sorry i haven't posted in a while. Life has kind of been stressful and sucky. Key friendships fell apart, were put back together, and then fell apart again only to be put back together once more. This emotional roller coaster was exacerbated by a junior high style web of lies where i told someone a secret who told someone a secret who told someone a secret who told someone else a secret, who happened to be the person the initial secret was about.

Lessons i have learned this summer:
1. I do NOT enjoy keeping people's secrets. AS much as i love a good chisme session next time i here the phrase "ok you CANNOT tell anyone this" i am going to say "stop! i don't want to know!"
2. i need to have multiple friend groups/worlds so that i can have places to escape.
3. I need to remember NOT to mix my worlds otherwise there is no escape.
4. Friends should not date other friends in your circle because it complicates things and adds to the aforementioned "web of lies." Which concludes with the realization that as much as my high school fantasy was for my best friend to fall in love with me, this really does not work in real life, and thus i am growing up and getting over my Pacey/Dawson/Joey love fest.

On another note, barack obama has stolen my boyfriend. And on yet one last note, my life has revolved around books, articles, and a windowless office for 6 hours a day. I have all this shit to do before sept 15th so i can reach candidacy so that i can dissertate and get my phd 3 years from now. My friend Hugo just defended his disseration yesterday and afterwards it left me wondering, "is that all there is to grad school?"

The only real outfit i put together last week. Otherwise i dressed like a slob for the most part

Shirt = converse for target, cut offs = citizens self made, belt = banana republic, green polka dot flats = coach, earings = mom's hometown in Mexico.

monthly mixed tape party tonight with the theme "boogie nights." Yesterday i managed to procure a totally amazing zip up, short sleeve, denim full body suit. Can you guys even handle that?? can i even handle that???? will post hopefully tomorrow if not too hung over.

Michael Phelps...have 10,000 of my babies

guys i am OBSESSED with this guy.

yes it's true, i am just like every other American right now but blaze. and it's ok because Nick is also obsessed with him so we can actually bond about our common obsession. He likes to retell a story about how he drank at a bar with Michael Phelps, since he was a student here at U of M. The truth story is that Michael Phelps was at a bar at the same time as Nick and they drank....at the bar....across from each other. but when he retells it you swear that they were bff or something.

anyways the olympics are ruining my life. I am not functioning properly. I have been averaging about 6 hours of HD surround sound Olympic action a day and it's driving me crazy. And i can't tivo it because the quality is so bad and once you have seen it in HD you can't go back. I saw the fucking particles of chalk dust during the gymnastic competition. SERIOUSLY!! Anyways i have terrible headaches from all the high definition awesomeness and knots in my back from the tension i feel as i watch the girls do the parallel uneven bars and my voice is almost gone from screaming last night during the 400m relays! seriously! are you guys watching this shit!! thank god i don't have a real job otherwise my 4 hour morning olympic watching session would be cut.

One last one for the road. MP, I ruv you.

cleaning and where i live

Guys i normally don't talk about meals i cook because a) i don't consider myself a great cook worth noting and b) my meals tend to be extremely utilitarian and uninteresting. But today i have to talk about what i made because IT WAS BOMB! I've been missing my parents a lot lately because i know that i won't see them for another few months and i've just generally been missing home and my family so i was craving something that felt like home. Now this next sentence is going to have so many douche elements that you will just have to hold your breath...are you ready.

So i was riding my bike back from Nick's place this morning and on my way home i decided to stop by the farmer's market. Sara you would die because i live a block away from the local farmers market that happens twice a week...I know. So i stopped by and grabbed a few things and then i went into my local grocer (i am a member of a food co-op. I KNOW!! i hate me too) and purchased some amish grown jalapenos. And then i chatted it up with my butcher and got convinced to buy a chicken sausage.

So i sauteed some potatoes and shallots, and then cooked up my chicken herb sasuage (cased in real intestine!), then i roasted some tomatoes and jalapenos and whipped up a salsa and put it on top of a fried egg. it was amzingly delicious with a bit of avocado.
but onto my butcher, because i have one. Gguys i kind of secretly but not so secretly love where i live! it's like a foodie's paradise. I live in kerrytown, the old historic district, where there are still brick streets and old houses and locally owned shops. And there is a coop that like i said i'm a member of which is where i get most of my bulk grains and things. why just the other day i made my own rice, lentil, tvp, mung bean blend. But then there is sparrows which is this small BiRite type shop (but swears less) where they sell normal stuff but also rare things like swiss yogurt and ALL GRASS FED MEATS and hand made sausages and locally grown shit and rare things liek vanilla beans and stuff. And then another block away from there is Zingerman's Deli which makes it's own bread and cheese and sells rarities like grey sea salt. And all in this 3 block radius is where they have the local farmer's market and people ride their bikes from all over town and buy shit and they bring dogs and children wearing crocs and everyone has their own canvas bags from the various organizations they are members of. And then there is my house, and a short walk from there is a river where you can kayak. and it's just like, I DONT' KNOW WHERE I AM BUT I FUCKING LOVE IT.

