trannies and babies PART IV

tailgating is a good idea but when you wake up at 8:30 with the worst headache of your life and you feel like you might die it doesn't seem so grand as it once did. With that feeling of death we all woke up and headed to Asia SF for the find gender illusionists and dining. just think about it...asian fusion cuisine and drag queens dancing and serving you. quite exotic.

here are some pics of the super hot hotties of asia sf

and then there was this really sad, preop tranny who was like...so not cute and so not sexy, and for her routine she sang "all by myself." we all agreed that she truly was the saddest girl to ever hold a martini. truly
Here are all our faces of SHOCK! SHOCK I SAY!
"Oh my god i SHOULD be a tranny with my legs!"

"how is it that they have better asses and tits than me???? i'm a woman goddamnit"

"I wish i had a faching so i could wear fabulous clothing and tassels"


So the next day david and i drove out to marin to visit my cousin and her new baby. the cutest baby ever!!

seroiusly look at this and tell me he isn't objectively speaking super cute! i present to you, little Benny!

On the way back we got a really rude awakening because we drove with the windows up and idnd't realize that david's dad's chevy corsica actually leaked gas and so we got the the new bloomingdales in union square and felt really tired and groggy and sick and nautious and like we were GOING TO DIE! i proceeded to have a massive anxiety attach about possibly dying of gas poisoning in the food court and david was freaking out too but after an hour and an ice cream we were kind of fine so we shopped. I bought 2 new pairs of joe jeans and a couple pairs of boots. i believe this takes the officialy boot count up to 6. why??? why????

drunk PART III

I like to call this section of pictures "drunk" because we were and that is the only way to explain some of the pictures


I brought this toolbelt for ivan and bobby to take on their gay cruise and then i had this epiphany. The toolbelt could also hold various things like...my drink, tapatio hot sauce, chili con limon powder, and I can’t believe it’s not butter…spray.

I don't know wha ti'm doing here but it looks like hard work
so then cathy packed up some drnks in her mini cooler for the walk to the stadium. you never know who might dehydrate on the way and need a quick beer
don't we look like the fucking reservoir dogs or something!!

i definitely look like i'm on the verge of passing out at this point
then we got into the stadium. so pretty!
nuria starting giving gilbert a lapdance. nothing new about that. it's just like vegas all over again
cathy was excited about the game before she realized...

how much we sucked
Ivan on the other hand opted for reading the New Yorker instead of watching the game. who goes to a football game and reads the new yorker!
then david made me go on the field and take a picture with the arizona mascot, wilma. blah
we went to the student section and i got mocked for wearing my shirt and someone made me cry and i was extremely eeeeemotional So I ate some of cathy's popcorn and felt significantly better
So the game was officialy over and we officially lost, big surprise. We all agreed that tailgating was in fact quite awesome. Football games on the otherhand are a total buzz kill. Thus we vowed that the second time around we would stick to the drinking in a field and avoid the game altogether. We were also all REALLY hung over. All except for cathy who decided that she'd take her harajuku lover roller blading around campus. sometimes cathy is hopeless
The rest of us other the other hand were HELLA hung over at this point...at 4pm in the afternoon. So we got into david's ghetto (but not fabulous) chevy corsica. Bobby was quite shocked because he had never driven in such a jacked out car

PreGameing PART II

Wow so I have had almost a week to process it and to get the liquor out of my system and now I feel that I can very aptly retell the tails of Saturday, the big tailgate. As usual (despite my warning people that we were not going to be on Mexican Time) people were running late and david was rushing me because he didn’t want to miss kick off. Granted it was 10 am and kick off was at 2:30 so I figured we’d make it with time to spare. In honor of my first tailgate ever we decided to go cash money bling style and buy various brats from an actual butcher, as opposed to the bargain pack at safeway. Yes, this was going to be a very classy affair. We also bought a gigantic handle of vodka and a lot of beer. I did not eeemagine that we would finish it all but I was really underestimating the drinking power of getting 7 mexicans together and a Vietnamese. Since my words can’t really do the story justice I will tell it in pictures.

