyable 2 hours i have. Perhaps it's that everyone is pretty and well dressed. Or perhaps it's that there is no real drama, no cliffhangers, no shafts, no bombs, no dark man in the shadows to be revealed next season. These are shows about relationships and love and finding happiness alone or with someone. Isn't that what being human is about? I mean, in the end it's just straight up simple tv like felicity and thirtysomething and my so called life, only obviously not as good. but what i'm saying is...i have no one to share my kind of sort of love for these shows. Is anyone out there watching these? have you kind of gotten over the fact that Brian used to be on 7th heaven or that anne heche used to be crazy and a lesbian? because i have. Oh tv kindred spirit, wherefore art thou??