I love living in a small town and seeing parents carrying icee eating children (an old lady sells icees for 1$ at the farmer's market on weekends along with eggs and flower bouquets from her garden) on their shoulders! I love talking to my butcher and saying, "when are you getting that potato sausage" and he says "i'll make some special for you tomorrow morning." I love that i can take in my bottles and get money for them instead of just recyling them. And it's not just eco minded peopel that do this. EVERYONE does this. so you see white trash looking people with their 24 packs of keystone getting their deposits back. I love this shit! And for some reason the fact that it's located in the midwest makes it waaaay less douchey then when you see shit like this happen in california. It's like more real and organic, like people are doing it because they care not because they are trying to be smug and hip and better than you. It's like this is the way they have been doing things around here forever. I love seeing the old lady who sells catnip on saturdays!! no one buys but she blazes. and today the cutest thing ever...an old lady selling t-shirts and canvas bags that she had bedazzled herself with rhinestones reading "OBAMA 08" selling them at the FM. Like seriously how can you not love this shit!

So anyways i cleaned today, jen came over, and we watched lots of tv and did laundry together. Then Nick came over for lunch and was like "don't take this the wrong way but your bathroom looks OCD clean...like you just moved in and no one lives here." here is a pic. Note i was washing the rugs so it looks more empty than usual. But like i didn't even clean the baseboards today so it was technically not as clean as i would have likeds
he said it was weird that we had nothing but hand soap on our counter tops. The truth is i think that having shit on your counter is kind of gross. My bathroom has lots of storage and it's the main bathroom that guests use and i don't feel like my guests need to see my netty pot and tooth paste. Back me up Casey! I mean having clumps of hair everywhere and rust stains on your sink and brown stains in your toilet and mold in your shower DOES not make your bathroom look lived in. It makes it look dirty like you don't ever clean. What he didn't know was that i also regularly soak our trashcans and recycling containers with bleach water. That part i acknowledge is a bit excessive.

anyways i also cleaned my kitchen. I still think it's a bit cluttered but i did my best.


i know, it has absolutely no personality. thus is my life.

pictures of where i live
where the farmer's market happens

For Ester

Today i saw sisterhood of the travelling pants 2...and it was really good. I won't go into detail other than to say that i enjoyed the womanness of it all, but woman things always make me think of my grandma. Not because she was a particularly good example of the kind of woman one should be, but because she knew she wasn't the kind of woman she wanted to be and tried her damndest to make us learn from her mistakes. Then i went for a jog because it was just such a nice day outside and i started listening to an old This American Life about this brother and sister who had this really fucked up relationship with their mom. She would threaten to send them to orphanages and told them having them was her biggest mistake and as they got older the son stopped talking to his mother. But the sister took care of her and called her every night because she realized that there were things about her mom she would never understand and she really did try her best, even though her best was fucked up. This to me embodied my grandma, a terror of a woman full of bitterness and regret who just tried her best but often failed.

But there was a part during SOTTP when Blake Lively's character finds old cards and letters and things that her grandma had sent her over the years. It made me think of my grandma because my grandma was the only person who throughout my life sent me birthday cards. My mom isn't much of a believer in sentimental things and birthday cards are one of those things she just doesn't do. And i saw the rest of my family often enough that birthday cards weren't really ever sent. But my grandma always sent cards in the mail. She did it for all of her grandkids even though she lived no more than 15 minutes away from us and we saw her at least once a week. And i remember watching tv and hearing kids talk about how they looked forward to getting birthday cards from their grandparents because it usually meant they got some large check or a gift card or anything fun and interesting. These were the complete opposite of my grandma's cards. They were never funny or personal, usually some ugly card with tacky flowers or something about how granddaughters are special written in English, even though my grandma didn't read, write, or speak English. And they always said the same thing in her almost disturbingly perfect penmanship. It was a message i can't remember written in Spanish about how she wished me a happy birthday, and a happy life. Every card was the same message no matter if it was my Birthday or Easter or Christmas. And she would address it to me with the name Acosta instead of my last name. Like that was my true last name. She only did this for the girls, but it was like her call to arms, "remember who you are, you are and always will be Acosta women." It's haunting now that i think about it and it's one of the many things i wish i could ask her about, what this name meant to her.

She went into the hospital on december 14th, of 2003 the morning after i came back from my semester abroad, and she died on the 20th. During that week i came home from the hospital one day and there it was in our mail...a Christmas card addressed to me, with $20 (the first i had ever recieved from her) in it, wrapped of course in a well folded tissue. See my grandma had pretty severe OCD and one of her many compulsions was that she would wrap things in tissues or napkins. I opened the card, looked at her hand writing, knowing it would be the last time i would see it, knowing that since she was brain dead, lying in a hospital bed, waiting for her body to catch up with her mind I would never be able to thank her properly for all the cards she had given me that i had so carelessly thrown away throughout my life. I put it back in the envelope, money, tissue and all and placed it in a corner of the kitchen cabinet. It's still there, and sometimes i open it to remember her, to look at the precise folds in the tissue square that she probably creased for half an hour until she got the perfectly symmetrical fold.