Upon our arriving we realized that bobby's grill was very dirty and unusable, so he got down on his hands and knees and proceeded to clean. How very common!! How very plebian! But we all know, as cathy has commented many times before, bobby is no stranger to getting down on his knees. OH SNAP!! Here is bobby slaving away over a grill

This would be my first drink...a bloody mary, breakfast of champions. My morning victuals. All the essential vitamins and nutrients one needs, and with a nice celery stick included, to burn the calories that you are taking in. How fabulous!

I believe we are all on our first drinks and still looking somewhat put together. Do you like that little tempting piece of flesh I am showing. Ooh the seduction, I’m sure! Cathy brought out her athletic gear and ivan brought out his “Stanford English” t shirt since he doesn’t actually own any sports wear that has sleeve. One word: GAY!

I'm gonna guess that cathy is on her 4th drink? i don't really know what she is doing.

So then we popped open david’s SUV which we all agreed was v. cruc to the situation, and proceeded to blast ethnic music to our chagrinned white neighbors. Speaking of our white neighbors they had matching chairs and table cloth and even a floral center piece! Add that to the list of necessary items for next years tailgate. Check.

Brats and corn! what a team!!

David being all manly with his Tecate and brats.

I love this picture because it looks like ivan and i have massive sexual tension between the two of us. and yet...GAY!!

SF Weekend PART 1

here was what i wrote on my way to SF at the airport in Dallas Texas

So I kind of made a big snaffu and when I booked my flight to SFO using some american airlines credits I had. I accidentally booked it through dallas texas. What I think happened was I saw the D and I read Dallas but my mind processed Denver. Mostly because flying through dallas is ridiculous and stupid and further than just flying straight to sfo. Yes, this is very very true since it will now take me 4 hours to get from Dallas to SFO. It was one of those moments you see in movies where I’m on the plane and I get all comfortable and the stewardess is like “good morning we are on our way to Dallas/Ft Worth” and suddenly I opened my eyes and said “what!! Shit!” utterly wretched. Wretched!!!

Well now I am here in Dallas/ft worth texas and it’s a very weird places. So many Mexicans!! So nice! Lots of black people. I am not the only brunette with olive colored skin. I feel good about myself as a validated human being once again. Texas, who knew? To commemorate my time here I contemplated buying some of that “don’t mess with texas” crap in the gift shop. I was really close and kind of really wanted a t shirt. I still might get one. Also key to note there are people in this airport wearing lots of cowboy bopts and lots of cowboy hats. V. interesting. Sucks though that I’m stuck here for another hour only to take a 4 hour flight. God that was real dumb of me

CNN is showing that it’s snowing all weekend in Michigan. Ha! Fuckers! .

what a ridic day we all had yesterday. drinking in the afternoon does not lead to good times in the pm. will update later with pictures that include tool belts, brats, corn, and drag queens.

things i hate

Guys so yesterday i was browsing through my space as i am apt to do on nights when i am procrastinating and i came upon this girl from my high school who i was not yet friends with. I noticed that her profile was blocked and only viewable by her friends. damn! why do people do this! Clearly i requested her friendship right then and there. the reason i was curious about her was not that i really cared but rather that she was one of my least favorite people of all time in my teen years and so i really wanted to see what she was doing as a means of mocking her. Clearly, i am a horrible person but I have come to terms with that, so you should too. Anywys she's still dumb and becoming a model in taiwan or something. Anyways what i wanted to talk about was her profile.

"I am about the BIGGEST DORK you will ever get to know or meet and I will be the first to admit it. haha. I love to read, eat junk food, watch movies all day long, take naps, write music, and sing. Music is my ultimate passion. I hope to touch people's souls with my work. I recommend 'The Alchemist' for inspirational reading material. It happened for me.... I was going to school for my business and marketing degree when I landed the opportunity to travel the world and make good money (SCHOOL MONEY! YEA!) I freelance work for a number of model/talent agencies. I'm also living my dream....music....as I mentioned before. When all this excitement dies down then I hope to go back to school and finish the two years that I have left. Maybe then I'll be able to find my prince charming, get married, and have a family of my own."

now there are just so many things wrong with this. First off, no, you are not a dork! i am a dork! you, you my friend, are not a dork. I hate when people who clearly mocked you for being a dork in your youth and made you feel liek a wretched and horrible person comeout with shit like this that they are the worlds biggest dork. fuck you! first of all dorks are smart. yeah, that's all. Call me caddy but goddamnit i did not work my ass off this hard in school for some stupid bitch to claim that she is a dork. Maybe i'm just bitter because i spent 8 hours in the library today, AND I LIKED IT. That my friend, is being a dork. BTW, reading the alchemist does not make you a deep person, nor does it make you a lover of books. shut up. Also college is not for finding a husband and getting married! it's about learning! god i hate women! i hate them all.