And now that i get older i miss those cards and every time my birthday comes around I know that something is lacking. More importantly though i realize how much it cost her to send all of us, her grand children, those cards 3 times a year. My grandma was not a very independent woman. She couldn't drive or take the bus or communicate in English. She depended on one of her five daughters to take her anywhere she needed to go. And as i got older i realized that for her to go to the local super market and pick out what i thought was a tacky card was actually quite a feat. She would have to call one of my aunts or my mom to take her. And then she would take an average of about 3 hours to "get ready." Like i said, she was OCD, so leaving the house was a major event. And those cards that i thought were so impersonal...turns out she would ask her daughters to translate them for her so she could pick one that she felt reflected her thoughts.

This was her at 16, when my grandpa came back from America and decided that he would marry her, the prettiest girl in their town.
at 36 after having 7 children and burying 2.

In her late 40's fluffing my dress because it needed to be perfect for the picture
and in her 50's with her 2 favorite granddaughters.
I believe in naming children after important people, and i often wonder if she would count. She was named after one of the only 2 women who were worthy enough of receiving a book title in the Bible, and whether or not she lived up to that name i just don't know. I asked my mom once if she thought it would be ok to name a daughter after my grandma and she said, "why would you want to destine them to unhappiness like that. Names are supposed to be after people who lived good lives, not people who were miserable." And that's always how i think of her, a woman with the potential for greatness, but the lack of opportunities. And I wonder what she would think of me now, at 26 living on my own away from home, unmarried, no children, no responsibilities, doing exactly what i want to be doing right now. And i think she might be proud, like i was the only one who listened to her and took the things she said to heart. and 1 out of 8 is not bad.

recipes

peeps! i have an important question to my 4 readers!!! My man's bday is tomorrow and i was contemplating baking something in honor of this event. Any recipe suggestions??? i work better with stuff that has pictures attached to it. He likes chocolate...but really he'll eat anything.

Tucked in shirts? Yay or Nay?

guys, so remember how at pitchfork we discussed our predictions for fashion trends that will blow up? the most important ones being overalls and doc martins and Indian chic (which i do NOT approve of). Aaaaanyways i have another prediction to add. I think that tucked in shirts outside of the work place are going to be all the rage, and inspired by this, here are my outfits for this weekend.

amazing orange linen overalls from salvation army. Along with this purchase i also got an almost new Levi's light wash jean jacket. I have been wanting one forever but i could never rationalize the cost, and there it was for 7 bucks. Awesome.
soul night outfit. It felt 50/60's alterna kid style. also i wore animal print shoes EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT FALL because it was soul night.
Hair = by Sexy Straight Hair, Leopard Print wedges = Steve Madden, Black skinny Jeans - Lux @ Urban Outfitters, gold belt = Michael Kors, White Safari Button down shirt = converse for Target, Red Bead necklace = Bargain World thrift store, Sunglasses = forever 21.

guys i have to say that sitting around posing for myself to post on here makes me feel like a bit of a jackass so tell me if you all appreciate these clothing posts or would rather i not. Like i said, it's inspiring me to explore my closet as i would recommend you all do, but if you all think it's stupid and wasting your time please let me know.

Saturday afternoon outfit for heading to the farmer's market and eating. I ended up wearing this outfit for a total of 1 hour since i went blueberry picking afterwards and clearly had to change into "work" clothesLinen stretch pants = theory (i paid far too much but they looked good. I have this fantasy that when i actually have to wear work clothes i will buy theory suits), Belt = purchased in mexico many years ago, button down = converse for target (as you can see this is my new favorite shirt. go and buy yours RIGHT NOW). Sunglasses = Chanel, bangs = BY ME! not bad, right

How are you all feeling about my tucked shirt prediction??? I'm kind of digging it but maybe it's because i'm getting old and old people tuck in their shirts. thoughts? also i really want some kakhis for fall so that i can...you guessed it...tuck in my shirts. Does anyone have suggests for straight leg kakhis for short people?

today's coffee shop outfit. I was heading to a coffee shop on my bike that is like 4 blocks away up a slight hill and therefore i thought it would be ok to wear some non flat shoes. WRONG. do you even know how hard it is to bike in platforms with a backpack on?? I didn't realize that usually i'm drinking when i attempt to ride my bike in heels which accounts for why i never noticed the difficulty. Just imagine pedaling on your tip toes. Not cute at all
Gold strap wedges = Ann klein, floral dress = some brand i got at Brass Plum Nordstrom, belt = the Limited.

AND i am proud to note that every aspect of this outfit was purchased years ago which means NO NEW CLOTHES WERE USED TO MAKE THIS OUTFIT. hoorah for exploring my closet for things i haven't worn in a long time.