Also this alchemist thing got me talking wiht emily earlier and i was noting how she should write a column titled "smart things that dumb people like for the wrong reason and smart people like for the right reasons." The alchemist is one of those things. dumb people LOVE this book. and it's a fantistic smart book but to say that you are following your personal destiny by modeling in taiwan i feel really doesn't quite grasp the purpose of the book. Another thing that we discussed was "gone with the wind" and how dumb people always list this as their favorite book and it is a great book but we were trying to figure out why so many dumb women love this book. And we realized, it's probalby because they think it is a love story when in reality it's not and they think scarlet and rhett are mfeo and they are but because they are both HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS. And scarlett herself is a wretched woman and that's why you love her. And thus, dumb people like that book for the wrong reasons and smart people like it for the right reasons. another example, the show "the bachelor." dumb people think this show is so romantic and all about finding love. Smart people think it's a horrible representation of how fucked up women and men in our society are that they don't actually know what love is. it's more than a fucking wedding people!! And i think the producers of this show are smart enough to see that and mock the people on teh show judging from the women they choose and the editting they do. Other things include but are not limited to "eternal sunshine of teh spotless mind" "garden state" and the broad category of "foreign films" and usually what they mean by foreign films is "life is beautiful." you, yes all of you, i hate you all. Especially you roberto benigni

onto more calming positive imagery. today during my 8 hour shift at the library i found a carrol that had a window to campus and it was sooo...just...yeah...so. It was dark and dreary and i was on the 4th floor so all i could see were the orange and red tops of trees and the wind was blowing the leaves everywhere and there were red brick buildings all under the trees and it was magical, like hogwarts or something. and i felt like really, deep, or something.

** edit another thing to add to teh list: "breakfast at tiffanys" dumb people think this is a love story. he's gay people!

cutest video EVER

ok this shit seriously made me cry. Thank you Ramit, for paying it forward.

Literacy is cute

leaves and shit

to my peeps on the west coast:

You know how when you got to college and all of the east and midwesterners kept mocking you for not knowing what a real fall is like? and you kept wondering, wow do leaves really fall and form giant piles into which you can jump and frolick etc etc. Well I am in it, officially. fall that is. I am in fall. And it's true, there are a lot of leaves, everywhere. But coming from the very pristine well cleaned up area of Palo Alto i keep thinking "why doesn't someone hire a gardener to clean this shit up! preferably a mexican one!" Let me tell you a the little realities of fall. There are leaves, but there is also rain and rain plus leaves just means lots of wet piles of orange crap. there is also wind and cold. It's kind of dirty, i will be honest. Basically what i'm saying is those people lied to us and made us feel liek we were misisng out. To them i say, Give me palm trees and sun all year round!!

ok ok maybe i'm being too harsh. The other day i was taking a nice run through a park (i know!) and i saw this tree and it was all kind of beautiful orange and red almost as though I was moses and this tree was on fire telling me the ten commanments (religious imagery, anyone anyone?). And i stopped my jog and went up to the tree and pulled off a leaf, the most beautiful leaf i could find. Well you know what? That leaf was not that beautiful apart from the other leaves. It kind of just looked dead in my hand. And that's when i realized, that leaf outside of the context of that tree and that park and that moment meant nothing. It was all of that together that made it beautiful. And i don't know how that all relates to fall and my opinions on it, you tie it all together but there it is.