Brrrrrueberries

Guys, so i had my first experience of fruit picking this weekend. We chose blueberries because apparently raspberries have thorns so no thank you. I didnt' quite know what to expect. I assumed there would be gigantic rows of blueberry bushes as far as the eyes can see, like when you are driving up the 5 from LA to SF. And i imagined LOTS of people in overalls with head scarves and buckets picking away. Well the truth is we drove for about 30 minutes on some back roads, turned into someone's private farm land, and there we were. There were about 6 rows of blueberry bushes that extended the distance of like 2 blocks each, and a young girl working in a garage weighing berries. So you get these red buckets and you just pick and eat as you pick, and whatever you get is $1.59 per lb. amazing really. About 30 minutes into the endeavor we were hot and sweaty and our buckets were amazingly empty and we realized that this is why they charge so much for foraged goods. This shit took forever! and in the end i had 2.14 lbs of berries for an hours worth of work. obviously this was cheaper than buying from the store and also made for a good theme outfit opportunity and obviously memories and stuff.

what blueberry bushes look like
the premier of my linen orange overall purchased for $5 at the salvation army!! they are so comfortable and i believe they shall now replace my mexican dress as my house clothes. Look and pose inspired by Meryl Streep in "mamma mia" and her blue linen overalls.
Jen and Wendy are very excited
and we picked!
i eat straight from the bush and it was delicious
macro shot of some type of bug that could easily be mistaken for a blueberry
brrrrueberries
as you can imagine, i won the blueberry picking competition. my 2lbs blew away both of their 1 lb buckets
wendy lost among the brrrrueberries
jen, eating straight off the trees....mmmmm pesticides
our loot

Soul Night: the results

So i went to soul night and i have to say...it was not that bad. For all you who are wondering who this new mystery man is in my life here is a photo.

huge dork. He and his public policy peeps. This girl is half black. Also she was one of the 2 black people there that night. silvia soul night was like the equivalent of Singapore
Adam from Maine who may or may not come to the cape with us and who used to date ramit's girlfriend's sister. small fucking world!

re casey:

ok so i wasn't saying that everyone should stick to t heir own kind and never try anything new. But i guess what i was trying to criticize was the way that white people dont' acknowledge and appreciate their own cultural things too. So yes, taco night...but appreciate the value and cultural heritage that exists in a meatloaf.

so yeah that's what i was criticizing, this lack of appreciation for their own distinct white americanness.

blaze

bbq's

what i wore on sunday. Guys, i gotta admit, putting outfits together is getting hard since i've been busy with school. This was a no brainer that i threw on the other day.

Denim = citizens, Gladiators = Sam Edelman (found on clearance in chicago), top = MNG in spain, infamous red sweater = benetton germany (for reals i wear this damn sweater so much), amber necklace = prague

We had a BBQ this weekend, and it was totally successful. I made a great motown mix and we blazed until like midnight after which point we decided to head to a bar. Bad idea. drinking and eating meat all day do not make for good going out moods later. But anyways, the BBQ. We don't actually have a yard so we used a parking space in our lot and the small grass space between our house and the sidewalk.

sausages!!
big O being extremely manly with his grill
our neighbor's daughter came over and started doing our hair
so many ladies
the men were surrounding the grill

soul night

Now you all know my issues with "when white people co-opt other people's stuff." I am referring to things like ethnic garb, cultural practices (hello, salsa dancing!!), food, music etc. This for some reason always bothers me and i'm not really sure why. Americans have this love of taking other people's stuff. And in my travels America appears to be the only place that does this. You will never see an italian person eating non Italian food. it's part of who they are it's a means of expressing themselves. Like there is no such thing as fusion. Mexicans eat mexican food and thai people eat thai food. My mom has never made anything non mexican in her life, except for the one time i asked her to make spaghetti so she bought a jar of prego. And for some reason i feel that this is not an uncommon practice for non mainstream Americans to have "food theme nights" once a week in their house. "Jimmy, it's taco night!!" OR how they love taking ethnic names from other cultures/languages. "this is my daughter xochitl. It's nahuatl for flower." Ok xochitl is probably not on the top 10 list of ethnic names that white people choose for their children but it was the first one to come to mind

Yet in America we/they (i can't exclude myself from this) love to have this idea/fantasy that we/they have no real culture. "oh I'm american and this exempts me from having heritage that is my own so i need to sample other people's heritage to find out who i am." It is this idea that they live outside of a context that truly bothers me, because when you are living outside of THEIR context in the fucking margins you realize that they have a HUGE fucking contextual/cultural identity. and it also assumes this "norm" "control group" type thing like when i try to do research and people tell me i need a "white control group" as if white people are the normal ones and everyone else is in some fucked up social experiment where the experimental condition is being done to them....but that is all for ANOTHER post.

But anyways I started contemplating this as i was riding my bike home for lunch. I concluded that this adopting of other people's cultural heritage really only happens in the overly educated upper class. The farmer in the town over from me i'm guessing does not try to make paella. We also have a ridiculous access to random things in the US that you don't get access to in other countries which makes "fusion" possible. It reminds me of the wealthy girl in "the namesake" whose family throws dinner parties and buys foreign cheeses and cooks fancy (read ethnic) cuisine and are shocked to hear that the main characters parents only eat indian food all the time in this really condescending way (guys the book is way better than the movie, i'm just saying). And the truth is that i'm part of the overly educated elite so maybe all of this is just my own attempt to deal with my own issues with myself...but i'm just saying, it bugs me. On the one hand i love that we are a culture of blending but on the other hand i hate this idea that people take from other cultures in this very pretentious "i'm gonna take your poor cuisine and make it haute" kind of way. Is this ringing a bell with anyone???

the point of this whole entry was to say that tonight i'm going to the monthly Soul Night at our local hole in the wall venue. I have very mixed feelings about soul night as it tends to be a white dude from nebraska (he really is. My roommate is friends with him) mixing soul beats with white hipsters dancing all around in a small dingy room, and not a single black person in sight. I don't know why but something about this bothers me immensely. And usually within 15 minutes of dancing i come to realize that no one is looking at me BECAUSE I BLEND and really i'm part of the whole problem. And one time i went with some Black people and they were like....this is whack...cuz for reals it was, but we blazed nonetheless.