Today it's a bit chilly, odd really since yesterday it was 75 degrees! But according to the weather this thursday is set to have snow showers. snow showers! What the hell is a snow shower? is this different from let's say...snowing or a snow storm or really cold rain? these are legit questions i think. oh ann arbor, you slay me with your cunning ability to throw me for a loop. What will you do next!

on that note i leave you with pics of this past weekend. I'm sad to say i had left my camera in my office desk which is why there aren't more full body shots of me. it's tragic really.

here we have a waist up of the costume, which has been discussed at length. what is horribly unfortch is that you couldn't see the lower half of my body. so sad. If you look closely you can see my fanny pack. also interesting to note...my breasts look HUGE. must be an angle thing. This is early in the night...drink 1 maybe?

ah yes...drink 2. i believe i took the "groomsman el super" flask from my fanny pack and spiked it a bit. it was hella weak. Nishi went as a punk and Fernando went as super P man. We thought that was lame and told him he shoudl just say he's "Pedro the mexican." Pedro the mexican and Drew the Pool boy
I think some people refer to this as "bringing sexy back."???
yes yes i think so

Me and Asian Jenn, before she and fernando snuck off to make out on the side of the building.
Pedro and Hugo guest starring as "pepper"
This is one of those pictures that really needs context but that you were way too drunk to remember the context. for instance...what was i singing? clearly it was very eeemotional. I am going to bet my money that it was an 80's song for sure.
I distinctly remember at this point hugo yelling "do the chicken dance, yo, do the chicken dance!!!" beyond that it's a bit of a blur. Also important to note, this shall be my face for the rest of the pictures. clearly i was very excited.
Hugo looks pissed. like someone told him that Taco Bell had gone bankrupt. what!!!! say what!!key to note in the next 2 pics...how fernando's face goes from "i'm about to pass out" to "what time is it guys i'm getting tired."

and that was kind of it for the night. Nishi's camera was dying of battery which is why all the pics look really rushed. cuz we kept yelling "quick the battery is gonna die! quick!! oh wait it didnt' die yet??? ok ok quick another before the battery dies!!"

things that i hvae learned tonight after the "the letter p" party

1) i could live in dancewear. seriously a leotard, tights, and leggings was quite possibly the most comfortable thing i have worn in my ENTIRE LIFE!!

2) i won the best costume contest...my prize is yet to come. BOMB!!!

3) Men still love asian women. why? case in point fernando hooked up wiht an asians woman who is actually hella cool and i like her and all but the principle of the matter is still that asian women steal all the men who like petite brunettes. why????

4) hugo, nishi, wendy, and i are going to denny's tomorrow for brunch to debrief on the whole hook up incident because we were all to drunk to actually drive to denny's tonight and cuz they were all moderately sketchedout by it even though they were urging it on the whoel time, and i am like the objective therapist fo rthem all.

5) that's kind of all...

clothings...who knew??

so many epiphanies today, but ok, check it. I was just watching thankyou for smoking with ozan, sober...so wierd, the sobriety not the movie...but anyways i had driven my car over but some ass hat in a toyota echo (lame loser car) had parked behind me thus trapping me into the lot. fucker! so anyways this meant that i had to walk home and it is currently 30 degrees with wind. seriously cold. Anyways i had a sweater and a scarf and i was fine up there but what was killing me were my feet. i was wearing these cute gold kenneth cole flats, which while nice and matching with the rest of my outfit were clearly not impervious to the cold. And i was thinking...."man you know what would be really nice right now? some nice tall boots that could cover not only my feet but also my legs." and then it hit me! the fucking utility factor of most clothing. i have spent most of my life in southern California where a tall boot is purely worn for ornamental purposes but i always thought "why do women wear their pants tucked into their boots. They must be hot." This to me always seemed liek they were doing it for a cuteness factor but it never hit me that perhaps the trend started because in some places you have to wear tall boots and you have to cover your calves because otherwise you will freeze. clothing can have a function guys! seriously whta a fucking epiphany!

Example # 2. yesterday it was raining really really hard all day so when i got dressed to go into the office i put on my wellies and threw on my thick, water proof, quilted, long SF rain coat. This is definitely under the coat and not jacket category, i think. Anyways i figured rain = cold and wet so i this jacket will work wonders. I hop on my bike and start riding and about 30 seconds later it hits me...fucking humidity like what! seroiulsy it was crazy hot outside and raining and to top it off i had this gigantic ridiculous red coat and i was sweating and not to mention i had like layers underneath and i started thinking, "damnit this would have been perfect for my REI anorak thin water shell jacket, which is suitable for warm weather, but not cold weather."

And so my point is i suddenly have this understanding of the kids who came from wisconsin and thought that we californians were truly ridiculous, because we were! why the hell do we wear boots and jackets and uggs and tights and all that other winter and fall apparel that i now can attest to the fact is useless. But here in the all weather capitol where we go through 5 different climate zones a day there may be 5 different jackets that you would use for different purposes. And not for cute factors liek "this blue one is for when i look casual, and this red is for when i look professiona and the green is for my preppy days." no i'm talking like...this fleece is for when it's moderatly cold but this water shell is for when it's hot but raining and this wind shell is for when it's really cold but i have layers underneath and this gigantic parka is for when it's below freezing and these gloves are for light fall whiel these fur lined gloves are for snow and these unlined water boots are for fall rains while these sheerling lines boots are for late october early november while these water proof sheerling boots are for snow, but these boots would be way to hot for the october november times. This is all causing me to really rethink fashion and completely reclassify the way i think about clothes.

are you seeing what i'm saying!! fucking ephinay! on that note...perhaps this weekend i go shopping, because let's be honest...all the tall boots that i have are like 2 1/2 inches and higher and you can't walk very far in that. so i feel like i legitimately need some taller boots.

shoe crisis

god i hate to focus on the negative but...haha ok that is a lie! i swear!

anyways...let's focus on some negativity. Can we talk about how i hate those stupid "pink" victoria secret sweat pants that women wear with "pink" written on their asses. In fact i hate the women who wear these pants too. These are the very same women who wear their stupid ass sweats with wife beaters and uggs. if it is cold enough to be rocking the sweats and uggs is it really hot enough to be wearing only teh wife beaters? explain this to me please. yes...i hate you! And i may secretly just hate you because i secrely kind of realy want uggs because dear god they would be so damn comfortable in the cold weather for a 9am class or when i just want to walk over to jonathan (david's name for josh and ozan)'s house. But no, you have made such a bad name for a shoe that could otherwise be gloriously unfashionable yet oh so comfortable and now you leave the rest of us with nothing! nothing! I mean victoria secret...people their stuff is not even that good. ill fitting bras and panties that give you extra ass bunching. let's be honest, why do we support them. i am a Calvin Klein intimates girl myself and i am recommending CK to you all today. I say let's stand up today and boycott crappy overpriced underwear makers! i have never found a bra and Vickie's that makes my boobies look well shaped.

anyways the point of all this is to say that i need some kind of comfortable ugg type shoe, but not an ugg. Basically because i'm from LA i will look liek the stupid californian if i wear uggs. goddamn stupid LA whores! goddamn you paris hilton and cameron diaz! damn you all! can a woman just wear her uggs in peace without judgement! do i not bleed! Anywyas point being i need a nice comfortable slip on type shoe. awe fuck guys let's face it. I need a fucking birkenstock clog is what i need. who am i? i've changed! I've changed!!

This was Fernando and I circa Saturday night...2am. eeemagine tights and ugly sweater.

being the psych nerds that we are we could only describe it in terms of research and citations

Csikszentmihalyi (1990) refers to it as flow; the psychology of optimal experience. It was flow. google that shit!!



also can we talk about how i fucking embedded video in my blog!! thank you you tube!!

a P by any other name shall smell as sweet?

ok guys so the P has been decided!! although perez hilton WOULD have been a bomb idea but highly underappreccccciiiiiated. just like weaving all night and saying i was Penelope of the Odyssey would have been underappreciated. but thanks, ivan. sad to say, both penelope and persephone would have gone over the mich people's heads. Anyways after much deliberation i had narrowed it down to a few key ideas

1) pink power ranger - a costume that requires a bit of strategy but this is no biggie for a seasoned costume veteran like myself

2) pinata - wasn't really sure how i would do this

3) Cracked out penelope cruz in "Blow." Just eeemagine i could run around in a fur coat and gold heals yelling "mother fuuuuuckkkerss!!!!" with a columbian accent. Again, this might be over their heads. Today i made a reference to "when harry met sally" and it was over their heads

4) Pee Wee herman - I'm thinking suit, bow tie, slicked back hair. all pretty standard second hand store fare.

well we went out to half off wine night at some "italian" restaurant. Olive Garden is more italian than this place. But it was good people. Anyways ozan brought his pseudo girlfriend of the whole "my boyfrien dhad a seizure" variety and i was running my ideas by the two of them and she, being the artsy stanford alum had a brilliant idea. so she got really attached to this whole Pinata concept and was like "you can just wear leg warmers and sweaters and bright colors in stripes all over and throw candy from your belly." I took it to the next level by adding that i could throw candy from a hot pink fanny pack attached to my belly. ozan took it to the next level by adding that i should wear a birthday hat. done and done!!

leg warmers + armwarmers + bright mexi colored sweaters + covered in COLORES + birthday hat + candy being thrown from hyper colored fanny pack = PINATA FUN FOR EVERYONE!!