But there is something bothersome about a bunch of privileged White kids taking this things called soul which is meant to be an expression of black culture, both now and historically, and turning it into another fad. And it makes me wonder...do they actually get it?? It's like if somehow magically Mariachi music were to become this cool fad that hipsters adopted (this will NEVER happen) and all these white kids were to start buying vicente fernandez records and ernesto galvan records and setting up mariachi theme nights centered around tequila shots and gritos and trying to talk to me about what vicente means to them. That would piss me off cuz vicente is something sacred, like waking up on weekends hearing your parents gardening/drinking in the yard listening to this music because it's a reminder of where they come from. It's like an anchor. And it's this same feelings that i think people might associate with Soul and here we are, turning it into a weekly theme night, that completely excludes them. This is just like my issue with suburban White mom's having Taco night!! But also it's my issue with wealthy chelsea residents spending hours perfecting a curry.

so guys....DISCUSS as i am getting a little too heated. But i guess i'm asking for my White friend's opinions on this issue. Respond via your own blog (wow we are douches) or in the comments below. Why do you choose to adopt other people's stuff and what does it/tacos/soul/mariachi mean to you???

Also take my anger and high horseness with a grain of salt as i go make myself some chinese herbal Kombucha tea.

Vacuum cleaners and fishing expeditions

le sigh it's friday and i have more editing to do. le sigh le sigh. i just want this project to be done so i can move onto my next project looking at latino identity in literature.

So a few things:
1) casey, i finally started watching "the secret life of teenagers." Dude as usual brenda hampton knows how to take a good concept and fuck it up with terrible dialogue and bad background music. It's the same music from "7th heaven." But the truth is, i kind of care about these characters and i feel like if it was written by the people who write "kyle xy" it would be BOMB. Oh have i said too much about my tv watching habits? I agree that i dislike how the one latina girl is the ho, but i do like that the black girlfriend is the only person with common sense in the whole show. First they stop negatively characterizing black people and the latinos will be next!

2) did i tell you guys i'm going fishing at the end of august...wait for it...IN THE CAPE!! yes, my roommate's dad is a harvard educated psychologist/professional fisherman and he's taking us deep sea fishing on his boat for tuna!! e-magine!! it's like the kind of thing where you have to wear a belt around your waist and strap the pole to it and belt yourself down so you don't fly off. i know, i might die of joy or of actual danger. so serious question: what am i going to wear?? I mean on the one hand it's the cape but on the other it's a fishing boat...suggestions please

3) my plan is to write for 3 hours and then go home and clean, then shower, than head off to an obama fundraiser/sitting around a bonfire and jamming with guitars and various other instruments party. Oh the midwest, you never cease to bring me joy with your love of bonfires. so question, i really want to steam my carpets, like with those rented ones from the super market. has anyone ever done this? if so please comment

4) and finally, my outfit for the day. Pardon the shadows. my whole room had terrible lighting. I was browsing through an old j crew catalogue and was inspired by something i saw. PS did i anyone see that creepy spread they had with children dressing up as adults? it was super unsightly.

shoes (which you can't see) - indian inspired sandals by Aerosole (i know), shorts - forever 21, brown leather belt - purchased on a trip to mexico like 15 years ago, yellow wife beater - forever 21, sweater - forever 21, faux silk headband (also known as polyester) - forever 21, red bead necklace - Bargain World thrift shop,

Independent Woman

So guys, did you know i had a bike? it's true, i have truly gone "green." ok all jokes aside it's a legit bike, a Trek to be exact. I bought a used one at this bikeshop on campus. Anyways the other day my tire exploded and i thought "fuck! what do i do know." Luckily my handy dandy man friend knew exactly what to do and he came over and fixed it the other night.

This is not the important part of the story because who really wants to hear about a bike tire. The important part was that while he was fixing he was describing it to me as though it was something i might do in the future: "so when you unscrew this you will do it like this and then you take off the tire you will have to remember to do this and this." And then finally when it was all done he said "So now you know how to fix a tire for when it happens again."

I just have to say that being a woman this rarely ever happens. When people do stuff for you they almost never do it as a way to show you how to be free and independent and do it yourself. It's almost always a service being done for you with the assumption that if and when it happens again either they or someone else will do the same service. But it really struck me when he said that he was showing me so i could do it myself later. I realized...this guy really gets me! It's exactly the kind of thing my father would have said! My dad is a bit more crazy and probably would have made me take off the tire and rechange it all over again just so he could be assured that i did in fact know how to do it. But the point is he gets that i need to be indepedent and self sufficient and he doesn't seem to be threated by that. I mean really that's all i wanted to share. But yesterday my brakes weren't working and instead of waiting for him to come over and help me or taking it to a bikeshop where they would charge me 15 dollars in labor i took out my tool box (purchased by my father because he felt it was essential. mind you i am the only person in my house of 2 men who have a toolbox) and i assessed the situation for a minute...and then i did it! i fixed my own fucking brakes! and i haven't died today which means that i must have done it right.

School Girl Charm

so this will be my first outfit post of the week and this is mainly due to the weather. It has been balls ass hot and when you are walking over a mile with a backpack full of library books the ability to dress yourself properly alludes you. So the past 3 days i have been wearing shit that is not worth noting because i can't even remember what i wore yesterday.

But today the weather took a turn for the better and somehow in that mess of humidity developed a beautiful day of 75 degrees and 48% humidity!!!!! this is like your standard day in Los Angeles, but this is like one of the 10 great days that we have in michigan so we need to savor it. In honor of this and the fact that i have been spending my days in the library i decided to have a "school" inspired outfit. I reached for my red cardigan and there it was...my girls polo dress that i haven't worn in years. Even on a hot day you just have to bring a cardigan when you sit inside the overly airconditioned buildings of the university and this outfit was inspired and designed around my little red cardigan that i purchased on clearance while in Munich.

I'm also having one of those very rare natural good hair days. yes nothing was done to this shit except that i trimmed my bangs this morning. you like?
flats - mossimo by target, gray leggings - i think urban outfitter, navy blue polo dress - american apparel (could it be any other way?), red sweater - united colors of benetton Euro, glasses - prada purchased during my trip to florence and never actually worn.

full body shot. wouldn't you love to raid this closet of fun?! I should clean more before taking these pictures. Also note that taking pictures of yourself leads to lots of narcissism like me saying to myself "damn i look good" and shit like that. ridiculous. Note the sombrero pinata in my closet
pictures like this make me wonder "will i ever have matching towels instead of towels purchased here and there and/or matriculated from my parents house over the years?" But more importantly am i even the kind of person who believes in matching towels???

so guys i think i might implement the plan that i have tried for years, which is to start wearing my glasses that are not really for anything other than fashion. yes, i acknowledge this is ridiculous. But what if i say they are special glasses for reading in front of computers or some shit like that? i need a valid excuse. any suggestions for how to lie and pretend that i suddenly need glasses? Can't someone just wear glasses cuz they are cute without being judged!!??? is this not America? I'm going to try writing with them today until they bother me.

ok back to writing my thesis. I have realized that i am a most useless person when the internet is connected so in order to facilitate my own productively i have to turn off the wireless on my computer. Isn't this sad? i find this mildly upsetting and disturbing that i can't just not use the internet if it's on. That i have to actually take action and force it out of my life. anyways BLAZE!

what I'm wearing this week

Oh my god it's so hot. it's SOOOOO HOT!! it's 90 degrees with 80% humidity. That is like insane. so anyways because of this my outfits have been summer themed. I guess the overarching concept would be more like summer throughout the world. This week the Cape meets the islands.

inpiration: Classy Cape Nautical
Pinstripe shorts = forever 21 on clearance for5 bucks, belt = target, shirt (fake james perse shirt!!!) = converse for target, sunglasses forever 21, headscarf...my grandma's closet.

Can i talk for a second about this shirt? So you know how sometimes when you wear button downs the button by your boob will kind of separate and pop open? have you ever wondered "i wish there was more stretch here or something to make this not happen." so the James Perse (and fake shirt) have this stretchy side panel of t shirt fabric on the side so when you put it on it stretches!!! Anyways go to target and buy one or if you have the money get a real one.

PS like my sweat stain? hi, i have hyperhydrosis and it's hot.

my grandma's purple headscarf that i knotted down the center and tied around my head. you like? that forehead needs some blotting paper, stat.

so all this week is the Art Fair. This is a time of year when for like 4 days the entire downtown area shuts down and all these people set up artist booths. It's a madhouse of pedestrians and townies and crappy overpriced art. I can only equate it to when i lived in Florence and had to cross the sea of people on the Ponte Vecchio everyday. walking to class is like a battlefield...for your heart. So anyways i walked through the art fair in the middle of the day in this outfit and it was waaaaay too much clothes on my body. i wanted to die from overheating so today i took this to heart and decided on an oufit that was a bit more breathable.

Inspiration: Tropicalismo Daycation
Cut offs = my old citizen jeans that i discussed earlier this week, shirt = Banana Republic, Sunglasses = Forever 21, Hat = urban Outfitter

the results: An email i wrote to nick this morning while in class.

oh my god, want to hear something super embarrassing? Ok, so while i was walking to school this morning it was so hot like FOR REALS so hot, and my backpack was heavy because i had to bring my computer, and when i got to school in the bathroom i realized that i had sweat through the back of my shirt. It's a green shirt and it has this giant sweat spot across MY WHOLE back. i could die. It's just like high school all over again. On top of that i even woke up early this morning and did my bangs and stuff. And now i sweat so much that i sweat the bangs out and now they are poofy again. goddamn this humidity!!!

will the wounds of adolescence ever heal?

luckily this fabric is very thin and dries in a few minutes so i didn't have to suffer for that long

i'm including this picture even though it's hazy, but i wanted to show how my mirror tells LIES. It's a skinny mirror and it makes me look 10 lbs lighter than i actually am and i LOVE IT like on the reals. I always make sure to look at myself before i leave the house because i figure as long as i feel skinny i will exude skinny. Does this make sense?

just to put my 2 cents into the debate

guys this new Yorker shit is getting crazy. First off, I feel like I have definitely seen a cover like this with george bush on it wearing a turbin. i could be 100% making this up but it pops into my head as an image. No one cared. Second, it’s a political caricature! and perhaps most importantly IT WAS FUNNY! One of the reasons i can't wait for racism to be over (aside from my own personal attachment to the debate) is that crap like this will officially not be a big deal. But alas, we still live in racism/hater america.

to quote Bill Maher: "

“If you can’t do irony on the cover of The New Yorker, where can you do it?”

truth!