OH SHIT THAT RHYMES TOO!!

*** Upon consulting wiht bobby he has just taken to the next level. I will also spend the night speaking only in Spanglish and when people spank me then and only then will i throw candy at them. Holy crap it's gonna be like every fucking Birthday party i ever had growing up! i was mexican before it was cool to be mexican, namely being that i was mexican and had pinatas before the mainstream had pinatas. back when it was just a burro and not a barbie or finding nemo fish, and before having a burro was retro. guys this may be the best costume yet!

************another update...emily just took it there. we're talking fringe and ruffles of some kind....oh yes, she took it there.

do you think i need a sticker that sayd "i <3 Guadalajara"?? haha mexican joke!

i'm SAD

So last night i was planning on seeing "the science of sleep" with a few people and they all flaked on me. I think fernando is hooking up wiht someone on the DL because he was being all cryptic when i axxed why he couldn't make it like "oh i have to study" and i was liek "um the movie is at 9:15 on a tuesday night, what are you studying" and he was liek "yeah...um ok so i have to go." shady. what a fuck. Anyways i invited ozan and josh but as it were i forgot that they are old and only check their email a few times a day so they got the email this morning. so last night wa sthe final night it was showing and i was contempmlating going alone, which is kind of pathetique, but really do i care? i think not. Anyways i edned up not going out alone and staying in and watching my tivoed dancing with the stars and gilmore girls and i just felt so....blah...you know just so....blah. And this morning i'm feeling blah again and i'm realizing....oh my god hwat if i have SAD. What if i have seasonal affective dissorder!! Apparently this happens when people from sunny places move to places that have no sun and so not having sun gets their bodies all fucked up and they get real depressed. What if i have this!! i mean granted i don't actually feel depressed i just feel lazy, and granted i wouldn't technically call LA a sunny place. But seriously. I was mocking my crazy office mate the other day (i use the term crazy quite literally not in like the "oh she's so cute and crazy!" kind of way) because she was talking about how her doctor approved her sun machine and so she's going to have a machine that she sits in front of and it will give her fake sunlight so she can be peppy again, which is super upsetting to me because she's already fucking peppy enough and most of the time i want to smack and her and tell her "chill the fuck out!" ugh see! are you seeing the negativity i am giving off right now! god i so have SAD it's not even funny. alright i'm going to shower, eat and embrace the day. and then i'm going to go drink wine later for very cheap.

the letter P

ok guys, i need my 5 readers to really channel all of their energy toward a very special request i have. So i know that only like two peopel comment, but if you've never commented before this is your opportunity!! I need your help! i need your creativity! i need your ideas!

ok so this weekend my friend Kristen is throwing her first theme party of the year. This makes me very excited as i LOVE theme parties like fucking WHAT!! no seriously, no joke, i love this shit. Anyways the theme is very broad and vague and thus is open for moments of great genius.

The theme is "the letter P"

Ok spend the day today or tomorrow contemplating this and let me know what you guys think...What should i be!????

If no one comments i will hate you all.

i'm up and then i'm down again

Yesterday i was praising myself for being "so on top of my shit, it's not even funny!" I had my problem set done 3 days early, leaving me enough time to go to office hours. office hours! i have never been able to go to an office hours in my life becuase i've never started problem sets earlier than the night before they were due. Grad school guys....i'm always amazed by myself. I kept telling people "i am so on top of my shit! is this what it's like to be a taiwanese student at stanford! or an Azzzian or an indian???!" fun with stereotypes, true story

today is a totally different story. Today i'm going into my seminar not having read a word of the assigned readings. Why do i think i can get away with this, you ask. Well the class is taught by a tiny german man and there are 4 people in it, and today's lecture is on motivation, and hello i'm taking a whole other class on motivation so somethign just makes me feel like i can make this shit up and get away with it. Also i just didn't want to read 80 more pages on motivation. it seemed silly.

on a random aside, i hate learning about motivation. it's so one sided and they spend so much time arguing about theories and like...can we just agree on one theory of motivation, fix that one up, and be done with it. Also can we stop using "students at a predominantly middle class, mid western university" as our subject pool ie White midwesterners. but mostly i hate motivation theory because my office mate (aka crazy red headed teach for america buff who is overly excited about everything and acts super nice but under her facade of happiness is actually really condescending) anyways she fucking loves motivation and seeing how motivated she is just fills me with anger. Because basically this class i an opportunity for her to talk ad nauseum about motivaiton, and let's be honest. i just can't stand her voice and htat is that.