How I became obsessed with a 15 year old girl

Guys, i am obsessed with this blog. It all happened during an hour long conversation i had with emily about whether or not i should turn by old Citizen jeans into denim cut offs. yes, serious stuff. Well the first question was "How does one make cut offs the proper way?" As it turns out, there is no proper way, you just blaze. The second question was "how short or long should i make these cut offs?" Well in googling "cut offs" this girls blog came up and this was the convo that happened.

12:20 PM

me: wow i just found a pic of a girl wearing denim cut offs with hot pink tights it's kind of amazing for a fall look
Emily: oh boy, where?
me: http://fashiones-de-mi.blogspot.com/2007/12/school-week-of-outfits.html
i am adding this girl to my reader. i like her style
Emily: yeah i like that white top w/ the cutoffs a little ways down too
me: oh i love that
Emily: this is only further proof that i need moccasin boots
me: i agree this girl is like way too cool
Emily: i also like her hair i wish i could pull off bang
me: i mean she is legit cool
Emily: this is like my dream haircut, its like zooey deschanels. i so cant do that hair

a mere 3 hours later....

3:41 PM
me: ok this teenage girl's blog is like my new favorite blog
Emily: she cracks me up i have gone pretty deep into the archives she's got all these dumb pictures and will be like"yeah i look like a douchebag.” i appreciate
me: she is too cool for school…LIKE FOR REALS. she make me want doc martins, emily
Emily: i was totally going to say the exact same thing!

she also has a post about why summer camp sucks and her reasons are part of the reason why i love her.

3) being forced to wear either sneakers or crocs. CROCS!
4) dressing practically=no fashion
6) mad awkwardness (don't ask)
9) getting sunburned despite sunscreen and NOT tanning

I never actually got to go to summer camp, which i consider to be one of the greatest tragedies of my life but that is for another post, but these are teh reasons why i don't really like nature and the midwest and stuff.

So anyways this got me thinking that i have TONS of clothes. In fact there were quite a few things i saw on this girls blog that i said, hey i have that! so in honor of emulation (not stealing) i decided to start a feature called "what i wore this week." The point of this is multi fold. On the one hand i will get to show you guys the various outfits that i put together and you can judge me. Secondly it will force me to post. and finally and perhaps most importantly it will get me to try to look good when i leave teh house. i always want to look good but when it comes down to it i usually end up throwing on some jeans and a t shirt and flip flops. I mean this is a look too but i'd liek to explore the depths of my closet. also i'm broke so maybe i can "discover" some new things that i never knew i owned.

Pitchfork music festival is this weekend (thus the convo about the cut offs). Crazy outfit updates to come on monday!!

So You Think You Can Dance Moments

So there is very specific glue that holds all of my friendships together. For Emily and me it's talking shit about other women and television. For Ivan it's finding appropriate romantic comedies to suit everyday life experiences. And for cathy it's bonding over reality competition shows that "touch" us. She usually sends me links to dance routines that she likes on shows like "so you think you can dance" and "dancing with the stars" and sometimes if we're lucky we'll both be online at the same time and we'll watch these clips together from our respective living rooms and discuss them over gchat. It's really one of my favorite things to do, to share real life "moments" with cathy because i know that she understanding when i say that something makes me eeeeeeemotional. We also do this with george michael's songs and various versions of "wild horses" (PS Cathy, peep the version by charlotte martin. i'm just saying).

anyways today since ivan doesn't have a television (hello, i would die!!) i decided to compile links of the best and most eeeeemotional dances from this season of "so you think you can dance." I have become a master of my own time suckage but just bare with me. I decided to share my very very favorites with you guys. Not that i know what i'm talking about but for me dancing has everythign to do wiht the dancers ability to express something to you, some view of the world. There are some girls and guys on the show who are awesome dancers and are hot and stuff but just have no emotion. And then there are some who you wouldn't think are awesome but have turned out to be my favorites. But what i love is that it combines all of these things: dancers, amazing choreographers, and finally totally bomb music to create this beautiful medley of art.

so anyways i'll stop writing and just let them speak for themselves. here are my favorites of this season:
This one is, i believe, about a housewife and her overworking husband who is never around. and HELLO who doesnt' love this fucking song!??!! And initially when cathy sent me the routine i wasn't feeling it until about minute 1:28 and she busts out her eeemotions. it was then that i was sold. Also i mean who doesn't love a song that you can translate to "breeding rove."