The deep frying incident of Fall 2006

Remember the deep frying i discussed last night. REMEMBER!! this is why no one should own a deep fryer, straight from the mouth of fernando's myspace profile. I love how they call it a "deep fried dinner" when they called around 10pm. disgusting, man

Why You Should Not Deep-Fry Bacon

“Wow, we’re the most disgusting people I know. I wish there were no witnesses.” –Hugo Shi.

This past Sunday we had a “deep fried” dinner. This included deep fried items such as chicken, vegetables, ice cream, and twinkies. You know, the usual. However, some of us, whose names will not be revealed, came up with the great idea of deep-frying bacon. In theory, it seemed like a great idea. Take a moment to think about it: delicious bacon dipped in batter, forming magical flavors as it deep-fries in the nutritious canola oil. It’s an instant winner! “Why hasn’t anyone thought of this?” we asked ourselves. We even considered making a Wikipedia entry in order to secure our names as the inventors of deep-fried bacon. This is how convinced we were that it would be great. So with great enthusiasm, we went ahead and did it. And here’s the best way to describe the taste: When you first bite into it, it tastes like bacon, until moments later when the fat and juices from within the bacon are released and form a little explosion in your mouth which overpowers all your senses with a severe case of nausea. Ten minutes later, the grease gently settles within the stomach forming a fortress, rendering the stomach useless for two days. So there you go. That is why you should not deep-fry bacon.

Lambda Lambda Lambda!!!

so tonight Ozan and i realized that grad school is kind of like a big frat for nerds. we act liek fratty mcfrats all the time. josh had his pseudo girlfriend/19 year old fuck buddy over (ewww!!) and ozan and i were really grossed out by the whole situation because we both can't stnad this girl. She just sits there....nothing. Ramit, she has No-Value Syndrome! Anyways Hugo called us and was like "yo guys come over!" and i was like "are we gonna get mexi melts?" and he was liek "no even BETTER!! fernando's here and we have a deep fryer and we're deep frying shit! we're gonna do ice cream and a twinkie and bacon!! deep fried bacon!! it's gonna be AWESOME!!" and ozan and i were like "nah man, we're gonna watch entourage (so fratty in and of itself) and chill tonight." and Hugo was like "fried bacon, guys!" Anyways we spent like an hour fiddling with ozan's computer trying to see if we could get it to play onto their giant screen tv so we could watch some ali G from you tube because we realized that josh has nothing but fucking horrible movies. This idea seemed super cool and for about 5 minutes we thought we were the shits of technology when we got it to work and we kept giving each other high fives like what and that poor 19 year old was just sitting there probably thinking "i'm way cooler than these peopel" or maybe she was just thinking "(empty space)" because she's kind of dumb. Anyways after about the 5th consecutive "high five man! don't leave me hanging! high five!!" we took a moment of silence and were just liek "who are we??" Anyways the frat party carries on.

back yard brawls and fall

guys, my brain is fried. I just spent the past 5 hours doing stats homework and i could tell it was time to stop when i started being really mean to my partner sujatha for no reason. i was arguing that a p and a b value were not the same and something about an F value and an ANOVA and variance and i was done for the day. hate.

anyways last nights sweater party turned out to be a huge bust. we showed up and the people had a poorly lit backyard, the cider/beer ran out, and they didn't have any music. what the fuck! who invites like half the grad student population to their house and runs out of beer and to top it off doens't have music for you to dance or at least girate to. so wierd. Anyways we were cool because we thought ahead and brought the bar with us in the form of a secret handle of vodka which was mysteriously finished off. did 6 of us really drink that much? was the question at the end of the night. judging by how i felt this morning, i'd say the answer was yes.

anyways the night started to get exciting when people started doing keg stands and it was ozan's turn for the keg stand. btw, ozan is a pretty big guy. So he gave me his digital camera because we were going ot start taking pictures and as he was lifted onto the keg i was fiddling wiht his camer. So it was dark and all i could see on the screen was darkness and i'm fiddling and i'm fiddling and i think the camera is on video and not picture mode, because it's a sony and i odn't know how to use sony's. So anyways i fiddle on and suddenly i hear a big crash and i see from the top of the camera lense ozan's legs flying toward me and he hits the ground and falls off the keg stnad and liek hits his head (i think) and i'm like...wahhh happpinnnn?? And then suddenly ozan jumps up and starts yelling and darts at this smaller dude named Evan and they get into an all out brawl! and they start rollign in the leaves!! leaves people!! it's fall...eeemaigne!! leaves!! and then they are rolling and people are like standing by not knowing waht to do and fernando is next to me and i'm thinking "quick what usually happens when fights break out at family parties. think think!!" and then i push fernando toward the ensuing brawl and i'm like "do something! break it up!" and ozan's pseudo girlfriend is standing on the side like...whaaaa happpinnn? and fernanod is liek "no i'm not jumping in there! ozan is big! he'll beat me up! " and i'm like "you're such a pussy, fernando." and then someone finally breaks it up and has to hold back ozan by pushing him against a 1994 blue saturn, which is liek sad in and of itself cuz it's a saturn. And the other guy Evan, gets dragged away by his girlfriend who proceeds to say "this shit is fucked up! let's go!' and they go and ozan is still being yelled at "chill man!! just chill!!" and dude talk is ensuing and it was so intense!!!

Ok so now for the "whaa actually did happppiiinn" part of the story. So context is that evan is roommates with ozan's ex girflriend, who apparntly ozan did not treat so well in the later stages of their relationship. so evan being kind of a douche doesn't like ozan and was liek "man if i ever see him i'm gonna kick his ass!" little did ozan know that when he opted for the keg stand evan jumped right in and offered to be the other person holding one of his legs up. that's where the problem started. So about 13 seconds into the keg stand (dude ozan is fucking intense!) evan basically just pushed ozan forward so ozan did a pseudo flip over the keg and ended up hitting the ground and thus...fighting began. it was rulllll deep. So at this point i'm like...wow how v. awkward for the poor girl ozan brought. And i was talkign ot her and i was liek "yeah this is kind of....awkward. once this guy i dated had a seizure in the first weeks of our relationship and it was really awkard because waht do you say." now in retrospect i see that this story made no sense in the context of the situation.

So anyways the party went downhill from there what with no music and the leaf brawl so we all decided to bounce and go to this slutty girl named roshin's house. The house was excellent! it was dark and had lots of good lighting and she had a lot of liquor so god knows why, but we all drank more. And drinking plus, darkness, plus good music can only lead to booty dancing and dancefloor scandal. point in case, Rika, the girl who gave lapdances at my last party proceeded to hit on adam AND fernando and the dancefloor got dirty. 3 broken glasses later they started playing "blister in the sun" and suddenly i closed my eyes and channeled the spirit of angela chase and proceeded to dance my hearts pain and i opened up and the dancefloor was empty all for fernando who was also dancing his hearts pain out and we proceeded to do this riducloiusly intense lip sing version of "blister in the sun" and when the song got quiet we got down on the floor and got quiet and whenthe song got loud we jumped up and got loud and we were like so fucking in synch it's not even funny!! and afterwards we were just liek "holy shit waht the fuck was that!! that was fucking AWESOME!! we were so in synch!!!! (pointing fingers at eyes back and forth)!! because really we were! it was intense. and then later in the night they played "praise you" by fat boy slim and again ferando and i were so nsync and we started doing interpretive dances and everyone was staring at us, mouth agape, like wtf guys? but we were acting out the music video and we were so good!

Anyways the night ended with rika sneaking off with fernnado and adam and me and my friend kristen walking home. ah what a night indeed. btw did i mention throughout this whole event i was wearing nothing but leggings, kitten heels, and a very ugly sweater i had managed to convert into a dress? oh yeah....i looked hot. eeemagine blue/purple/white snowflake print. and surprisingly it kept me quite warm!