This next one is my most favorite couple of all. He's like a street dancer i believe and she's a contemporary dancer. Intially i thought she was super lame when i saw her on the try outs and i was bummed she got picked but man was i wrong. she is the bomb!! This one is about a couple where the guy is gettign shipped off to war and it's all sad and shit. I really like how she has this very soft way of dancing. Like it's not intense popping and locking but it works in combination with him. man i just feel it!!


And last is my all time favorite routine of this season and maybe of the past 2 seasons i've watched too. It's a mia michael's routine and the story is about 2 people who are on separate paths and want to stay that way but their lives keep intertwining. I know it's silly but in a lot of ways i relate to this peice. bare with me. Alot of times i feel like i want to maintain my indepdence, and do what i have to do for myself and my career. and in many ways i have this fear that all of this desire for personal glory will prevent me from ever really being in a real vulnerable relationship with anyone. So when i hear this song and i see this girl dancing, fighting to assert herself but sort of failing at it because it's kind of impossible. and maybe i'm reading too much into it but it just touched me, ok! and the song is just amazingly moving


and on a final note, step up 2: the streets, is coming out on dvd!!! holler!

the way REAL white people celebrate Independence

guys, having been an american for the last 26 years of my life i will tell you now, i had my first truly American 4th of july this weekend. There are so many little nuances about how to be a white american that i never knew about

So on Thrusday night we went to my lover's bff's annual 3rd of july bbq. It was very good times. things i learned
1. there is some game called "corn hole" where you have a block of wood with a hole in it and you throw these bean bags into the hole. I didn't actually get to play but they all seemed to love it.
2. working class white people only ever have jack daniels/whiskey or cheap beer at their parties. this is a given. i just don't understand why they can't have like vodka or liek proper mixers in their fridge. why????!!!
3. They had a bonfire. Note, white midwesterners LOVE BONFIRES. And tehy all know how to build them AND they chop their own fucking wood and they spent like half an hour talking about the best way to lay out their wood so as to get the best fire. where the fuck are we???!!! people just like went to their backyards and chopped down wood. I KNOW!! and then at one point when people were sufficiently drunk they walked miles to someone's house, dragged their christmas tree which they still had, and then decided to set that in the bonfire. That shit burned like what! it went up into a giant 12 foot flame. I couldnt' write this shit better
4. i ate baked beans, some kind of potato casserole that had layer of baked potato chips on top, and a cheese bratwurst.

Friday: Lover's BFF's family reunion on the lake
1. his friend's family has a literal log cabin on the lake that they built with their own hands. Midwesterners all build their own houses. this is something i will never understand.
2. this family happened to love spain, spanish, were all spanish teachers so they had their annual family paella cooking context followed by a bollywood sing along. yes, it makes no sense whatsoever. I guess one of the sisters of this guy was a mormon missionary in india and she brought back her love of indian film so now they have a bollywood night during their family reunion.
3. white people have "family reunions." and for these reunions peopel come from all over teh country far and wide to sleep in small quarters with each other.
4. we went down to their dock and went swimming in the lake. it was like a scene out of fucking dawson's creek.
5. we had ANOTHER bonfire. i'm telling you, they lvoe bonfires. This time they didnt' cut down wood but rather went around their property and collected random excess lumber that they had from whatever project they had worked on over the years: a new deck, a roof, a new wing to their house, etc. so we had this bonfire, ate smores, and watched fireworks over the lake.

Saturday: my lover's uncle's summer cottage on a lagoon in lake cadillac
1. there is actually a place called cadillac
2. his uncle owns a pontoon boat and so we all road on that and everyone was drunk on beer again. i was sober since i dont' drink beer
3. i ate a hot dog.
3. they peer pressured me into riding their jet ski. what is it with whhhhite people and extreme sports!!! not all of us want to die!!

example number 2 of this love of extreme sports: my lover coerced me to go on a "light bike ride" today which ended up being some crazy mountain biking expedition through the backtrails of ann arbor. what the hell!!

despite all of these little oddities i had an enjoyable truly american 4th of july.

Summering in the Hamptons

so this past weekend we had our "summering in the hamptons" party. After much discussion and consultation from east coast friends it was decided that it must be "summering" and not "summer."

anyways it was like p-diddy's white party meets country club athletics. photos below:

check it silvia, it's a real live Trini boy! unfortunately the captains hat has gone missing since that night...i know

big O in his seersucker suit, which he owns and wears regularly, not just when he's in costume. I love this bitch.
my Mitzy Von Tittlington outfit. do you love it?
Anneette and a girl who kept asking us to play george michael "freedom" because "i swear it will GET THE ROOM GOING!!" she said this like 10 times in the night and we all doubted her and finally played it only to find that it really DID get the room going. how could i doubt you, GM?
black lights and gays
i don't remember his name but he had my props
more props. i believe alex was in the background talking to his brother who is the booking agent for the pabst theater in milwaukee. Yes, he books major acts. In this picture we found out that he has booked girltalk and so alex was screaming to his brother "can we all go see girltalk!!???"
psychologists in hatssss
party time
unfortunately the party lasted too long, like until 6:30 am. seriously it was too much.
this was me looking very annoyed as i was trying to downtempo the music so that people would go home
PS don't my bangs look good!